{"id":106233,"date":"2018-10-25T00:04:35","date_gmt":"2018-10-25T07:04:35","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/admin.patheos.com\/blogs\/markshea\/?p=106233"},"modified":"2018-10-15T21:09:39","modified_gmt":"2018-10-16T04:09:39","slug":"tia-marshall-is-a-brave-and-good-woman","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/markshea\/2018\/10\/tia-marshall-is-a-brave-and-good-woman.html","title":{"rendered":"Tia Marshall is a brave and good woman…"},"content":{"rendered":"\n<\/head>

\u2026and she has written a fine piece for a survivors of sexual assault.\u00a0 Here\u2019s just a taste.\u00a0 Read the rest here<\/a>:<\/p>\n

I\u2019ve spent the last decade working in the field of mental health, focusing the last few years in particular on helping people heal after sexual assault. I\u2019ve spent 6 years of study to learn how to do what I do and a crap ton (there\u2019s my mountain roots coming out) of continuing education hours learning an even deeper understanding of trauma, sexual assault, and how to help people heal. Because of that, the vast majority of my experience has been working with survivors, hearing their stories, bearing their pain with them, and trying to help them work through the various layers of trauma they experienced as a result of what someone did to them.<\/p>\n

It\u2019s because of these beautiful people who I care so much about that I can\u2019t stay silent. If you haven\u2019t experienced sexual assault, it may not be obvious to you that some of the things being thrown around so carelessly in the media would be so shaming and further traumatic to someone who\u2019s survived such a trauma. That\u2019s why I have to speak up. To help others understand and to help protect the innocent who may otherwise be further traumatized.<\/p>\n

\"\"<\/figure>\n

When a person experiences a sexual assault, it\u2019s important for people to understand that one of the most common responses a person has is to freeze. We\u2019ve all heard of fight or flight but few people realize that there is a third biological response that people experience in the face of any traumatic event. To freeze is perhaps more common than either of the other two. When this happens, it\u2019s an indication that the person is so overwhelmed by what is happening that the logical thinking part of their brain basically short circuits, goes offline, whatever analogy works best for you here\u2026Many have described this almost like being in shock: their body went numb, their brain felt like it was swimming in mud, they couldn\u2019t comprehend what was happening, and some have described feeling as if they aren\u2019t even real in that moment.<\/p>\n

So when people say, \u201cWell, if that had happened to me I would have..(insert self protective ninja move here)\u201d they are saying that with full access to the logical part of their brain in a situation in which they are not in danger and have not been traumatized. Thinking that a victim can\u2019t be a victim if they didn\u2019t try to fight is a very shaming thing to say about something that you don\u2019t fully understand (and are thus very wrong about). Add on top of that the fact that victims often blame themselves for not fighting back and have a hard time understanding how they could have just frozen like that adds to the trauma. Hearing other people questioning how it could be rape if she didn\u2019t fight just makes it worse.<\/p>\n

\"\"<\/figure>\n

Let\u2019s say you\u2019re at a party and you go looking for the bathroom, only to be grabbed by someone and well, you know the rest\u2026 As that happens, you find yourself in shock, feeling like you\u2019re going to pass out or throw up and you aren\u2019t sure which one is going to happen first, meanwhile you can\u2019t seem to comprehend what just happened and suddenly nothing feels real. Emotionally, you\u2019re confused, terrified, overwhelmed, and already beginning to feel shameful and dirty. Disgusting, like you need desperately to take a shower but still just can\u2019t seem to make sense of what just happened. Your first thought isn\u2019t likely to be \u201chey, I\u2019m going to go tell people what just happened to me.\u201d Out of the hundreds of people I\u2019ve worked with, I can count on one hand how many people told someone immediately. The majority waited years before telling anyone. Even children don\u2019t often tell someone what has happened to them right away. We tend to hide things that hurt us, make us feel ashamed or dirty and we\u2019re often terrified that if we say anything, someone is going to tell us that it was our fault. So we just don\u2019t tell.<\/p>\n

Many of the survivors I\u2019ve worked with didn\u2019t tell anyone until they had a strong enough reason to brave the fear. First time moms suddenly experience terror that the perpetrating family member will harm their little one and so they tell.\u00a0 A person has spent years running from the reality of their experience in the hopes that it will just go away and at some point realize that they will need help facing it in order to overcome it. So they tell. They experience a situation that has them so scared that they will be abused again that the terror of that prompts them to tell. I can\u2019t tell you the number of times a person told me that I was the first person they\u2019d ever told about an assault that happened when they were a child.<\/p>\n

People don\u2019t always tell their parents, their friends, or even their spouses. Parents who think, \u201cOh, my child and I have a great relationship, they\u2019d tell me if that ever happened\u201d are often floored to find out that it did happen and their child didn\u2019t tell them. It happens every day. I\u2019ve experienced it more times than I can count.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

