{"id":4,"date":"2012-01-28T09:34:00","date_gmt":"2012-01-28T09:34:00","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/mormontherapist\/2012\/01\/when-sex-hurts\/"},"modified":"2012-01-28T09:34:00","modified_gmt":"2012-01-28T09:34:00","slug":"when-sex-hurts","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/mormontherapist\/2012\/01\/when-sex-hurts.html","title":{"rendered":"When sex hurts…."},"content":{"rendered":"\n<\/head>
\n
I was reading your article about the physical relationship for married couples in the LDS faith.\u00a0 My wife and I are members and have been married for 5 years.\u00a0 For our entire marriage, intimacy has been incredibly painful for her.\u00a0 We have been to 5 different OB\/GYNs with no real help.\u00a0 Responses have ranged from \u201cit will get better after you\u2019ve had a baby\u201d to \u201cuse lubrication\u201d (which we always have) to trying to cauterize nerves (which was just excruciatingly painful and didn\u2019t help).\u00a0 She did go to a family therapist but she said she can\u2019t deal with the physical pain.\u00a0 Have you ever heard of this before, and do you have any recommendations of a type of doctor we could go to?\u00a0 Thank you in advance for any help you can provide. <\/div>\n
<\/div>\n

SEX SHOULD NOT HURT!<\/p>\n

    \n
  1. Immediately stop doing anything that hurts.\u00a0 For many couples this means taking a break from traditional intercourse.\u00a0 Find other ways to be sexual that you can enjoy or agree on as a couple \u2013 such as self\/mutual stimulation, oral sex, frictional embrace, etc.\u00a0\u00a0<\/li>\n
  2. Two books I would recommend would be When Sex Hurts<\/i><\/a> by Goldsteins and Pukall and Healing Painful Sex<\/i><\/a> by Coady and Fish.<\/li>\n
  3. Getting a correct diagnosis is important \u2013 so finding knowledgeable specialists will be an important part of your journey.\u00a0 Three mainly being an OB\/GYN comfortable and knowledgeable treating sexual pain, a pelvic floor physical therapist (International Pelvic Pain Society<\/a>) and a sex therapist (AASECT<\/a> or ISSWSH<\/a>).\u00a0 Many communities will have \u201cPelvic Pain Centers\u201d where you can find many of these specialists working under the same roof and in conjunction with one another.\u00a0 <\/li>\n
  4. Depending on the diagnosis, there are several treatments available such as prescription topical creams, prescription medications such as an antifungal or antibacterial, physical therapy, anti-anxiety treatments, anti-depression treatments, use of dilators, kegel exercises, yoga, injections, surgery, etc.\u00a0 <\/li>\n
  5. Having what we call \u201cgood genital wellness\u201d is important to treatment as well.\u00a0 This can include anything from getting good sleep, taking a multi-vitamin and having a fiber rich diet to making sure you are wearing breathable cotton underwear, and avoiding soaps, creams or other irritants.\u00a0 Even gentle soaps can be irritating \u2013 and your vagina cleans itself naturally.\u00a0 If you wear LDS garments make sure they are 100% cotton.\u00a0 You may need to take a break from wearing the bottoms and see if that makes a difference.\u00a0 And do not wear garments and underwear \u2013 we want less contact, not more.\u00a0 Sleeping with no bottoms on can also give your body a break from contact with anything it may find irritating.\u00a0 Stop wearing mini pads \u2013 instead change your underwear several times a day if needed.\u00a0 Use tampons without chemicals if you can tolerate wearing a tampon.\u00a0 If not, make sure your sanitary napkins are hypoallergenic and unscented.\u00a0 You can apply a natural product, such as Aquaphor<\/a>, olive oil, coconut oil, safflower oil or Walgreen\u2019s Skin Oil with Vitamin E<\/a>, to the vulvar area to prevent dryness and irritation from rubbing up to clothing. \u00a0 <\/li>\n
  6. I mentioned the use of dilators is often recommended as a way to desensitize vaginal muscles and prepare the vaginal cavity for intercourse.\u00a0 I recommend Soul Source Dilators<\/a> since they are made out of silicone and therefore are more pliable than plastic.\u00a0\u00a0<\/li>\n<\/ol>\n

    It is important through the diagnostic and treatment periods to be patient with one another as loving partners.\u00a0 Sexual pain has been one of the most misunderstood and misdiagnosed problems facing women.\u00a0 Unfortunately this exacerbates feelings of frustration, anxiety, depression and hopelessness.\u00a0 However, we are making headway with both research and treatment.\u00a0 You have every reason to be hopeful for mutually satisfying sexual experiences throughout your marriage.\u00a0 Getting away from myths such as \u201ctraditional intercourse and having an orgasm are the only ways to have sexual success\u201d will be an important part of your journey.\u00a0 There is much to explore and enjoy within the sexual realm that bring pleasure, bonding and intimacy.\u00a0 I wish you the very best.\u00a0 <\/p><\/div>\n<\/body><\/html>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

    I was reading your article about the physical relationship for married couples in the LDS faith.\u00a0 My wife and I are members and have been married for 5 years.\u00a0 For our entire marriage, intimacy has been incredibly painful for her.\u00a0 We have been to 5 different OB\/GYNs with no real help.\u00a0 Responses have ranged from […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":766,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[1],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-4","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-uncategorized"],"yoast_head":"\nWhen sex hurts....<\/title>\n<meta name=\"description\" content=\"I was reading your article about the physical relationship for married couples in the LDS faith.  My wife and I are members and have been married for\" \/>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, 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