A post in the\u00a0Raised Evangelical<\/span><\/a>\u00a0series.<\/strong><\/em><\/span><\/p>\n Question 1: Please introduce yourself before we\u00a0get started, providing a brief snapshot of your background an overview of your beliefs today.<\/strong><\/p>\n I grew up in Australia, going to a Baptist church. These days, I\u2019m still a Christian \u2013 but my beliefs are much less conservative, much more inclusive, and much less immersed in \u201cChristian culture\u201d. I go to an Anglican church, and disagree with about a quarter of what they say.<\/p>\n Question 2: How did your family and religious community self identify? As evangelicals? As fundamentalists? Or as something else? What did these terms mean to your parents and religious community?<\/strong><\/p>\n In my country, those terms aren\u2019t really used. However, had we been in America, both my family and my church would have called themselves \u201cevangelicals\u201d. We listened to Christian music, read James Dobson, wore WWJD bracelets, and were very focused on \u201chaving a personal relationship with Jesus\u201d \u2013 although we never really got round to defining what that meant.<\/p>\n Question 3: How did your parents become evangelicals or fundamentalists? Did they grow up in evangelical or fundamentalist families, or did they convert later?<\/strong><\/p>\n My parents grew up evangelical, and stayed that way. I don\u2019t think it would have occurred to them to do anything else.\u00a0My uncle is a fundamentalist (attending an IFB church), and has cut himself off from the rest of his \u201cheathen\u201d family. Because of this, my parents have a very negative view of fundamentalism, and try to avoid any religious extremism.<\/p>\n Question 1: Briefly describe the church your family attended while you were growing up. What role did the pastor play? How large was it? What sort of programs did it offer? What denomination was it? How many times a week did you attend church? How about Bible study or Bible club?<\/strong><\/p>\n We went to a large Baptist church with about 6 pastors. (Nowadays they have 11.) It had three Sunday services \u2013 I regularly went to two of them \u2013 and a large Sunday School and youth group. For anyone teenaged or older, there were also weekly \u201csmall groups\u201d, who would meet for Bible study. Question 2: When and how were you \u201csaved\u201d? How did your parents and church community respond? Did you have a \u201crelationship with Jesus\u201d? If so, at what age did you form this relationship? Please describe what all it entailed. Or, if you attended a church that was more liturgical and did not emphasize the specific moment of salvation or having a personal relationship with Jesus, what were considered to be most important milestones of a religious upbringing (i.e. confirmation, etc.) and how did you experience them?<\/strong><\/p>\n It was assumed that I\u2019d probably \u201cprayed the prayer\u201d at some point. (I did \u2013 at least eight times.) Because I\u2019d grown up in the church, being \u201csaved\u201d wasn\u2019t considered a big deal; but if I\u2019d been dragged along to church by a friend, people would have been much more interested in my \u201cmoment of salvation\u201d.<\/p>\n The main milestone my church was interested in was my baptism. There wasn\u2019t a specific time that we were pushed to do this \u2013 once we were teenagers, we could ask to attend a \u201cbaptism class\u201d and then be baptised, but we had to decide to do it by ourselves for it to be \u201creal\u201d. Question 3: How did your family and church view the\u00a0Bible, and what role did it play in your life growing up and in the life of your family and church?\u00a0How often did you, your siblings, and your parents read the Bible? Were you guided by your parents or pastors in how to interpret the Bible, especially certain passages, or were you generally free to form your own ideas about what the Bible said?<\/strong><\/p>\n The Bible was considered very important, but no-one ever told me whether I was supposed to consider it infallible, inspired, or anything else. Everyone assumed that it should be taken literally \u2013 but no-one ever actually said so.<\/p>\n My family didn\u2019t read the Bible together, but we expected to do our own individual \u201cquiet time\u201d (Bible study and prayer) every day. My mum gave us Bible study guides \u2013 which would tell us which passage to read that day, and give a few paragraphs of age-appropriate discussion on the Bible passage. I gathered that my parents agreed with what the study guides said, but we never really discussed it.<\/p>\n Question 4: What role did race play in your church? Were there any black or Hispanic families? Were they treated differently?<\/strong><\/p>\n Being in Australia, \u201cblack and Hispanic\u201d isn\u2019t really applicable; our equivalent would be \u201cAsian, Greek\/Italian, and Aboriginal\u201d. We had a racial mix almost identical to the surrounding suburbs \u2013 so, mainly Anglo-Celtics and Asians. There wasn\u2019t any noticeable difference in treatment. Question 1: What did your church teach about gender roles, the family, and marriage?