Humans are odd animals. I have studied them for 30 years and what I have found in the grand scheme of things is that while we mean well, we do a really great job of getting in our own way. This is abundantly true when it comes to expressing our emotions and caring for others. Much of my work as a therapist or Professional Counselor as it is called in my state of Pennsylvania is to retrain people on how to trust their emotions and if available, retrain them to understand that having feelings for others is ok.
In this post, I want to discuss how to rediscover and understand the path to love and empathy. As with many of the practices I engage in this stage of my life, understanding this path is one of contemplation and a spiritual discipline. Done well, these practices deepen our connections with others and reestablishes the community and connection we so long for these days.
Embracing Sacred Empathy
Empathy is a universal human experience; everyone has it and it is strongest before our cultural and societal systems shape how we express it.
“At its core, empathy involves sensing and sharing another’s feelings, thoughts, and experiences. Unlike sympathy, which implies caring for someone from a distance, empathy is about caring with them—entering their emotional state without losing oneself. Spiritually, this is an act of recognizing the interconnectedness of all beings.
Many spiritual traditions teach that the self is an illusion or a temporary container for consciousness. When we practice true empathy, we momentarily dissolve the boundaries between “self” and “other,” experiencing a shared reality. This dissolution fosters compassion rooted in unity rather than separation.”
In psychology, we like to talk about cognitive and emotional empathy. Cognitive empathy is the ability to understand another person’s perspective and feelings intellectually, while emotional empathy involves actually feeling and sharing those emotions with them. Both types are important for building connections and responding appropriately to others’ experiences.
Embracing empathy is a first step to deeply seeing others around us as more than their differences. In Buddhism for example, empathy (often expressed as compassion or karuṇā) is a fundamental virtue leading to enlightenment. By deeply understanding others’ suffering, one cultivates humility and love—essential elements for transcending egoic tendencies. We become one with each other, both on the same boat, traversing life in all its joys and its hardships.
Human Epistemology
Deeply understanding a person takes time and is a process of becoming. I have been with my wife for almost 30 years, and it never ceases to amaze me that no matter how much I think I know about her, something new pops up regularly. In the therapy I do with couples, the couple is encouraged to develop a “love map” as a pathway to understanding deeply their partner. This then serves as a point of reference when the going gets tough.
One of the deeper practices that I have encountered after years of being a clinical therapist is something I learned in my first year back into mental health work. During these first two years, I began to learn and relearn how a human develops. Reflecting on already learned knowledge from my undergrad days in social work, and particularly existentialist philosophy, I began to see people at a deeper level. Two years into my introduction, I was introduced into Functional and Applied Behavioral Analysis. Understanding that every behavior has a meaning unlocked a door that helped me not only be a better clinician, but also a better father and husband.
As I have mentioned many times in my writing, we are all on a process of becoming human. Each turn of the year brings new challenges, adventures, and increased wisdom learned from the past 365 days. The more we tune into each other’s desires, cravings and needs, we engage in a deeper understanding of our own human condition and what it means to be.
Spiritual Practices to Sharpen Our Understanding
Being Present – to be present is to be aware. It means listening actively, seeing fully and listening with our ears and our eyes. It means being here now with the others around you, it means being present with yourself. In therapy, my clients can get stuck in all sorts of thinking errors, and my work is often helping them refocus on being in the moment, “getting out of their heads and into their bodies”
Connection – some of my clients love to explain to me how they are better off without people in their lives. This belief is contrary to what scientific evidence demonstrates. I was studying the brain yesterday and the presenter was talking about the importance of oxytocin, a chemical that increases trust and affection for others. “Humans have always relied on one another for survival, emotional support, and overall well-being. Social connections are vital to both our evolutionary past and contemporary lives. Conversely, isolation and loneliness can adversely affect mental and physical health. We can live healthier, more fulfilling lives by assessing our social engagement and fostering relationships through face-to-face interactions, shared activities, and attentive listening.”
Grace – Ubuntu is an African philosophy grounded in the principles of humanity and interdependence, captured by the phrase “I am because we are.” When we practice grace in this context, we embody kindness and compassion, actively fostering the spirit of Ubuntu within our relationships. Grace encourages us to be open and receptive to others, to surrender our need for control, and to counter feelings of shame with acceptance. By extending grace, we deepen our empathy and nurture a sense of belonging, reinforcing the interconnectedness that is essential for meaningful and compassionate relationships.
Listening – Connected to being present, Listening means paying attention, being welcoming, and is key to nurturing and wonder. Listening bridges us to spiritual wisdom, helps us discern meaning, and connects us to others and our own intuition in all areas of life.
In Closing
We are living in dark times here in America, and quite frankly as a card carrying American and former soldier, I am quite embarrassed, and apologetic to all my international readers who follow me. While you may be observing the lack of empathy from our Gestapo who shoot victims for fun and then mock their death by calling them a “bitch” or “boo hoo”, this is not who we are. While the loudest (and for some, the most entertaining) are getting all the views, it does not reflect the majority of us, and it certainly does not reflect our human condition. I tell parents all the time that there is no such thing as a bad child. In the same light, people do not magically wake up hating people. It is a slow burn of cultural inculcation and indoctrination. It is a bastardization of the Gospel message; it is a lack of empathy rooted in the love of Jesus.
When we truly understand the path to love and empathy – when we practice it, even in the smallest ways, we open ourselves to healing and transformation. It is not enough to simply wish for a kinder world; we must actively cultivate love and empathy in our day-to-day interactions, modeling what it means to be truly human. By choosing compassion over judgment, connection over isolation, and presence over distraction, we nurture a culture that honors the dignity of every person. This journey may be challenging, but it is the path that leads us back to ourselves and to each other, restoring hope and wholeness in our communities.
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