There are two more myths she covers.\u00a0 Please read the whole thing.\u00a0 In the Age of Trump, where conservative \u201cprolife\u201d brutalists trample victims and say, \u201cWho cares?\u00a0 We won\u201d it is vital to put those victims first and not the lies of the swine mock them in the public square.<\/p>\n<\/body><\/html>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

\u2026and she has written a fine piece for a survivors of sexual assault.\u00a0 Here\u2019s just a taste.\u00a0 Read the rest here: I\u2019ve spent the last decade working in the field of mental health, focusing the last few years in particular on helping people heal after sexual assault. I\u2019ve spent 6 years of study to learn […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":92,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[1],"tags":[976],"class_list":["post-106233","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-uncategorized","tag-sexual-assault-is-a-grave-sin"],"yoast_head":"\nTia Marshall is a brave and good woman...<\/title>\n<meta name=\"description\" content=\"...and she has written a fine piece for a survivors of sexual assault.\u00a0 Here's just a taste.\u00a0 Read the rest here: I\u2019ve spent the last decade working in\" \/>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" href=\"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/markshea\/2018\/10\/tia-marshall-is-a-brave-and-good-woman.html\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"en_US\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"Tia Marshall is a brave and good woman...\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:description\" content=\"...and she has written a fine piece for a survivors of sexual assault.\u00a0 Here's just a taste.\u00a0 Read the rest here: I\u2019ve spent the last decade working in\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:url\" content=\"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/markshea\/2018\/10\/tia-marshall-is-a-brave-and-good-woman.html\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:site_name\" content=\"Catholic and Enjoying It!\" \/>\n<meta property=\"article:published_time\" content=\"2018-10-25T07:04:35+00:00\" \/>\n<meta property=\"article:modified_time\" content=\"2018-10-16T04:09:39+00:00\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:image\" content=\"https:\/\/littlemisslionheart.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2018\/10\/Myth-1_.png\" \/>\n<meta name=\"author\" content=\"Mark Shea\" \/>\n<meta name=\"twitter:card\" content=\"summary_large_image\" \/>\n<meta name=\"twitter:label1\" content=\"Written by\" \/>\n\t<meta name=\"twitter:data1\" content=\"Mark Shea\" \/>\n\t<meta name=\"twitter:label2\" content=\"Est. reading time\" \/>\n\t<meta name=\"twitter:data2\" content=\"5 minutes\" \/>\n<script type=\"application\/ld+json\" class=\"yoast-schema-graph\">{\"@context\":\"https:\/\/schema.org\",\"@graph\":[{\"@type\":\"WebPage\",\"@id\":\"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/markshea\/2018\/10\/tia-marshall-is-a-brave-and-good-woman.html\",\"url\":\"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/markshea\/2018\/10\/tia-marshall-is-a-brave-and-good-woman.html\",\"name\":\"Tia Marshall is a brave and good woman...\",\"isPartOf\":{\"@id\":\"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/markshea\/#website\"},\"datePublished\":\"2018-10-25T07:04:35+00:00\",\"dateModified\":\"2018-10-16T04:09:39+00:00\",\"author\":{\"@id\":\"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/markshea\/#\/schema\/person\/c1a9ac1e557d3c626974fd6692818ad5\"},\"description\":\"...and she has written a fine piece for a survivors of sexual assault.\u00a0 Here's just a taste.\u00a0 Read the rest here: I\u2019ve spent the last decade working in\",\"breadcrumb\":{\"@id\":\"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/markshea\/2018\/10\/tia-marshall-is-a-brave-and-good-woman.html#breadcrumb\"},\"inLanguage\":\"en-US\",\"potentialAction\":[{\"@type\":\"ReadAction\",\"target\":[\"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/markshea\/2018\/10\/tia-marshall-is-a-brave-and-good-woman.html\"]}]},{\"@type\":\"BreadcrumbList\",\"@id\":\"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/markshea\/2018\/10\/tia-marshall-is-a-brave-and-good-woman.html#breadcrumb\",\"itemListElement\":[{\"@type\":\"ListItem\",\"position\":1,\"name\":\"Home\",\"item\":\"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/markshea\"},{\"@type\":\"ListItem\",\"position\":2,\"name\":\"Tia Marshall is a brave and good woman…\"}]},{\"@type\":\"WebSite\",\"@id\":\"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/markshea\/#website\",\"url\":\"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/markshea\/\",\"name\":\"Catholic and Enjoying It!\",\"description\":\"Mark Shea's Blog: So That No Thought of Mine, No Matter How Stupid, Should Ever Go Unpublished Again!\",\"potentialAction\":[{\"@type\":\"SearchAction\",\"target\":{\"@type\":\"EntryPoint\",\"urlTemplate\":\"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/markshea\/?s={search_term_string}\"},\"query-input\":\"required name=search_term_string\"}],\"inLanguage\":\"en-US\"},{\"@type\":\"Person\",\"@id\":\"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/markshea\/#\/schema\/person\/c1a9ac1e557d3c626974fd6692818ad5\",\"name\":\"Mark Shea\",\"image\":{\"@type\":\"ImageObject\",\"inLanguage\":\"en-US\",\"@id\":\"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/markshea\/#\/schema\/person\/image\/\",\"url\":\"https:\/\/secure.gravatar.com\/avatar\/f287911f45adc932ad24ddbae3597ed5?s=96&d=mm&r=g\",\"contentUrl\":\"https:\/\/secure.gravatar.com\/avatar\/f287911f45adc932ad24ddbae3597ed5?s=96&d=mm&r=g\",\"caption\":\"Mark Shea\"},\"url\":\"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/markshea\/author\/markshea\"}]}<\/script>\n<!