{"id":103904,"date":"2018-05-24T00:57:02","date_gmt":"2018-05-24T07:57:02","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/admin.patheos.com\/blogs\/markshea\/?p=103904"},"modified":"2018-05-22T13:28:00","modified_gmt":"2018-05-22T20:28:00","slug":"what-a-time-to-be-alive","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/markshea\/2018\/05\/what-a-time-to-be-alive.html","title":{"rendered":"What a Time to Be Alive!"},"content":{"rendered":"\n<\/head>

So, in 2013, the repulsive Michael Cohen actually, seriously, sent a cease and desist letter to the Onion<\/em><\/a>, because these snowflakes really are that thin-skinned.<\/p>\n

The reason for the letter was that the Onion<\/em> wrote a piece, purportedly by Donald Trump, titled \u201cWhen You\u2019re Feeling Low, Just Remember I\u2019ll Be Dead In About 15 Or 20 Years.\u201d<\/a><\/p>\n

Now any idiot would know that Donald Trump did not write this piece because it contains large, hard-t0-spell words above a third grade reading level like \u201cremember\u201d and is more than 240 characters long.\u00a0 But Cohen is not just any idiot.\u00a0 He is a world class idiot.\u00a0 For, of course, the real giveaway Trump could not possibly have written it is that the piece is humor at Trump\u2019s expense and not at someone else\u2019s\u2013something this swinish bully never, ever allows.<\/p>\n

And that, of course, was the reason for the Cohen letter.\u00a0 His client must not be the butt of jokes.\u00a0 As St. Thomas More once said of another thin-skinned bully, \u201cThe prowde spirit cannot endure to be mock\u2019d.\u201d<\/p>\n

Fast forward to the present.\u00a0 The letter has now come to light, to the eternal joy of the editors of the Onion<\/em> who, so far from being intimidated by this Mafioso goon, are having a field day with a new article titled, \u201c\u2018The Onion\u2019 Has Finally Read Michael Cohen\u2019s 2013 Email Regarding His Client Donald Trump And Would Like To Discuss The Matter Further At His Convenience<\/a><\/p>\n

Here\u2019s a taste:<\/p>\n

While we respectfully disagree with Mr. Cohen\u2019s assessments, we understand that he is duty-bound to safeguard his client\u2019s public image, a task he has no doubt fulfilled time and time again throughout his many years of dedicated service. With that in mind, we would like to, at long last, take him up on his request that we \u201ccontact immediately to discuss.\u201d<\/p>\n

As Mr. Trump is now the leader of the free world, now is clearly the best time to resume our discussion. While it is generally not our policy to let outside forces affect our editorial decisions, the opportunity to gain a direct line to the president clearly presents a special case. We would be more than willing to accommodate Mr. Cohen\u2019s wishes\u2014provided we get something in return, of course. A\u00a0quid pro quo<\/em>, if you will.<\/p>\n

We believe the removal of the piece in exchange for influence over the president\u2019s decision-making constitutes a more than reasonable deal, and we implore Mr. Cohen to meet with us without delay. We are happy to schedule around his upcoming court appearances.<\/p>\n

Mr. Cohen, in trying to reach you, we have called both phone numbers you provided us and even sent a courier to your New York offices. After receiving no reply, we can only assume you are trying to stonewall us. We are growing concerned that you have remained silent because you have been building a rock-solid case against us for the last five years, and in fact shudder to even imagine the detailed, thorough, and likely damning charges you would bring forward. But it does not have to be this way.<\/p>\n

In your letter, you implore us to \u201cGuide yourself accordingly.\u201d These enigmatic words have haunted us ever since. Although we assume no small risk in asking the president\u2019s own accomplished and ingenious lawyer for help acquiring Oval Office influence, we believe that a partnership between us and Mr. Trump, shepherded by your steady hand, is the most fruitful way forward for the president, for\u00a0The Onion<\/em>, and for America.<\/p>\n

We eagerly await your reply.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

This will just get better and better.<\/p>\n<\/body><\/html>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

So, in 2013, the repulsive Michael Cohen actually, seriously, sent a cease and desist letter to the Onion, because these snowflakes really are that thin-skinned. The reason for the letter was that the Onion wrote a piece, purportedly by Donald Trump, titled \u201cWhen You\u2019re Feeling Low, Just Remember I\u2019ll Be Dead In About 15 Or […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":92,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[1],"tags":[859],"class_list":["post-103904","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-uncategorized","tag-life-in-the-banana-republic-of-trumps-amerikkka"],"yoast_head":"\nWhat a Time to Be Alive!<\/title>\n<meta name=\"description\" content=\"So, in 2013, the repulsive Michael Cohen actually, seriously, sent a cease and desist letter to the Onion, because these snowflakes really are that\" \/>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" 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