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{"id":44174,"date":"2013-04-30T07:32:12","date_gmt":"2013-04-30T14:32:12","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/markshea\/?p=44174"},"modified":"2014-12-29T23:45:32","modified_gmt":"2014-12-30T06:45:32","slug":"people-say-to-me-mark-people-say","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/markshea\/2013\/04\/people-say-to-me-mark-people-say.html","title":{"rendered":"People say to me, “Mark!” (people say)…"},"content":{"rendered":"\n<\/head>

\u201cHow is it that you are so young, handsome, and healthy?\u00a0 What *is* your secret?\u201d<\/p>\n

Well, I will tell you, Random Citizen.\u00a0 As SCIENCE[TM] has now scientifically demonstrated, using scientificalistic sciency science proofs that only a bloody fool would dare to challenge, it\u2019s all in the beard<\/a>.<\/p>\n

I\u2019m not sure what this means for those women who cannot grow beards, but I\u2019m reasonably sure, as a member of the Bearded-American Community, that women who date and\/or marry men with beards will, by a scientific process known as \u201csympathetic magic\u201d also acquire the characteristics of youth, drop dead gorgeous looks, and health.\u00a0 I know my wife has.<\/p>\n

If the rest of you want to discuss how awesome my beard has made me, I humbly offer my comboxes for you to discuss among yourselves the manifold virtues of beards in general and my beard in particular.\u00a0 Here is an image for you to meditate on and venerate:<\/p>\n

<\/p>\n

Stunning, is it not?\u00a0 Of course it is.\u00a0 You don\u2019t even have to answer that.<\/p>\n

So.\u00a0 Beards.\u00a0 Why don\u2019t you have one, gents?\u00a0 Ladies, how can you love a man who is old, ugly, and sick when merely hiding his razor will confer on him the blessings of youth, handsomeness and health?<\/p>\n<\/body><\/html>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"