I can\u2019t say how often I\u2019ve heard ordinary Americans defend Jim Bob and Michelle Duggar and their popular TLC television show, 19 Kids and Counting<\/a>. \u201cI wouldn\u2019t choose to have nineteen kids,\u201d they say, \u201cbut if they can manage it, who am I to question their choice?\u201d \u201cThe kids look happy and healthy,\u201d they say, \u201clook how polite and well mannered they are.\u201d I hear these comments and I just have to sigh.<\/p>\n First of all, I want to pout out that I would have concerns about the Duggars even if they\u00a0were<\/em>\u00a0your ordinary family plus seventeen extra children. For one thing, there is no way any two parents can give nineteen children the individual attention and time they need. It\u2019s just not\u00a0feasibly\u00a0possible. The Duggars like to say that \u201clove multiplies,\u201d but the thing is,\u00a0time<\/em>\u00a0doesn\u2019t. And then, of course, there is the population issue.<\/p>\n But it\u2019s not these things I\u2019m going to discuss here. The fact is, the Duggars aren\u2019t just your ordinary family plus seventeen extra children. There is a great deal of editing that goes into making TV, and one thing that gets edited out are the Duggars\u2019 religious beliefs and their beliefs about child rearing. There is much, much<\/em> more going on here than you see on TV.<\/p>\n I know this because I grew up in a family very much like the Duggars. We had a third fewer kids and we didn\u2019t have a TV show, but otherwise it was about the same. Our beliefs were nearly identical to theirs, as was our way of living. When I look at the older Duggar girls, I see myself. I was them.\u00a0With that in mind, I\u2019m going to take a moment to outline nine specific concerns I have about the Duggars.<\/p>\n 1. Isolation and Indoctrination<\/strong><\/p>\n The Duggar childern are homeschooled in part in order to shelter them from bad influences, i.e. from other kids and teachers who hold different beliefs or live different sorts of lives. The Duggar kids don\u2019t have friends who aren\u2019t pre-approved by their parents. In fact, the Duggar kids aren\u2019t even involved in church activities \u2013 their family participates in a \u201chome church\u201d where they and several other like-minded families get together on Sunday mornings and worship together.<\/p>\n Furthermore, even the older Duggar children are not allowed to go anywhere without having an \u201caccountability partner,\u201d i.e. another sibling, to keep tabs on them. When one of the older boys volunteered at the local fire department, one of his sisters always went with him to keep an eye on him and make sure he didn\u2019t get in trouble.<\/p>\n Another reason the Duggar children are homeschooled is in order to teach them \u201cGod\u2019s truth.\u201d This means that they use religious textbooks, creationist science curriculum, etc. I understand that we have this thing called \u201cfreedom of religion\u201d in our country, but I also believe that children have a right to an education, and teaching children one side of everything becomes indoctrination rather than education.<\/p>\n Not surprisingly, the Duggars\u2019 computers have internet access limited to about seventy \u201capproved\u201d websites. To get unlimited internet access, the children \u2013 even the older ones \u2013 have to get a password from their mother and then have another sibling sitting by them watching the screen as they surf the web to make sure they stay out of trouble. The main reason for this is likely to keep the children from viewing internet pornography, but it also helps ensure that they don\u2019t get subversive information or other viewpoints.<\/p>\n 2. Children raising children<\/strong><\/p>\n If you think Michelle is the one raising all of those kids, think again. Those older daughters, some of them already adults, are the ones who are actually doing the majority of the cooking, cleaning, and childcare. They are, in effect, raising their younger siblings.<\/p>\n Now I\u2019m not saying Michelle sits back and watches soap operas while the kids work, but rather that with that many children there is simply too much for her to do on her own. She doesn\u2019t have the time or energy to raise her children without her older daughters\u2019 help. And fortunately, because the Duggars homeschool, those older daughters are available to help 24\/7.<\/p>\n The Duggars have this thing called the \u201cbuddy system.\u201d When each new child is born, that child is assigned to one of the older children. In this way, the older children are responsible for dressing, feeding, and even educating the younger children. Michelle had this<\/a> to say about the buddy system:<\/p>\n This house would not work if we didn\u2019t have the buddy system. The older children mentor the younger ones. They help them with their little phonics lessons and games during the day, help them practice their music lessons. They will play with them or help them pick out the color of their outfit that they want to wear that day, and just all of those types of things.