link<\/a> to this image, well, this wasn\u2019t a discussion I was a stranger to in any sense.<\/p>\n![\"\"](\"https:\/\/i3.kym-cdn.com\/photos\/images\/newsfeed\/000\/324\/719\/930.jpg\")
<\/p>\n
In other words, if you would take precautions to avoid being robbed, having your identity stolen, or having your car burgled, what\u2019s wrong with saying you should take precautions to avoid being raped? It\u2019s common sense!<\/p>\n
I want to open this up for discussion, but before I do that I want to share my initial thoughts.<\/p>\n
One of these things is not like the other<\/strong><\/p>\nThe statements the man in this panel makes are not actually parallel, even though he apparently thinks they are. In all the original statements, he tells the woman about cool security features. His last statement, though, is very different. If he had said \u201ccarrying a can of mace with you can be handy if you find yourself assaulted\u201d or \u201cit\u2019s a good idea to have a friend call and check up on you the morning after a first date, just to make sure you\u2019re okay\u201d then yes, it would be parallel to the rest and I wouldn\u2019t have a problem with it. But that\u2019s not what he does<\/em>.<\/p>\nIf you want to avoid being raped, you should not dress like a slut.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n
Let\u2019s compare. When he was talking about cars, he talked about this handy new mechanical thing and said it was \u201ca great theft deterrent.\u201d Did he say \u201cif you want to avoid having your car stolen, you better buy this handy new mechanical thing\u201d? No.<\/em> He didn\u2019t.<\/em><\/p>\nI know you want male attention, but when you seek it out by dressing a certain way, you can\u2019t control whose attention you\u2019re attracting \u2013 rapists or decent guys.\u201d<\/p><\/blockquote>\n
Let\u2019s compare this with the car statement again. Did he say \u201cif you don\u2019t buy one of these handy mechanical theft deterrent things, well, you can\u2019t control the fact that your unprotected car will attract thieves.\u201d No. He didn\u2019t.<\/em><\/p>\nThis might seem like a nitpic, but turns in language like this do matter. With his statement he\u2019s placing the onus for not getting raped on the woman in a way that he does not place the onus on the woman when it comes to not having a car stolen.\u00a0In other words, these statements are not parallel<\/em>.<\/p>\nTwo more quick notes regarding wording:<\/p>\n
First, his use of the word \u201cslut\u201d is an automatic turnoff. Seriously. I am so over<\/em> the virgin\/slut dichotomy. Hows about letting women exercise control over their own bodies and make their own decisions without throwing around derisive terms, huh? All slut technically means is \u201csomeone who is sexually permissive\u201d but it\u2019s generally used in a negative way to target sexually permissive women as something unacceptable or undeserving of respect or normal\u00a0courtesies\u00a0and legal rights. Do we have a parallel word for men who are \u201csexually promiscuous?\u201d No? Why ever not? Oh, that\u2019s right. Promiscuous men are \u201cjocks,\u201d to be respected and looked up to, but promiscuous women are \u201csluts,\u201d to be demeaned and looked down on. Ugh, there\u2019s just too much in this for me to unpack right now. The point is, you can\u2019t use the word slut the way he does and then act all innocent like \u201cwhat did I ever do to upset you?\u201d Not going to fly.<\/p>\nSecond, what\u2019s with the assumption that we dress the way we do simply to attract male attention? I wear what I do in an effort to feel comfortable, and to feel more \u201cme.\u201d For instance, I started dressing more provocatively than my conservative upbringing after I was happily married, and I didn\u2019t change out of a desire to attract male attention as much as out of a desire to feel confident and express myself. I find that the idea that women who dress in certain way must necessarily be doing so in an effort to get male attention, rather than because that\u2019s their style or how they feel most comfortable, offensive.<\/p>\n
\u201cRape Culture\u201d <\/strong><\/p>\nThe cultural context surrounding the \u201cdoing X will help you avoid being raped\u201d is totally different from the cultural context behind saying \u201cyou should always lock your car.\u201d Let\u2019s do a thought experiment, shall we?<\/p>\n
Let\u2019s imagine a culture in which people who leave their cars unlocked and then have them stolen are told it\u2019s their own fault \u2013 they should have locked their cars! A culture in which people who park on the wrong side of town and have their cars stolen are told its their own fault \u2013 they shouldn\u2019t have parked in that area of town! A culture in which people who give someone a ride in their cars and then have them stolen are told its their fault \u2013 they never should have let someone into their car in the first place. By leaving their cars unlocked, or parking on the wrong side of town, or letting someone else have a ride, they were asking<\/em> for their cars to be stolen! But at the same time, in this culture, locking your car or parking on the good side of town or never giving someone a ride does not actually\u00a0guarantee\u00a0that you won\u2019t have your car stolen<\/em>. In fact, doing all those things doesn\u2019t necessarily lessen your risk of having your car stolen. Locked cars parked on the right side of town by people who never give others rides, it turns out, are stolen with no less frequency.