{"id":482,"date":"2009-06-17T17:55:00","date_gmt":"2009-06-17T17:55:00","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/mormontherapist\/2009\/06\/if-you-withdraw-sex-will-it-make-a-spouse-unfaithful\/"},"modified":"2009-06-17T17:55:00","modified_gmt":"2009-06-17T17:55:00","slug":"if-you-withdraw-sex-will-it-make-a-spouse-unfaithful","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/mormontherapist\/2009\/06\/if-you-withdraw-sex-will-it-make-a-spouse-unfaithful.html","title":{"rendered":"If you withdraw sex will it make a spouse unfaithful?"},"content":{"rendered":"\n<\/head>

Not that his choice was your fault<\/a>\u2026but i wonder if you withdrew sex from him, which made him go in that direction.\u00a0<\/span><\/span><\/span><\/span><\/span><\/p>\n


<\/span><\/span><\/div>\n
I would caution against the notion of holding a person accountable for their spouse\u2019s behavior. \u00a0Yes, couples are behaviorally intertwined (meaning that one\u2019s behaviors\/attitudes affect the other) and this couple may have been struggling in the area of their sexuality (which on a side note could be easily correlated to the many physical and emotional challenges of having small children). \u00a0And yes, both husband and wife share responsibility in creating and maintaining a sexual relationship. \u00a0However, the struggles mentioned by no means offer the husband a pass to infidelity. \u00a0Using language such as \u201cmade him\u201d automatically places blame on the wife and exonerates<\/span> the husband from the responsibility of his choices. \u00a0This is just not appropriate nor helpful. \u00a0Unfortunately we tend to have an underlying vibe in our culture that says if the wife isn\u2019t sexually satisfying her husband, then it leaves the husband no choice but to go outside the marriage for sexual fulfillment. \u00a0This way of thinking really does an injustice to both spouses. \u00a0<\/span><\/div>\n
\n
    \n
  • It misplaces blame on the wife, causing undue stress, anxiety, guilt and shame (none of which help solve sexual problems). \u00a0<\/span><\/li>\n
  • It places the husband in a stereotyped role where his physical desires are seen as uncontrollable and larger than his moral capacity. \u00a0 It also limits his ability to problem solve in a more creative fashion than resorting to affairs (such as increasing communication and listening skills). \u00a0<\/span><\/li>\n
  • It undermines the power of non-sexual intimacy. \u00a0In other words, a couple with healthy emotional intimacy levels should be able to communicate about their sexual life in a way that validates the physical needs and goals of both. \u00a0True intimacy not only takes into account the physical needs of both spouses, but the emotional needs as well. \u00a0 \u00a0\u00a0<\/span><\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<\/div>\n
    Hopefully both can become more self aware regarding their roles within the marriage and be willing to reach out to the other in a way that will increase intimacy instead of deflate it. \u00a0\u00a0<\/span><\/span><\/div>\n<\/body><\/html>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

    Not that his choice was your fault\u2026but i wonder if you withdrew sex from him, which made him go in that direction.\u00a0 I would caution against the notion of holding a person accountable for their spouse\u2019s behavior. \u00a0Yes, couples are behaviorally intertwined (meaning that one\u2019s behaviors\/attitudes affect the other) and this couple may have been […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":766,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[1],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-482","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-uncategorized"],"yoast_head":"\nIf you withdraw sex will it make a spouse unfaithful?<\/title>\n<meta name=\"description\" content=\"Not that his choice was your fault...but i wonder if you withdrew sex from him, which made him go in that direction.\u00a0I would caution against the notion of\" \/>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" href=\"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/mormontherapist\/2009\/06\/if-you-withdraw-sex-will-it-make-a-spouse-unfaithful.html\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"en_US\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"If you withdraw sex will it make a spouse unfaithful?\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:description\" content=\"Not that his choice was your fault...but i wonder if you withdrew sex from him, which made him go in that direction.