{"id":5691,"date":"2019-10-23T12:00:24","date_gmt":"2019-10-23T17:00:24","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/admin.patheos.com\/blogs\/mormontherapist\/?p=5691"},"modified":"2019-10-22T10:05:49","modified_gmt":"2019-10-22T15:05:49","slug":"dont-call-it-a-choice","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/mormontherapist\/2019\/10\/dont-call-it-a-choice.html","title":{"rendered":"Don’t Call it a Choice…"},"content":{"rendered":"\n<\/head>

Free Agency is one of the concepts that I love within Mormon theology<\/a> and that correlates with good mental health. When people feel informed and empowered to make their own decisions, they tend to feel and do better. At the same time, we all influence each other so, how \u201cfree\u201d can agency really be? I found Lindsay\u2019s post provocative for thought as we tend to celebrate decisions and \u201cagency\u201d within Mormon culture<\/a> that corroborate the group\u2019s ideas and demonize decisions and \u201cagency\u201d that don\u2019t. When does the pressure to comply with the community (otherwise you face ostracism) interfere with concepts such as personal revelation, personal authority and free agency? Would love to have readers discuss further on the comments section.<\/p>\n

Today\u2019s guest post is written by Lindsay Hansen-Park. \u00a0 Opinions shared on guest posts may not completely reflect the positions of the blog\u2019s author.\u00a0<\/i><\/p>\n

\"\"Lindsay<\/span> Hansen-Park<\/strong> is a women\u2019s rights activist, a feminist blogger, and an advocate against gender violence. She co-founded Utah For Congo<\/a> to raise awareness for post rape survivors and is currently heavily involved in the Mormon Feminist movement.<\/em> Lindsay<\/span> is the Assistant Director for the Sunstone Education Foundation<\/a> and the founder of the Feminist Mormon Housewives Podcast.<\/a>She blogs for FeministMormonHousewives.org<\/a> about women\u2019s issues. Her work has been\u00a0referenced\u00a0by\u00a0the New York Times<\/a>, the Wall Street Journal<\/a>, NPR,<\/a>Quartz Magazine<\/a>, and many<\/a> other Utah publications<\/a>.\u00a0\u00a0 <\/em>\u00a0She and her family live in Stansbury Park, Utah where she raises three beautiful kiddos, gardens, and rages against the machine.<\/em><\/p>\n

If free agency is the cornerstone of our religion, I\u2019d love to see us do more to explore and nurture it as a virtue.<\/span><\/p>\n

The issue with the entire \u201cwe are so proud of [8 year old child, teenaged child] for choosing to [get baptized, go on mission]!\u201d is that it positions something that isn\u2019t actually a choice, free and clear as agency.<\/span><\/p>\n

It redefines choice to mean something else entirely.<\/span><\/p>\n

I\u2019m not saying anything revolutionary here, but for it to be an actual choice in the way it\u2019s meant, the options would have to be equitable. Meaning the choice to not get baptized, missioned, or plurally married (if you\u2019re a fundie friend) would be equally valid and accepted.<\/span><\/p>\n

We say it is, but it\u2019s actually not. Because if you currently choose not to do this thing, there are social consequences. And eternal penalties.<\/span><\/p>\n

In fact, show me an active group of nine year old Mormons<\/a> in the same ward who have decided to put off the decision of baptism or conversion until they are older. It doesn\u2019t exist.<\/span><\/p>\n

Disagree? Throw your child a party and buy them a new dress for not choosing to get baptized. See what happens.<\/span><\/p>\n

There\u2019s no two way path here- there\u2019s baptize or disappoint your family. Unfortunately this is a damaging thing that I often encounter in post-Mormon circles where people resent having this \u201cagency\u201d not just robbed from them, but superimposed on them and then labeled \u201cagency.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

I don\u2019t want to rain on your Pinterest parade. Those cute baptism announcements are cute and fun. And they incentivize people and compound the cultural pressure.<\/span><\/p>\n

If you teach young children first to conform, you\u2019ve taught them to relate to God through outward expression. People build a faith because it pleases people around them, not because it\u2019s deeply dyed into their hearts. Certainly those things can grow, and that\u2019s the hope, right? Baptize them young and they will learn to choose it.<\/span><\/p>\n

But then don\u2019t call it a choice. Because it\u2019s not. It\u2019s telling young children that making your family, neighbor and friends happy is equal to pleasing God and that\u2019s a really harmful lie. It damages the soul and is likely why faith and loyalty are unfairly conflated in Mormonism. This is such an easy fix to help with disaffection.<\/span><\/p>\n

Choices where you can please your family or disappoint them, isn\u2019t a personal choice. It\u2019s a community one. But it\u2019s not agency and it certainly isn\u2019t free.<\/span><\/p>\n

\u00a0<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

\n

Natasha Helfer Parker, LCMFT, CST can be reached at\u00a0<\/i>natashaparker.org<\/i><\/b><\/a>\u00a0and runs an online practice,\u00a0<\/i>Symmetry Solutions<\/i><\/b><\/a>, which focuses on helping families and individuals with faith concerns, sexuality and mental health. She hosts the\u00a0<\/i>Mormon Mental Health<\/i><\/b><\/a>\u00a0and Mormon Sex Info<\/a> <\/strong>Podcasts, is the current past president of the\u00a0<\/i>Mormon Mental Health Association<\/i><\/b><\/a>\u00a0and runs a sex education program,\u00a0<\/i>Sex Talk with Natasha<\/i><\/b><\/a>. She has over 20 years of experience working with primarily an LDS\/Mormon clientele.<\/i><\/p>\n<\/body><\/html>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Free Agency is one of the concepts that I love within Mormon theology and that correlates with good mental health. When people feel informed and empowered to make their own decisions, they tend to feel and do better. At the same time, we all influence each other so, how \u201cfree\u201d can agency really be? I […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":766,"featured_media":5697,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[28,27,57,45,138,26,170,43],"tags":[33,255,234,46,139,47,32,100,237],"class_list":["post-5691","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-adolescents","category-children","category-faith-crisisfaith-transition","category-gospel-teachings","category-mindfulness","category-parenting","category-spirituality","category-temple-issues","tag-children-2","tag-choice","tag-gospel-teachings","tag-lds","tag-mindfulness","tag-mormonism","tag-parenting-2","tag-spirituality","tag-temple-issues"],"yoast_head":"\nDon't Call it a Choice...<\/title>\n<meta name=\"description\" content=\"Free Agency is one of the concepts that I love within Mormon theology and that correlates with good mental health. 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