<\/strong><\/p>\n My church was divided on the subject of women preaching. Half the congregation thought women shouldn\u2019t be in leadership roles or speaking in church. But the other half thought they could \u2013 and, eventually, my church ended up employing two female pastors, who preached on a regular basis. No-one complained, although some people still thought it was problematic.<\/p>\n Although my church thought that men should \u201clead\u201d the marriage, in practice they were more interested in talking about marriage as a partnership.<\/p>\n Question 2: Describe your parents\u2019 marriage. Was it complementarian (i.e. \u201csoft\u201d patriarchy), or more openly patriarchal, or in practice egalitarian? Did your family or church use any of these terms?<\/strong><\/p>\n My parents\u2019 marriage was egalitarian \u2013 if not slightly matriarchal. I didn\u2019t ever hear the terms \u201ccomplementarian\u201d or \u201cegalitarian\u201d until I started using the internet\u2026<\/p>\n Question 3: In what ways were boys and girls in your family expected to dress or act differently from each other? Were there certain things it was appropriate for girls to do but not boys, and vice versa?<\/strong><\/p>\n My family had no boys (apart from my father), but I know my mother sees no reason for girls and boys to behave differently. My sisters and I regularly climbed trees, skateboarded down the street, and played cops and robbers; no-one cared.<\/p>\n Question 4: In what ways were boys and girls in your family raised differently vocationally? Were the girls expected to be stay at home mothers or to hold jobs? Did your mother work, and if so, how was that viewed by your family and church?<\/strong><\/p>\n Women were expected to be stay-at-home mothers until their kids started school \u2013 after that, it was assumed that they\u2019d go back to part-time work. Question 1: What sort of education did you have: public school, Christian school, or homeschool? What reasons did your parents give for choosing the method of education for you that they chose?<\/strong><\/p>\n I went to a private school, which was nominally Anglican. My parents liked the fact that it was technically a Christian school \u2013 because they could excuse me from Sunday activities that would conflict with church, and write letters complaining that \u201cthis is not what we\u2019d expect from a Christian school\u201d if they were upset about something \u2013 but religion definitely wasn\u2019t a big aspect of my schooling.<\/p>\n Question 2: Briefly describe the academic aspect of your educational experience (public school, Christian school, or homeschool), focusing on the role played by religion. If you were public schooled, did your parents try to counteract anything you were learning at school with different teachings at home (i.e. sex education, evolution)? Or, did the public schools in your area find ways to include things like creationism or abstinence only sex education?<\/strong><\/p>\n Not really. My sex education was scientific and informative. It focused on the biological aspects of how sex works, and said nothing about whether we should or shouldn\u2019t have sex. From my parents and my church, I learned that sex should be kept for marriage.<\/p>\n My parents didn\u2019t have a problem with evolution \u2013 although my church did \u2013 so they didn\u2019t care if my school taught me about it.<\/p>\n Question 3: Briefly describe the social aspect of your upbringing, especially as influenced by religion. How did your educational experience (public school, Christian school, or homeschool) affect your socialization? Was your friend group religiously diverse or more homogeneous? If you were public schooled, did your religious background cause you any social problems in school?<\/strong><\/p>\n My school friends were almost all atheists. The main differences I noticed were that I wasn\u2019t allowed to say \u201coh my god\u201d, wasn\u2019t allowed to skip church on Sundays, and wasn\u2019t allowed to go to any Halloween parties. Apart from looking slightly weird, my background didn\u2019t cause any social problems.<\/p>\n Question 4: Did\u00a0you attended Sunday school, youth group, Bible club, or church camp? Please describe your experiences.<\/strong><\/p>\n All of the above! I went to (and later ran) Sunday School, youth group, holiday Bible clubs, Christian camps, and church camps. The pre-teen ones were very Bible-story focused; the teenage ones were more interested in Bible study, prayer, and my \u201cpersonal relationship with Jesus\u201d.<\/p>\n Question 1: What were you taught about physical and emotional purity, and also about modesty? What did your family believe about dating and\/or courtship? How was sex education handled?