\u00a0I would caution against the notion of\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:url\" content=\"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/mormontherapist\/2009\/06\/if-you-withdraw-sex-will-it-make-a-spouse-unfaithful.html\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:site_name\" content=\"The Mormon Therapist\" \/>\n<meta property=\"article:published_time\" content=\"2009-06-17T17:55:00+00:00\" \/>\n<meta name=\"author\" content=\"Natasha Helfer\" \/>\n<meta name=\"twitter:card\" content=\"summary_large_image\" \/>\n<meta name=\"twitter:label1\" content=\"Written by\" \/>\n\t<meta name=\"twitter:data1\" content=\"Natasha Helfer\" \/>\n\t<meta name=\"twitter:label2\" content=\"Est. reading time\" \/>\n\t<meta name=\"twitter:data2\" content=\"2 minutes\" \/>\n<script type=\"application\/ld+json\" class=\"yoast-schema-graph\">{\"@context\":\"https:\/\/schema.org\",\"@graph\":[{\"@type\":\"WebPage\",\"@id\":\"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/mormontherapist\/2009\/06\/if-you-withdraw-sex-will-it-make-a-spouse-unfaithful.html\",\"url\":\"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/mormontherapist\/2009\/06\/if-you-withdraw-sex-will-it-make-a-spouse-unfaithful.html\",\"name\":\"If you withdraw sex will it make a spouse unfaithful?\",\"isPartOf\":{\"@id\":\"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/mormontherapist\/#website\"},\"datePublished\":\"2009-06-17T17:55:00+00:00\",\"dateModified\":\"2009-06-17T17:55:00+00:00\",\"author\":{\"@id\":\"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/mormontherapist\/#\/schema\/person\/78971842fa93736d2376df2cd2ea8f54\"},\"description\":\"Not that his choice was your fault...but i wonder if you withdrew sex from him, which made him go in that direction.\u00a0I would caution against the notion of\",\"breadcrumb\":{\"@id\":\"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/mormontherapist\/2009\/06\/if-you-withdraw-sex-will-it-make-a-spouse-unfaithful.html#breadcrumb\"},\"inLanguage\":\"en-US\",\"potentialAction\":[{\"@type\":\"ReadAction\",\"target\":[\"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/mormontherapist\/2009\/06\/if-you-withdraw-sex-will-it-make-a-spouse-unfaithful.html\"]}]},{\"@type\":\"BreadcrumbList\",\"@id\":\"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/mormontherapist\/2009\/06\/if-you-withdraw-sex-will-it-make-a-spouse-unfaithful.html#breadcrumb\",\"itemListElement\":[{\"@type\":\"ListItem\",\"position\":1,\"name\":\"Home\",\"item\":\"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/mormontherapist\"},{\"@type\":\"ListItem\",\"position\":2,\"name\":\"If you withdraw sex will it make a spouse unfaithful?\"}]},{\"@type\":\"WebSite\",\"@id\":\"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/mormontherapist\/#website\",\"url\":\"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/mormontherapist\/\",\"name\":\"The Mormon Therapist\",\"description\":\"A safe, confidential "advice column" to get your questions answered.\",\"potentialAction\":[{\"@type\":\"SearchAction\",\"target\":{\"@type\":\"EntryPoint\",\"urlTemplate\":\"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/mormontherapist\/?s={search_term_string}\"},\"query-input\":\"required name=search_term_string\"}],\"inLanguage\":\"en-US\"},{\"@type\":\"Person\",\"@id\":\"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/mormontherapist\/#\/schema\/person\/78971842fa93736d2376df2cd2ea8f54\",\"name\":\"Natasha Helfer\",\"image\":{\"@type\":\"ImageObject\",\"inLanguage\":\"en-US\",\"@id\":\"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/mormontherapist\/#\/schema\/person\/image\/\",\"url\":\"https:\/\/secure.gravatar.com\/avatar\/85a797b548b6d0665ff186fb58c34aa3?s=96&d=mm&r=g\",\"contentUrl\":\"https:\/\/secure.gravatar.com\/avatar\/85a797b548b6d0665ff186fb58c34aa3?s=96&d=mm&r=g\",\"caption\":\"Natasha Helfer\"},\"sameAs\":[\"http:\/\/natashaparker.org\"],\"url\":\"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/mormontherapist\/author\/natashaparker\"}]}<\/script>\n<!-- \/ Yoast SEO plugin. -->","yoast_head_json":{"title":"If you withdraw sex will it make a spouse unfaithful?","description":"Not that his choice was your fault...but i wonder if you withdrew sex from him, which made him go in that direction.\u00a0I would caution against the notion of","robots":{"index":"index","follow":"follow","max-snippet":"max-snippet:-1","max-image-preview":"max-image-preview:large","max-video-preview":"max-video-preview:-1"},"canonical":"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/mormontherapist\/2009\/06\/if-you-withdraw-sex-will-it-make-a-spouse-unfaithful.html","og_locale":"en_US","og_type":"article","og_title":"If you withdraw sex will it make a spouse unfaithful?","og_description":"Not that his choice was your fault...but i wonder if you withdrew sex from him, which made him go in that direction.