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n I\u2019m all for siblings helping each other and playing together, but this goes way further than this. This is siblings raising<\/em> each other. And as we\u2019ll see, this means a lot of sacrifice for the older siblings doing the raising.<\/p>\n 3. Authoritarian discipline<\/strong><\/p>\n Though they have not directly admitted it, there is a lot to indicate<\/a> that the Duggars follow Michael and Debi Pearl\u2019s discipline methods<\/a>. This means they require absolute obedience from their children and see even bad attitudes as signs of disobedience. It also means they use corporal punishment. The Pearls suggest that you begin to spank your children at around six months, and they urge parents to spank a disobedient child until that child submits completely. Complete submission to the parent\u2019s will is the hallmark of the Pearls\u2019 teachings. Here is a quote:<\/p>\n If you are just beginning to institute training on an already rebellious child, who runs from discipline and is too incoherent to listen, then use whatever force is necessary to bring him to bay. If you have to sit on him to spank him then do not hesitate. And hold him there until he is surrendered. Prove that you are bigger, tougher, more patiently enduring and are unmoved by his wailing. Defeat him totally. Accept no conditions for surrender. No compromise. You are to rule over him as a benevolent sovereign. Your word is final. (To Train Up A Child,<\/em> page 49)<\/p><\/blockquote>\n The Duggars have stated that they use\u00a0blanket training<\/a>. What they do is place a baby on a blanket and tell the baby not to get off. If the baby crawls off, he or she is spanked on the leg, told \u201cno,\u201d and placed back on the blanket. If you do this for long enough, the baby will learn to stay on the blanket, and then you can safely leave the baby there while you cook lunch or school the older ones. This all seems counter to the nature of a naturally curious baby.<\/p>\n Authoritarian discipline shuts off questions and leaves little room for children to explore. The emphasis on obedience overrides anything else, and as I\u2019ve written before, this can be<\/a> highly<\/a> problematic<\/a>.<\/p>\n 4. Bill Gothard and IBLP<\/strong><\/p>\n The Duggars are big fans of Bill Gothard<\/a> and are enrolled in his Institutes for Basic Life Principles<\/a>. Outside of the circle of his followers, Bill Gothard is\u00a0frequently\u00a0regarded<\/a> as a cult leader<\/a>. He teaches, for instance, that troll dolls delay labor, that cabbage patch dolls are possessed by demons, and that Christians today must follow Old Testament sexual purity codes, including abstaining from sex the evening before weekly worship. Oh, and he teaches that tampons take girls\u2019 virginity.<\/p>\n Until 2002 Gothard ran a group home for delinquent children in Indianapolis, Indiana. Children were sent there by the juvenile justice system for years until the place was closed down<\/a> under allegations of abuse, including Gothard\u2019s notorious \u201cprayer closets.\u201d There has been a growing movement<\/a> among young people raised on Gothard\u2019s teachings to expose the abuse, physical, emotional, and spiritual, they suffered at the hand of Gothard and his multiple ministries, including orphanages in places like Russia.<\/p>\n What bothers me most about the Duggars\u2019 involvement with Gothard and IBLP is their use of his \u201cre-education\u201d camps (my term). When Josh Duggar was showing some signs of being \u201crebellious\u201d years ago, they sent him to Gothard\u2019s military boot camp for young men, the ALERT Academy. He returned much subdued. They\u2019ve done the same with some of the girls, sending them to Gothard\u2019s Journey to the Heart programs, where they are reminded of how wicked and sinful they are and told again and again that following God means obeying their earthly parents.<\/p>\n 5. Emotional control<\/strong><\/p>\n The Duggar children are also taught to carefully control their emotions, and emotions like anger or ingratitude are not acceptable. I\u2019ve often heard people argue in favor of the Duggars by stating that \u201cthey look so happy!\u201d Here<\/a> is an excerpt from blogger Dulce, who was raised on the same teachings as the Duggars, dealing specifically with this issue:<\/p>\n One of the creepiest things about Gothard and the Pearls is that they teach that happy is the only acceptable emotion.\u00a0 If you do not have a joyful countenance, you are publicly shaming your authorities.\u00a0 In other words, if the kid looks unhappy, it is a personal offense against the parents.\u00a0 Pearl also has nauseating quotes and anecdotes about how any time his kids expressed unhappiness or anger they were hit even harder and longer until they were cheerful.\u00a0 How twisted is that? \u00a0Children are taught from babyhood to always be cheerful, or else they deserve a spanking.\u00a0 As they grow older, it is not just the fear of a spanking that causes them to keep smiling.