{"id":53806,"date":"2014-08-05T00:30:27","date_gmt":"2014-08-05T07:30:27","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/markshea\/?p=53806"},"modified":"2014-12-28T22:11:36","modified_gmt":"2014-12-29T05:11:36","slug":"dear-the-internet","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/markshea\/2014\/08\/dear-the-internet.html","title":{"rendered":"Dear The Internet"},"content":{"rendered":"\n<\/head>

Since you showed me this awesome toy <\/p>\n

<\/iframe><\/p>\nand made clear to me that my happiness and completion and fulfilment as a person depends on acquiring it, I feel that you owe it to me to supply me with one. The way I see it, this is exercise. Exercise is necessary for health. Therefore this is health care and covered under the HHS mandate. Hop to it and pay for this right away and I won\u2019t sue you. You\u2019re welcome. <\/p>\n\u201cBirt Mirk!\u201d Some of you may say, \u201cI thirght yir wir agirnst waterbirding!\u201d<\/p>\nIn the case of puns that terrible, I will make an exception.<\/p>\nBesides, it\u2019s our birthday, Preciousss.<\/p>\n<\/body><\/html>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"Since you showed me this awesome toy and made clear to me that my happiness and completion and fulfilment as a person depends on acquiring it, I feel that you owe it to me to supply me with one. The way I see it, this is exercise. Exercise is necessary for health. Therefore this is […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":92,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[1],"tags":[21,270],"class_list":["post-53806","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-uncategorized","tag-cool-stuff","tag-exalted-felicitations-of-the-day"],"yoast_head":"\n<title>Dear The Internet<\/title>\n<meta name=\"description\" content=\"Since you showed me this awesome toy and made clear to me that my happiness and completion and fulfilment as a person depends on acquiring it, I feel that\" \/>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" href=\"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/markshea\/2014\/08\/dear-the-internet.html\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"en_US\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta 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