Gilbert and Sullivan<\/a>:<\/p>\nThe Seminarian\u2019s Song<\/p>\n
To the Tune of the Major-General\u2019s Song from The Pirates of Penzance<\/p>\n
I am the very model of Catholic seminarian
I\u2019ve information pastoral, canonical, and Marian,
I know the Popes of Avignon and Councils Ecumenical
From Nicaea to Vatican plus gatherings heretical.
I\u2019m very well acquainted too with matters homiletical,
I\u2019ll write a pretty sermon that is eloquent yet practical,
About soteriology I\u2019m teeming with a lot o\u2019 news\u2026
Such as salvation history\u2019s relation to the modern Jews.
I\u2019m very open minded, I have Sunday lunch with Protestants,
I teach them our Church History and sing it in Gregorian Chants,
In short in matters pastoral, canonical, and Marian,
I am the very model of a Catholic seminarian.<\/p>\n
I know my ancient languages, some Latin, Greek, and Hebrew too;
I\u2019m smart as a Dominican, I write for The Thomist review,
I quote Thomas Aquinas and I know the Summa all by heart,
I know the arguments for God from Anselm to Rene Descartes;
I am an expert without doubt in all matters liturgical,
I\u2019ll see the rubrics carried out in fashion demiurgical!
I can intone polyphony from every epoch, school and rank\u2026
And sing all of the arias composed by Mister Cesare Franck.
Then I can run a bingo or a bake sale in the Parish Hall,
And sell spaghetti supper tickets at the local shopping mall:
In short, in matters pastoral, canonical, and Marian,
I am the very model of a Catholic seminarian.<\/p>\n
In fact, when I know what is meant by \u201cMolinist\u201d and \u201cArian,\u201d
When I can rise above the title of Popish sectarian,
When such affairs as wakes and confirmations I\u2019m more wary at,
And when each sort of imperfection, sin, and fault I can combat;
When I have learnt the progress of von Balthasar\u2019s theology,
Converted every member of the Church of Scientology\u2014
In short, when I\u2019ve a smattering of basic Catholicity\u2014
They\u2019ll say that I\u2019m a cleric full of goodness and simplicity.
And though my Bishop is impressed by my enormous panurgy,
The man is rather wary at my love for Latin Liturgy,
But still in matters pastoral, canonical, and Marian,
I am the very model a Catholic seminarian.<\/p>\n