{"id":414,"date":"2009-09-04T13:50:00","date_gmt":"2009-09-04T13:50:00","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/mormontherapist\/2009\/09\/how-can-i-change-my-perception-to-recognize-my-wifes-love-for-me\/"},"modified":"2009-09-04T13:50:00","modified_gmt":"2009-09-04T13:50:00","slug":"how-can-i-change-my-perception-to-recognize-my-wifes-love-for-me","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/mormontherapist\/2009\/09\/how-can-i-change-my-perception-to-recognize-my-wifes-love-for-me.html","title":{"rendered":"How can I change my perception to recognize my wife’s love for me?"},"content":{"rendered":"\n<\/head>

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I was very interested in reading the September 2009 Ensign article titled \u201cFidelity in Marriage.\u201d<\/a> <\/span><\/span><\/span><\/p>\n

I have the tendency to be critical of my wife\u2019s many friendships (not of the opposite sex) and to feel that her choices to invest much more time and energy in other relationships have been somewhat unfaithful and have led to neglect of our relationship. At the same time, I realize that these negative, critical thoughts of mine are also somewhat unfaithful to her and can easily lead to more unproductive ideas.<\/span><\/span><\/span><\/p>\n

I find that my thoughts and attitudes are most often a reflection or a response to my perception of others (such as my wife). So if I perceive her as someone that cares about me, wants to be with me, and is interested in strengthening our relationship, I can easily reciprocate and try to convey those same things to my wife. Most often this is not my perception though, and thus the frequent struggle with the negative thoughts.<\/span><\/span><\/span><\/p>\n

How can I develop an ability to have positive, kind, and loving thoughts independent of my normal perceptions (instead of as a response)? Or, if that isn\u2019t realistic, how can I change my perception to recognize my wife\u2019s love for me (that will then lead to my having more loving thoughts of my own)?<\/span><\/span><\/span><\/p>\n

I can try to be open to the possibility that my usual perceptions are completely wrong, but realistically, these perceptions are ingrained over several years, so without a change in some part of the equation, I don\u2019t have much confidence that my perceptions (or anything) will change. And the thought of not being able to produce any change or to feel any sense of progress is a little depressing\u2026.Any ideas?<\/span><\/span><\/span><\/p>\n

It is a hard balance to prioritize correctly the many relationships and responsibilities we have in our adult lives. This balance is further complicated with the fact that individuals differ in personality and emotional needs. Some are outgoing, social and extroverted while others are more introspective, quiet and prefer to stay to themselves. Therefore, the range of what can be considered \u201cappropriate behavior\u201d when it comes to outside interests in a marriage is vast. However, there are times when people do legitimately cross the \u201cappropriate\u201d line and are no longer prioritizing their marriage correctly. The article you point to discusses for instance the development of \u201cemotional affairs.\u201d These can happen when individuals get their emotional needs met primarily outside of their spousal relationship and therefore, can hinder the intimacy and growth the marriage experiences. In worst case scenarios, these emotional affairs can lead to a more serious physical\/sexual affair and the deterioration of the primary relationship. Of course, not all needs can or should be met in a marriage alone \u2013 so again, it is a balancing act. <\/span><\/span><\/p>\n

You don\u2019t give me sufficient information regarding your wife\u2019s social behaviors for me to give concrete feedback as to whether or not she is out of line. However, the fact that you are feeling unloved or unprioritized<\/span> is a problem regardless. Here are some thoughts you should consider:<\/span><\/span><\/p>\n\n