On Ripeness and Courage - Micha Boyett<\/title>\n<meta name=\"description\" content=\"Why does \u201cfull term\u201d have to feel so\u2026full? I once read a lovely book (which I really ought to read again\u2026and you should read as well) called Great With\" \/>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" href=\"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/michaboyett\/2011\/02\/on-ripeness-and-courage\/\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"en_US\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"On Ripeness and Courage - Micha Boyett\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:description\" content=\"Why does \u201cfull term\u201d have to feel so\u2026full? 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{"id":1222,"date":"2011-02-28T00:09:33","date_gmt":"2011-02-28T08:09:33","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/mamamonk.com\/?p=1222"},"modified":"2011-02-28T00:09:33","modified_gmt":"2011-02-28T08:09:33","slug":"on-ripeness-and-courage","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/michaboyett\/2011\/02\/on-ripeness-and-courage\/","title":{"rendered":"On Ripeness and Courage"},"content":{"rendered":"\n<\/head>

Why does \u201cfull term\u201d have to feel so\u2026full? I once read a lovely book (which I really ought to read again\u2026and you should read as well) called Great With Child<\/em><\/a>, in which the author (Debra Rienstra) refers to herself as \u201cripe\u201d at the end of her pregnancy.<\/p>\n

I keep thinking about that. I feel ripe\u2026teetering on the edge of sweetness and rottenness. I should be picked from the tree soon or else I\u2019ll be one of those peaches I had to rake up every summer of my childhood, busted and icky.<\/p>\n

Ah, metaphors. The truth is, as much as I may feel \u201cripe,\u201d my life is continuing. I have playdates and deadlines and a little boy who is still not willing to poop in the potty. Waiting for a baby to come is so foreign from the rest of our planned and well-constructed lives. It\u2019s so primal. We have no control over it. Birth is messy and it makes us scream like the animals we are. It cannot be cleaned up, no matter how we try to sanitize it. That also means its looming nature cannot be removed from our minds. Or at least my mind.<\/p>\n

I\u2019ve said before that I\u2019m a recovering anxiety addict<\/a>. Notice I didn\u2019t say I\u2019m over anxiety, just that I\u2019m recovering from how it used to rule my life. I\u2019ve also said that I\u2019m anxious about this birthing experience.<\/p>\n

This past week, however, has been encouraging as I\u2019ve prepared myself for this birth. I met with my spiritual director on Tuesday hoping, of course, for a clear course of action: a contemplative structure I could follow while I\u2019m in labor, a verse to repeat, an image to picture. Debby reminded me what I really needed to hear: that in suffering I\u2019m given a way to enter into Jesus\u2019 suffering on the cross, to join him somehow in a space I rarely inhabit. Maybe that\u2019s all mystical hippy stuff, but it\u2019s just what my anxious heart has needed to hear this past week. I\u2019m joining Jesus in a place that is not new to him. It\u2019s difficult and frightening, but it\u2019s not lonely.<\/p>\n

My first delivery felt so lonely. As much as I was supported (my mother, midwife and husband were all amazing), I felt myself enter in to some wild lonely place where no one else could go with me. Time didn\u2019t exist there. My experience was a series of images: one person moving in front of my eyes from one side of the room to another. Words spoken and echoing. My thoughts floated above my body because there was no room in my mind for anything other the physical.<\/p>\n

I want Jesus to join me in that place: where we can look at each other and understand. Yesterday\u2019s sermon was on Christ\u2019s teaching in Matthew 6<\/a> when he commands us not to worry about tomorrow. My pastor<\/a> spoke of anxiety as drinking seawater. You drink it and drink it and are never satisfied, only thirstier.<\/p>\n

I cannot make myself more brave. But I can choose to walk into this with courage because I believe in a Savior who has also suffered, who never said life would be trouble free, only that we can live worry free.<\/p>\n

So, this ripe mama is going to finish all the tasks that need to be checked off the pre-baby list this week. And I\u2019m going to pray for a continued reality that, yes, I will suffer. And, yes, worrying about it will only feed my suffering. Instead I\u2019ll cling to the companionship I will share with Jesus in that lonely place of labor. And, in doing so, I\u2019ll need him to be my Savior: my spiritual Savior, my physical Savior.<\/p>\n<\/body><\/html>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"