\u00a0 It is the sincere belief that they are sinning with ingratitude, rebellion and more if they don\u2019t present a happy face.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n As I said earlier that a bad attitude is seen as rebellion, and immediately dealt with. I have no idea whether the Duggar children are happy or not, but I know that if they are unhappy they aren\u2019t allowed to express it, especially for the TV cameras (being a Christian \u201cwitness\u201d to the world and all that jazz).<\/p>\n 6. A quiver full of expectations<\/strong><\/p>\n As I said in my introduction<\/a>\u00a0to the Quiverfull movement, Quiverfull is more than just seeing children as a gift from God. It\u2019s also about seeing children as potential culture warriors. Children are \u201carrows\u201d who are to be sent out into the world spreading the gospel and Christian values and replicating their parents beliefs and lifestyles. This mindset leaves little room for children who may differ from their parents or what a different sort of life.<\/p>\n In a family influenced by Quiverfull beliefs, children who embrace different beliefs or ways of life from their parents are seen as failures. The idea is to raise ideological clones<\/a>. The amount of\u00a0expectations<\/a>\u00a0this places on children is immense. I really don\u2019t know what those older Duggar kids want out of life, but I do know that if they want something different from what their parents want for them they are in for a lot of trouble, a lot of emotional manipulation, and a lot of guilt.<\/p>\n 7. A patriarchal family order<\/strong><\/p>\n The main emphasis in the Christian Patriarchy movement, as I pointed out in my introduction<\/a> to it, is on a\u00a0hierarchical\u00a0family order where each member plays his or her role and everyone stays in their place. \u00a0As an example, click here<\/a> and here<\/a> to see what the teachings the Duggars follow regarding the proper role of the husband and of the wife. The gist is, of course, that the husband is to lead and the wife is to submit.<\/p>\n The main way this plays out for the children is threefold. First, the children are required to obey their parents without exception. Second, the children are being raised for their future roles \u2013 the boys are to be providers and protectors and the girls are to be homemakers. They\u2019re taught this from day one. Third, daughters are taught that they must obey their father even after they become adults.<\/p>\n Those older Duggar girls have been taught that they are under their father\u2019s authority, and that they must follow his will for them. His commands are absolute, just as their obedience is to be absolute. By obeying their father, they are preparing for the time when they will similarly obey their future husbands. Furthermore, by staying at home rather than leaving the home to attend college or get a job, they are preparing to spend their lives as homemakers, as mandated by their gender.<\/p>\n 8. Courtship, modesty, and purity<\/strong><\/p>\n Like many Americans, the Duggars teach their children to remain sexually abstinent until marriage. But they go further, teaching that even kissing should wait until the wedding day. Furthermore, virginity is not just physical, it is also emotional<\/a>. \u201cGiving away pieces of your heart\u201d through crushes or childhood romances is viewed as permanently damaging, and sexual thoughts are strictly forbidden.<\/p>\n The Duggar girls are also taught that they must dress extremely modestly so as not to \u201ctempt\u201d their \u201cbrethren in Christ\u201d (why is this always the female\u2019s responsibility?). That is, of course, what is behind their long jean skirts. This sort of emphasis on \u201cmodesty\u201d can be damaging to both girls<\/a> and boys<\/a>.<\/p>\n In addition, the Duggars believe that their children should find spouses through parent-guided \u201ccourtships\u201d rather than through dating. Dating is portrayed as \u201cpractice for divorce\u201d rather than more realistically as \u201cpractice for carrying out relationships.\u201d I\u2019ll give an overview of what such a courtship looks like below, but for a young woman\u2019s excellent courtship story, which finishes with damning analysis, click here<\/a>.<\/p>\n First a young man goes to a young woman\u2019s father and asks to court her, and the father says either yes or no (or sometimes maybe later). The young woman is given the chance to veto the courtship if she is not interested in the young man. If a young woman has her eye on a guy, she can share that with her father and he can possibly talk to the young man or the young man\u2019s father, but she can\u2019t initiate anything herself.<\/p>\n A courting couple is ever under the watchful eye of parents and other\u00a0chaperons, and sometimes is not given a chance of privacy at all. The father can call or suspend the courtship off at any time for any reason. Eventually, if the courtship goes well, the young man asks the young woman\u2019s father for permission to marry her, and if he obtains that permission he asks the young woman, and if she says yes a wedding follows almost immediately.