I went down to breakfast and just could not stop hugging people. Long hugs. Good hugs. Tears and bows. And I am not one to either hug or get misty eyed. I finally got some oatmeal and sat down with Susan Kaiser Greenland, author of The Mindful Child, a pioneer in bringing mindfulness meditation to children. One point worth mentioning, among several, is that she brings behavior or conduct into her work, pointing children to become mindful of the consequences of their speech and actions. <\/div>\n
Just before going in the hall, I ran into Ken McLeod and I said, as I took his hands, \u201cMr. Nonconformity, that\u2019s my new name for you.\u201d In classic Ken style he responded quietly, \u201cI don\u2019t think of myself as either conformist or non-conformist.\u201d I said, \u201cThat\u2019s a classic non-conformist thing to say, because if you say you\u2019re non-conformist then in fact you are just pushing against conformity, thereby conforming. Kind of like enlightenment: if you say you\u2019re enlightened, then you\u2019re not.\u201d Then, I couldn\u2019t help but ask, I said, \u201cYou know the passages in the canon in which the Buddha is praising himself, his enlightenment, that he\u2019s the Tathagata and all that? Do you think he said that stuff about himself? I just can\u2019t imagine an enlightened person saying that.\u201d Ken said, \u201cI think people sometimes read the canon as being the actual words of the Buddha, but they forget that this is a highly formulated and accreted scripture [sorry, these are more my words but he said something to this effect]. The standards here are set so enormously high that all one can do is let go.\u201d (Ken is indicating that this is an effective teaching, since letting go is really awakening.) <\/div>\n
The closing session began with a silent milling during which people could bow to each other in twos with whomever they encountered. I found myself doing a lot of hugs, and touching the tops of heads for bows. Unfortunately, Stephen Batchelor and I came down too fast and too close and bonked our heads rather hard! We then gathered in groups of 4 or 5 to discuss the question, \u201cWhat is our learning edge (with either practice or as a teacher)?\u201d My group of four other women had a rich and lively discussion. One teacher I only knew vaguely before is my age, 36, and she shared that for many years her colleagues were only older teachers. She admitted that she was more comfortable with these baby boomer teachers than with peers, but that coming to the Next Gen preconference showed her how important it was to be with teachers her age, even if she had many more years of teaching experience on the whole. It opened up something for her. Another older teacher talked about the need for more interpersonal practice, that is, practice in relationships (of all kinds). I heard this point many times from quite a few different seasoned teachers. Something to the effect of, cushion time is important, but practice can also deepen through our relationships with others. I feel there\u2019s a new something emerging here, across lineages but more so for Zen and the vipassana folks, since the Vajrayana already has been doing this for some decades. A third teacher shared that the conference had been hugely helpful in relieving her aloneness, since her area doesn\u2019t have a lot of dharma resources. A fourth teacher echoed this, and we agreed that something we all want to look at is teacher development, which ties back into the interpersonal practice theme. That is, once we become teacher and lose peer-to-peer relationships, does our development stall or become arrested in some way? And if so, how can we keep learning and growing? We talked about online conferencing and regional conferencing.<\/div>\n
As for what I shared, it\u2019s a bit personal but I hope you won\u2019t mind. The day before I had gone to a meditation with Reggie Ray, which offered a type of meditation I\u2019ve never done before. It was more, I guess, energy based, and I found myself fairly resistant to it with quite a bit of judgment. Those two things, resistance and judgment, are signals to me that there\u2019s something good. In trying to understand this, what I saw was that I had been bypassing working with energy in practice. That is, I was gaining insight through mindfulness and also opening the heart through metta, as well as mindfulness, (the two are actually interconnected), but that by focusing on softening the heart I was bypassing connecting with energy or energetic systems. I saw clearly that I was doing this because part of energy is also sexual energy, and that I was afraid of sexual energy for a whole host of reasons. (One reason being that in Buddhist practice, at least in my lineage, we\u2019re trying to root out desire, and desire for sex is certainly a big one \u2013 doh, the
biggest<\/b> one. But in writing this, I\u2019m thinking maybe there\u2019s a difference between desire and sexual energy.) <\/span><\/div>\nAfter this, folks had the opportunity to divide into four groups. One group was for the Vajrayana teachers. They had also had a group meeting the afternoon before. I am not sure what issues they\u2019re processing, but I think it may have to do in part with figuring out the traditional place of the guru and whether and how that fits with Western styles of relationships. I sensed they\u2019re undertaking a major revision on this, and I think it seems healthy and timely. I decided to attend the group on planning for the next conference. Anyone could come. About 30 came, the room was full. I swiftly appointed Viveka to be the facilitator before anyone else could get in. Her performance was perhaps one of the best demonstrations of effective facilitation that I think any of us had ever seen. In 17 minutes (we took a full 20 minutes for introductions), she managed to get clear decisions from us and form a planning team that satisfied all. <\/div>\n
We came back to the main hall and formed a circle to thank all those involved. When it came time for the planning team to go up, I wasn\u2019t sure if I should be included because I had worked mostly on the Next Gen segment, but they asked me to anyway. We received a thunderous and long applause and I found myself completely willing to absorb all the love and gratitude from such a group. We welcomed the very oldest among us and gave her a huge round of applause: Ruth Denison. She was tremendously pleased. We ended with chanting the three refuges. Quite honestly, hearing the wall of sound from all sides (because I was in the center of the circle by then) from about 200 dedicated Buddhist teachers moved me to tears. I don\u2019t think I have ever chanted with that many Buddhists before, either. The dedication of merit was also very tender. We ended with a group photo, many more hugs and mingling, and lunch. <\/div>\n
On the way back into New York City (for a flight back to North Carolina), I spent time talking with someone I knew vaguely from IMS but not well, one of the younger teachers. I decided to ask him the question about energy. He said, and I thought this was really spot on, that sexual energy is generated around opposites and that while it can give rise to tension it can also provide clarity and energy. Heart energy on the other hand is about opening and oneness, and as a result, it can give rise to a feeling of connection but on the downside it can be soupy, hazy. The two together, however, in a balanced way provide connection and clarity. <\/div>\n
On the train, I sat next to the only Latino Buddhist teacher in attendance Shinzan Palma, a student of Joan Halifax\u2019s and teacher at Upaya Zen Center in New Mexico. He\u2019s 43. He told me about an unusual staffing system they (he) recently implemented in which the staff rotate positions. So, he\u2019s currently the kitchen manager, as well as a teacher, but he can also be rotated into the front office in the months to come. The benefits of this rotational system are that it reduces territoriality and the tendency for control and power, and it also creates staff who are skilled in all areas. The downside, as a pointed out, is a loss of expertise, but it appears the pluses outweigh this minus.<\/div>\n
I\u2019m now on a plane nearing Durham and I have to admit I feel, even as I get close to home, I have also left home. I am feeling a bit of grief and loss, even though I also feel now more connected than ever before. I am also feeling completely rededicated and energized in teaching, and much less alone than before. I also feel entirely open to how, as a new teacher, I have so very much to learn in this skill and art, and that whatever ups and downs I have, it\u2019s all expected and okay. <\/div>\n
Many thanks to James for allowing me to share my notes on the last 22 hours of the conference. I really enjoyed hanging with Da Rev, our early morning rendezvous in the lounge, tapping on our laptops but more often chatting and exchanging notes on our rich time together. <\/div>\n<\/div>\n
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