{"id":412,"date":"2009-09-08T12:48:00","date_gmt":"2009-09-08T12:48:00","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/mormontherapist\/2009\/09\/how-do-i-get-a-friend-to-read-your-blog-without-coming-off-as-offensive\/"},"modified":"2009-09-08T12:48:00","modified_gmt":"2009-09-08T12:48:00","slug":"how-do-i-get-a-friend-to-read-your-blog-without-coming-off-as-offensive","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/mormontherapist\/2009\/09\/how-do-i-get-a-friend-to-read-your-blog-without-coming-off-as-offensive.html","title":{"rendered":"How do I get a friend to read your blog without coming off as offensive?"},"content":{"rendered":"\n<\/head>

I really like how you\u2019ve set up your blog, and how much you can help others outside of a sit down, formal meeting. I wish I could get one of my best friends, and her husband to meet with you in person. Their marriage has been falling apart since after the ceremony (her words, not mine) and now she\u2019s been putting so much emotion into trying to conceive and have a child (has one child, almost 3, and has had 4 miscarriages in the last year and a half) that she isn\u2019t putting in anymore effort to help their relationship. She\u2019s come to me for a shoulder to cry on, and to vent so many times. How could I get her to read your blog, or write to you without coming off as offensive? She called me about 3 weeks ago to tell me she was pregnant, again, and I haven\u2019t had any communication with her since, assuming that she\u2019s miscarried a 5th time. <\/span><\/span><\/span><\/p>\n


<\/span><\/span><\/div>\n
Thank you for your compliments. When listening to the problems of a friend and then wanting to advise or be helpful in some way, it is important to remember the following things:<\/span><\/span><\/div>\n
\n
    \n
  • The most helpful thing a friend can offer is a listening and non-judgmental ear. Being willing to listen entails being quiet, empathizing with the situation (even if you\u2019re not in agreement) and not butting in with your own issues or personal stories. In a good friendship there will be time for your issues or personal stories later. <\/span><\/span><\/li>\n
  • It is imperative that friends do not suggest divorce as a solution \u2013 even in the direst of situations. More than likely, the friend will not divorce (at least, not right away), the couple will go through a make-up process and then you are left in the awkward position of having said what you did. Even worse, the couple does divorce and then the friend comes back later (directly or not) and blames you for having influenced her on this decision. <\/span><\/span><\/li>\n
  • This does not mean that you can\u2019t suggest getting appropriate help. After the role of listening has played out, it is perfectly appropriate to say, \u201cMaybe this is something you need to get a professional opinion on. I see you hurting and at your wits end with the current situation. Quite frankly, I don\u2019t know how to help other than just love and support you. There are lots of people whose situations improve with therapy. I came across this blog the other day \u2013 maybe you should check it out.\u201d <\/span><\/span><\/li>\n
  • If you know a friend is in an abusive situation, you could encourage her to come up with a \u201csafety\u201d plan \u2013 where could she go, who could she call and how in a time of danger? This is where getting professional help or help through the bishop\/relief society president (if your friend is a member) should be highly encouraged. <\/span><\/span><\/li>\n
  • Don\u2019t tiptoe around obvious issues. People who are grieving can smell pity a mile away and usually resent it. They would rather people be upfront and honest than treat them as fragile or \u201cfalling apart.\u201d For instance, if you are guessing your friend has had yet another miscarriage, don\u2019t postpone calling her or seeking her out yourself. The situation of having any miscarriage, much less multiple ones, is immensely difficult for any woman wanting a child. I\u2019m sure it must be hard for her to call everyone and tell them the latest news if this is what has happened. Be upfront and ask her directly what it is she needs from you. Serve her in ways she may not ask for. And treat her like you normally would. When in doubt, be honest \u2013 it\u2019s better for you to say \u201cI feel awkward and I don\u2019t know what to say to you because I\u2019m so sad\u201d than to say nothing at all. <\/span><\/span><\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<\/div>\n

    <\/span><\/span><\/div>\n<\/body><\/html>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

    I really like how you\u2019ve set up your blog, and how much you can help others outside of a sit down, formal meeting. I wish I could get one of my best friends, and her husband to meet with you in person. Their marriage has been falling apart since after the ceremony (her words, not […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":766,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[1],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-412","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-uncategorized"],"yoast_head":"\nHow do I get a friend to read your blog without coming off as offensive?<\/title>\n<meta name=\"description\" content=\"I really like how you've set up your blog, and how much you can help others outside of a sit down, formal meeting. 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