<\/p>\n 9. No teenagers allowed<\/strong><\/p>\n Perhaps the most disconcerting thing about the Duggars is that their older children aren\u2019t allowed to be teenagers or make their own choices. You can see this strung throughout this entire post.<\/p>\n The older children spend their teen years raising their younger siblings and are only allowed friends from a small pool of approved families. Their access to the internet is strongly curtailed, and they aren\u2019t allowed to go anywhere without an \u201caccountability partner.\u201d Disobedience or ingratitude is seen as rebellion and dealt with swiftly and immediately, sometimes through one of Gothard\u2019s many \u201cre-education\u201d camps. Extreme modesty is enforced and dating is forbidden. Contact with the opposite sex is watched closely. Adult daughters are expected to obey their father\u2019s will for them, are taught that being a homemaker is their God-mandated role in life, and are only allowed to marry through a courtship\u00a0controlled\u00a0by their fathers. Furthermore, teen and adult children are expected to adopt their parents exact beliefs and way of life, and any other option is seen as failure.<\/p>\n All this is seen as a good thing. Just like my parents, you see, the Duggars\u00a0don\u2019t believe in teenagers<\/a>. Let me quote myself on this issue:<\/p>\n It\u2019s true that the word teenager is less than a hundred years old, and it\u2019s true that our current modern conception of the teenager is new. But the reality is, in our society today, being a teenager is not simply about gossip and boys and a lack of responsibility, it\u2019s about figuring out who you are as an entity separate from your family and their beliefs. Because I was never allowed to be a teenager, I never differentiated myself from my parents at all. I never learned who\u00a0I\u00a0<\/em>was. I was never allowed to.<\/p>\n While I do wish I had been allowed to be a teenager in external trappings \u2013 clothes, dating, hanging out at the mall \u2013 what I really regret about not being allowed to be a teenager is not the material trappings but rather not ever separating myself and my identity from those of my parents. I wish I had been allowed to be different from them, and encouraged to find my own interests and beliefs. I wish I hadn\u2019t been so enmeshed in my parents\u2019 lives and identities as to lose myself completely.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n The Duggar children are given no real chance to differentiate from their parents and to explore what they themselves believe and want from life. Instead, they are set off along a prescribed path and are quickly nudged back onto it if they so much as angle to toward the edge. Rather than forging their own paths, the Duggar children are expected to simply follow the path forged by their parents. No questions, no buts, no backtalk.<\/p>\n Have you noticed that all the Duggar girls share one room and all the Duggar boys share another? Michelle said that\u2019s because that\u2019s how the children wanted it \u2013 they didn\u2019t want to be separated. That may well be true, but it\u2019s worth noting that when you share your room with your eight sisters, some still toddlers or babies, it\u2019s really hard to find a moment of privacy or a place for sharing secrets.<\/p>\n Conclusion<\/strong><\/p>\n Most of this stuff doesn\u2019t come across on the TV show, does it? On the TV show the Duggars try to portray themselves as just one big happy family following God\u2019s commands \u2013 a witness to others.\u00a0What you don\u2019t see is that the Duggar children live lives in a fishbowl, carefully scripted lives from which no dissent or differentiation is allowed. Their lives are laid out for them, and growing up is not about exploration but rather\u00a0fulfilling\u00a0the expectations of their parents. Conformity is key and stepping out of line is not acceptable.<\/p>\n Bowing to negative publicity, the Duggars recently enrolled some of their children, including the older girls, in an online college program<\/a> highly promoted by premier Christian Patriarchy group Vision Forum<\/a>.\u00a0This program promises bachelors degrees in as little as two years and has the advantage of keeping the Duggar children safely under their parents\u2019 watchful eyes. Not surprisingly, the girls are interested in studying things like nursing and midwifery. I have no idea whether they\u2019ll actually finish, but it would be great for those older girls if they were able to get college degrees of some sort, because it might open more\u00a0horizons\u00a0for them in the future.<\/p>\n As for what\u2019s in the future for the Duggar kids, if all follows their parents\u2019 plans the boys will be set up with careers of some sort and will court girls from like-minded families and then start their own families with a baby at least every other year. We\u2019ve already seen Josh Duggar follow this prescribed path.<\/p>\n