-- \/ Yoast SEO plugin. -->","yoast_head_json":{"title":"Tia Marshall is a brave and good woman...","description":"...and she has written a fine piece for a survivors of sexual assault.\u00a0 Here's just a taste.\u00a0 Read the rest here: I\u2019ve spent the last decade working in","robots":{"index":"index","follow":"follow","max-snippet":"max-snippet:-1","max-image-preview":"max-image-preview:large","max-video-preview":"max-video-preview:-1"},"canonical":"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/markshea\/2018\/10\/tia-marshall-is-a-brave-and-good-woman.html","og_locale":"en_US","og_type":"article","og_title":"Tia Marshall is a brave and good woman...","og_description":"...and she has written a fine piece for a survivors of sexual assault.\u00a0 Here's just a taste.\u00a0 Read the rest here: I\u2019ve spent the last decade working in","og_url":"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/markshea\/2018\/10\/tia-marshall-is-a-brave-and-good-woman.html","og_site_name":"Catholic and Enjoying It!","article_published_time":"2018-10-25T07:04:35+00:00","article_modified_time":"2018-10-16T04:09:39+00:00","og_image":[{"url":"https:\/\/littlemisslionheart.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2018\/10\/Myth-1_.png"}],"author":"Mark Shea","twitter_card":"summary_large_image","twitter_misc":{"Written by":"Mark Shea","Est. reading time":"5 minutes"},"schema":{"@context":"https:\/\/schema.org","@graph":[{"@type":"WebPage","@id":"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/markshea\/2018\/10\/tia-marshall-is-a-brave-and-good-woman.html","url":"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/markshea\/2018\/10\/tia-marshall-is-a-brave-and-good-woman.html","name":"Tia Marshall is a brave and good woman...","isPartOf":{"@id":"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/markshea\/#website"},"datePublished":"2018-10-25T07:04:35+00:00","dateModified":"2018-10-16T04:09:39+00:00","author":{"@id":"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/markshea\/#\/schema\/person\/c1a9ac1e557d3c626974fd6692818ad5"},"description":"...and she has written a fine piece for a survivors of sexual assault.\u00a0 Here's just a taste.\u00a0 Read the rest here: I\u2019ve spent the last decade working in","breadcrumb":{"@id":"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/markshea\/2018\/10\/tia-marshall-is-a-brave-and-good-woman.html#breadcrumb"},"inLanguage":"en-US","potentialAction":[{"@type":"ReadAction","target":["https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/markshea\/2018\/10\/tia-marshall-is-a-brave-and-good-woman.html"]}]},{"@type":"BreadcrumbList","@id":"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/markshea\/2018\/10\/tia-marshall-is-a-brave-and-good-woman.html#breadcrumb","itemListElement":[{"@type":"ListItem","position":1,"name":"Home","item":"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/markshea"},{"@type":"ListItem","position":2,"name":"Tia Marshall is a brave and good woman…"}]},{"@type":"WebSite","@id":"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/markshea\/#website","url":"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/markshea\/","name":"Catholic and Enjoying It!","description":"Mark Shea's Blog: So That No Thought of Mine, No Matter How Stupid, Should Ever Go Unpublished Again!","potentialAction":[{"@type":"SearchAction","target":{"@type":"EntryPoint","urlTemplate":"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/markshea\/?s={search_term_string}"},"query-input":"required name=search_term_string"}],"inLanguage":"en-US"},{"@type":"Person","@id":"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/markshea\/#\/schema\/person\/c1a9ac1e557d3c626974fd6692818ad5","name":"Mark Shea","image":{"@type":"ImageObject","inLanguage":"en-US","@id":"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/markshea\/#\/schema\/person\/image\/","url":"https:\/\/secure.gravatar.com\/avatar\/f287911f45adc932ad24ddbae3597ed5?s=96&d=mm&r=g","contentUrl":"https:\/\/secure.gravatar.com\/avatar\/f287911f45adc932ad24ddbae3597ed5?s=96&d=mm&r=g","caption":"Mark Shea"},"url":"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/markshea\/author\/markshea"}]}},"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/markshea\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/106233","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/markshea\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/markshea\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/markshea\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/92"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/markshea\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=106233"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/markshea\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/106233\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/markshea\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=106233"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/markshea\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=106233"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/markshea\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=106233"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}