IS THIS YOU?<\/figcaption><\/figure>\nAre you covered in disgusting sores? Losing fingers and toes? Suffering from gangrene and blindness? Afraid your nose will collapse? Then ask your doctor if the blood of a virgin is right for you!<\/p>\n
The lifeblood of a virgin of marriageable age is an exciting new treatment from Salerno Pharma.<\/p>\n
You\u2019ll notice a difference as soon as the knife is plunged into her innocent heart. Before you know it, you\u2019ll be back to doing all the things you love \u2013 Riding! Jousting! Falconry! Playing the lute!<\/p>\nTHIS COULD BE YOU!<\/figcaption><\/figure>\nSo don\u2019t wait \u2013 find a girl to sacrifice and start living\u00a0your<\/em>\u00a0best life\u00a0ever<\/em>\u00a0\u2013 TODAY!<\/p>\n*Side effects of sacrificing a virgin may include dry mouth, crippling guilt, PTSD, and an eternity in Hell. Some users may experience revenge murder by girl\u2019s family. Do not use The Blood of a Virgin if you already suffer from nightmares or insomnia.<\/p>\n
Heinrich: What?<\/p>\n
Pharma rep: What?<\/p>\n
Heinrich: That last part was really fast\u2026what did you say?<\/p>\n
Pharma rep: Oh nothing, just some random words. If you\u2019re not sure about the treatment, look, I have a coupon. Our doctors in Salerno are just great. You\u2019ll be so glad you did it!<\/p>\n
Heinrich: OK: you\u2019re saying if I go to Salerno and have a doctor stab some young lady in the heart, while I just sit there and watch, I\u2019ll be cured and I can go back to running my estate and doing everything I used to do? How do I even arrange this thing? Can I kidnap an orphan who is definitely a bad person?<\/p>\n
Pharma rep: Actually, she has to sacrifice herself willingly, otherwise it doesn\u2019t work.<\/p>\n
Heinrich: &#%@$!@#*%$#%#&! Nobody\u2019s going to do that! Get lost, I have mud to wallow in.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n
Much more weirdness here<\/a>.<\/p>\n<\/body><\/html>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"Everybody need a hobby. Reader Laura Freeburn\u2019s odd hobby is translating medieval German texts into English. Sometimes she runs into odd things: The following is my snarky summary of the medieval story\u00a0Der arme Heinrich by\u00a0Hartmann von Aue.\u00a0If you enjoyed the now-defunct website The Toast, you might like this too. If not\u2026I have other posts. Go\u00a0here\u00a0if […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":92,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[1],"tags":[7,3],"class_list":["post-103697","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-uncategorized","tag-doings-on-other-blogs","tag-humor"],"yoast_head":"\n
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