\u00a0I would caution against the notion of","og_url":"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/mormontherapist\/2009\/06\/if-you-withdraw-sex-will-it-make-a-spouse-unfaithful.html","og_site_name":"The Mormon Therapist","article_published_time":"2009-06-17T17:55:00+00:00","author":"Natasha Helfer","twitter_card":"summary_large_image","twitter_misc":{"Written by":"Natasha Helfer","Est. reading time":"2 minutes"},"schema":{"@context":"https:\/\/schema.org","@graph":[{"@type":"WebPage","@id":"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/mormontherapist\/2009\/06\/if-you-withdraw-sex-will-it-make-a-spouse-unfaithful.html","url":"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/mormontherapist\/2009\/06\/if-you-withdraw-sex-will-it-make-a-spouse-unfaithful.html","name":"If you withdraw sex will it make a spouse unfaithful?","isPartOf":{"@id":"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/mormontherapist\/#website"},"datePublished":"2009-06-17T17:55:00+00:00","dateModified":"2009-06-17T17:55:00+00:00","author":{"@id":"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/mormontherapist\/#\/schema\/person\/78971842fa93736d2376df2cd2ea8f54"},"description":"Not that his choice was your fault...but i wonder if you withdrew sex from him, which made him go in that direction.\u00a0I would caution against the notion of","breadcrumb":{"@id":"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/mormontherapist\/2009\/06\/if-you-withdraw-sex-will-it-make-a-spouse-unfaithful.html#breadcrumb"},"inLanguage":"en-US","potentialAction":[{"@type":"ReadAction","target":["https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/mormontherapist\/2009\/06\/if-you-withdraw-sex-will-it-make-a-spouse-unfaithful.html"]}]},{"@type":"BreadcrumbList","@id":"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/mormontherapist\/2009\/06\/if-you-withdraw-sex-will-it-make-a-spouse-unfaithful.html#breadcrumb","itemListElement":[{"@type":"ListItem","position":1,"name":"Home","item":"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/mormontherapist"},{"@type":"ListItem","position":2,"name":"If you withdraw sex will it make a spouse unfaithful?"}]},{"@type":"WebSite","@id":"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/mormontherapist\/#website","url":"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/mormontherapist\/","name":"The Mormon Therapist","description":"A safe, confidential "advice column" to get your questions answered.","potentialAction":[{"@type":"SearchAction","target":{"@type":"EntryPoint","urlTemplate":"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/mormontherapist\/?s={search_term_string}"},"query-input":"required name=search_term_string"}],"inLanguage":"en-US"},{"@type":"Person","@id":"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/mormontherapist\/#\/schema\/person\/78971842fa93736d2376df2cd2ea8f54","name":"Natasha Helfer","image":{"@type":"ImageObject","inLanguage":"en-US","@id":"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/mormontherapist\/#\/schema\/person\/image\/","url":"https:\/\/secure.gravatar.com\/avatar\/85a797b548b6d0665ff186fb58c34aa3?s=96&d=mm&r=g","contentUrl":"https:\/\/secure.gravatar.com\/avatar\/85a797b548b6d0665ff186fb58c34aa3?s=96&d=mm&r=g","caption":"Natasha Helfer"},"sameAs":["http:\/\/natashaparker.org"],"url":"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/mormontherapist\/author\/natashaparker"}]}},"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/mormontherapist\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/482","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/mormontherapist\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/mormontherapist\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/mormontherapist\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/766"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/mormontherapist\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=482"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/mormontherapist\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/482\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/mormontherapist\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=482"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/mormontherapist\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=482"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/mormontherapist\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=482"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}