<\/p>\nIn this culture people who steal cars are frequently let off the hook because, well, the owners of those cars shouldn\u2019t have left their cars unlocked. Or shouldn\u2019t have parked on the wrong side of town. Or shouldn\u2019t have been in the habit of giving people rides. In this culture people who never give rides, never leave their cars unlocked, and never park on the wrong side of town and then have their cars stolen are afraid to admit they had a car stolen for fear of being told it was their fault anyway \u2013 and because they\u2019ve internalized the idea that it was<\/em> their fault, somehow. In this culture locking your car doesn\u2019t actually\u00a0guarantee that it will not be stolen (or even limit the risk), but instead simply means that if it is<\/em> stolen you have a greater chance of being viewed as a \u201clegitimate\u201d victim of car theft. Unless, of course, you parked that locked car on the wrong street. Or gave people rides. Then you were clearly asking for your car to be stolen whether you locked it or not. In this culture when you call the police to tell them that your car was stolen, the first thing you\u2019re asked is \u201cdid you leave it unlocked? Where did you park? Have you ever given someone a ride in your car?\u201d<\/p>\nNow, imagine living within this culture and hearing someone say \u201cmake sure to lock your car, or else it might just get stolen.\u201d Perhaps you had a car stolen at one point, and never reported it because you had<\/em> left it unlocked and correctly realized the police would just dismiss your report because of that. When you hear this statement, what you hear is \u201cyes, it really was<\/em> your fault.\u201d Someone else living in this culture, someone who has stolen a couple of unlocked cars, hears \u201cyep, I didn\u2019t do anything wrong, they were only getting their just deserts for leaving their cars unlocked.\u201d Others hear \u201cpeople who leave their cars unlocked shouldn\u2019t be surprised if they\u2019re stolen because they\u2019re asking for it.\u201d People in the jury of a trial of a suspected car thief hear \u201cit\u2019s only natural that he stole that car because, after all, it was<\/em> unlocked.\u201d<\/p>\nAnd remember that, even with all this, locking your car, or parking in the right place, or never giving rides, does not actually lower your risk of having your car stolen. Trying to convince people to lock their cars, or park in the right areas of town, doesn\u2019t do squat to fix the problem, which is that\u00a0people are freaking stealing cars<\/em>. Instead, all it does is contribute to a culture in which people stealing cars get off the hook and the victims of car theft are themselves unjustly blamed.<\/p>\nIn other words, the surrounding cultural context matters<\/em>.<\/p>\nAnd if you\u2019ve always wondered what was meant by the phrase \u201crape culture,\u201d well, I think the above paragraphs are a good starting point \u2013 though I should note that any analogy only goes so far, and when we\u2019re talking about rape we\u2019re talking about women\u2019s bodies<\/em>, not an external possession like a car.<\/p>\n[Edit: Several commenters have pointed out flaws with my analogy given that in the real world locking your car does help prevent it from being stolen, but in rape culture, studies have found that what a woman wears actually does not affect her risk of being raped. The supposed \u201csafety precautions,\u201d you see, don\u2019t actually do any good given that, for instance, the vast, vast majority of rape is committed by someone a woman knows. Mea culpa for the flawed analogy. For more, read the comments \u2013 there\u2019s some seriously good stuff there!]<\/strong><\/p>\nI\u2019m running out of time here, but I want to mention two more things. First,\u00a0doing XYZ does not<\/em> automatically protect a woman from being raped. Rather, most women who are raped are raped by an acquaintance, and some rapists specifically prey on modestly dressed women. Second, all the emphasis on getting women to do XYZ risks sending the message that women who do not<\/em> do XYZ are clearly \u201casking for it.\u201d This means that a woman who doesn\u2019t take all those precautions and ends up raped can end up blaming herself for what she did wrong. It also means that men can end up viewing a girl who is dressed provocatively and drinking too much as, well, \u201casking for it\u201d and therefore fair game. And it means that society, yes, can talk about things like \u201clegitimate\u201d rape.<\/p>\nAnd you know what else? It means that the emphasis is taken off of consent and placed instead on what a woman has to do in order to avoid being raped.\u00a0<\/em><\/p>\nAdditional thoughts?<\/p>\n<\/body><\/html>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
Rape culture means that a woman who doesn’t take all of those supposed “precautions” and ends up raped can end up blaming herself for what she did wrong. It also means that men can end up viewing a girl who is dressed provocatively and drinking too much as, well, “asking for it” and therefore fair game. And it means that society, yes, can talk about things like “legitimate” rape. And you know what else? It means that the emphasis is taken off of consent and placed instead on what a woman has to do in order to avoid being raped. <\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":845,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[6],"tags":[242,114,257],"class_list":["post-8879","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-feminism","tag-rape","tag-sexism","tag-victim-blaming"],"yoast_head":"\n
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