<\/strong><\/p>\n I was taught that sex outside of marriage was bad \u2013 as was just about anything more intense than kissing. Emotional purity was also important, and I was told to guard my heart against serious relationships until I was older. (Specifically: \u201cboys, guard your eyes \u2013 girls, guard your hearts\u201d.) My family was fine with dating \u2013 but when I was 14 Joshua Harris\u2019s book \u201cI Kissed Dating Goodbye\u201d came out, and purity culture swept through Christian teens, including me. A lot of people at my youth group were interested in courtship \u2013 at least briefly \u2013 and I was firmly convinced that I shouldn\u2019t kiss anyone until my wedding day.<\/p>\n Question 2: How did the things you were taught about purity, modesty, and dating\/courtship work out for you in practice? Did you date, and at what age? Did you have sex before marriage, and if you did, did you experience guilt? In\u00a0essence, explain how belief met practice and with what results.<\/strong><\/p>\n My first boyfriend was a big Joshua Harris fan \u2013 and decided that, as long as we were planning to get married, being a couple was okay. I broke up with him after he lent me \u201cI Kissed Dating Goodbye\u201d and I discovered the full lunacy of what he was thinking.<\/p>\n Although I had two boyfriends as a teenager, I didn\u2019t have my first kiss until I was 25. I have since kissed three guys: one friend, one non-Christian guy who I was incredibly interested in, and my current boyfriend. I stopped making out with my friend because I felt like I was using him to make myself feel better even though I wasn\u2019t romantically interested in him. The second guy I couldn\u2019t go out with (because he wasn\u2019t a Christian, and I didn\u2019t think I should date anyone who wasn\u2019t), but decided I could kiss anyway to make me feel better about not dating him\u2026 which was, all things considered, kinda screwed up.<\/p>\n All in all, I\u2019m quite happy with my decision to not have sex before marriage \u2013 but I\u2019m very glad I gave up on the \u201cno kissing until the wedding day\u201d thing, because that was ridiculous.<\/p>\n Question 3: How do you feel about your family and church\u2019s purity, modesty, and dating\/courtship teachings today? Do you think there are any parts of these teachings that still have value? How do you plan to handle these issues with your own children?<\/strong><\/p>\n I think courtship is a very destructive and screwed up idea. I also think the masturbation ban is stupid and unreasonable.<\/p>\n While I think sex works best in a marriage relationship, I dislike the terminology of \u201csaving sex for marriage\u201d or \u201cwaiting\u201d \u2013 because I\u2019ve seen a lot of women \u201cwaiting\u201d until they hit their mid-twenties, then concluding they\u2019re never going to get married and racing off to have sex with the first man they find, which led them into some very screwed up relationships. I\u2019d prefer the church to talk less about abstinence and more about healthy relationships \u2013 and if those healthy relationships end up including sex, then it\u2019s not a big deal.<\/p>\n My church did teach me that I should be valued for my character rather than my body \u2013 and I\u2019m glad for that.<\/p>\n Question 4: Do you feel that the purity, modesty, and dating\/courtship teachings you were raised with still have lasting impact on your life today? If so, how? What do you feel is the most detrimental effect of purity teachings?<\/strong><\/p>\n Courtship seems to infantilise people, and teach them that not having any relationship experience is a good idea. I think my experiences of screwing up relationships has been positive \u2013 because it\u2019s helped me to make wise decisions later.<\/p>\n I\u2019d prefer a bigger focus on good decision-making, healthy relationships, and communication. And I\u2019d like to consign courtship to the rubbish dump and never hear about it again.<\/p>\nSection 1: Introduction<\/h1>\n
Section 2: Theology<\/h1>\n
\nEvery week, I would go to two church services, help teach Sunday School, spend Wednesday night at small group, and Friday night at youth group.<\/p>\n
\nI considered myself as always having had a relationship with Jesus. I got baptised when I was thirteen \u2013 which was very young compared to most of the church.<\/p>\n
\nWhen I was 14, our church got a \u201cChinese pastor\u201d (his official job title) who was born in China, and ran Mandarin-speaking services on Sunday afternoons. A lot of the older Asians started attending those services \u2013 but the younger Asians preferred the English-speaking services.<\/p>\nSection 3: Gender and Family<\/h1>\n
\nNo-one really talked about there being jobs that women should or shouldn\u2019t do.<\/p>\nSection 4: Education<\/h1>\n
Section 5: Purity<\/h1>\n
\nMasturbation was bad. Looking too \u201csexy\u201d was bad. Wearing low-cut tops or short skirts was bad \u2013 but mostly you could get away with it, as long as you weren\u2019t \u201ctrying\u201d to come across as sexy. (Girls who did try to come across as sexy were given the benefit of the doubt, since they clearly had bad upbringings and didn\u2019t know any better.)<\/p>\nSection 6: Politics<\/h1>\n