I\u2019m grateful to Jacqui for sharing her thoughts with us from the perspective of a fellow Latina and also a certified sex therapist.<\/p>\n
Today\u2019s guest post is written by Jacqueline Mendez. \u00a0 Opinions shared on guest posts may not completely reflect the positions of the blog\u2019s author.\u00a0<\/i><\/p>\n
\u00a0<\/p>\n It\u2019s been an interesting few days observing the responses towards JLo\u2019s and Shakira\u2019s Superbowl Halftime Show. I hesitated to post anything but given the work that I do in the world and having had multiple conversations already this week\u2026.<\/span><\/p>\n No matter where you stand on the performance\u2026whether you see these women as fierce and empowered or over-sexualized and immoral\u2026 IT\u2019S ALL A REFLECTION OF YOU and your inner landscape. What is being called forward to be healed, updated, up leveled or even celebrated.<\/span><\/p>\n Nothing in our culture calls for healing, updating and up leveling like women\u2019s sexuality. This year\u2019s response to the Super Bowl Halftime Show is a simple reflection of this.<\/span><\/p>\n Last year when Adam Levine went shirtless and showed off his tattooed body, there was no stir. Not one worry that sons and daughters across America would start tattooing themselves. Not one! Even though the Bible and the Torah share passages that clearly state that tattoos go against God (Leviticus 19:28, which says,\u201d You shall not make gashes in your flesh for the dead nor incise any marks on yourself: I am the Lord.\u201d). There was Adam Levine clearly breaking God\u2019s law and not a peep from anyone. Not one person went around telling tattooed Christians they\u2019re going to hell.<\/span><\/p>\n Beliefs about sex and feminine sexuality need to rise up in order for all of us to heal. My encouragement no matter where you stand on this is to slow down and get curious about what you believe and why. Remembering that all you believe is learned and that it can be unlearned and updated. None of it is really real. Otherwise, your well-defined defense mechanisms show up. You will project, repress, displace, avoid, blame and minimize\u2014exactly what we\u2019ve all been witnessing since Sunday.<\/span><\/p>\n I\u2019ve read persistent ideas about the impact on those who watched the show.\u00a0 <\/span>A few thoughts on that\u2026<\/span><\/p>\n What message does this give to children?<\/i><\/span><\/p>\n Children do not sexualize others. They are learning that from you by seeing how you respond to your discomfort and defense mechanisms. No child looked at Shakira and JLo and said, \u201cLook at those immoral women.\u201d Many, however, learned that from their parents Sunday.<\/span><\/p>\n My teenage son was in the room and he\u2019s already highly hormonal.<\/i><\/span><\/p>\n \u00a0<\/span>What a great opportunity to speak to your son (and daughter) about women\u2019s bodies being their own and what it means to sexualize the feminine form. Remember that women are not responsible for a male\u2019s sexual response, he is.<\/span><\/p>\n Watching the Halftime Show should have been Rated X.<\/i>\u00a0<\/span><\/span><\/p>\n Please watch some porn. (Not the misogynistic violent type). See the difference?\u00a0 <\/span>Pole dancing is not porn.\u00a0 <\/span>Belly dancing is not porn.\u00a0 <\/span>No one was having sexual intercourse. \u00a0<\/span><\/span><\/p>\n Watching these women being so sexual is going to cause my soul not to be permitted into heaven<\/i>.<\/span><\/p>\n No, I am not making this up.\u00a0 <\/span>This gentleman has even released videos in an effort to get legal representation.\u00a0 <\/span>Here is a man, like so many, that believes that women are only to be sexual to please men. What a great opportunity to release and update misogynistic beliefs about women and their sexual self. Because what women choose to do with their body is under their domain.<\/span><\/p>\n On a personal note\u2026.<\/span><\/p>\n I have studied and practiced pole dancing and belly dancing. It is hard work. It is invigorating and enlivening to move in a way that reinforces the feminine form and to see my body meet the physical challenges. And, most importantly, I do it for ME. Not for the masculine gaze, not to compete with other women. I have done it because it makes me feel more alive in my own skin.<\/span><\/p>\n By no means is my intention to convince anyone of any one way to see things.\u00a0 <\/span>My intention is to encourage inquiry and curiosity around sex and sexuality.<\/span><\/p>\n As a sex therapist and supervisor, every day I hear stories from men and women of carious culture, language, and religious backgrounds.\u00a0 <\/span>Stories of how they learned about sex and who they were taught to be as sexual beings.<\/span><\/p>\n A common thread in their sharing is shame around sexual expression.\u00a0 <\/span>Most was learned when as a child they behaved in a way that was deemed inappropriate such as being curious, innocently repeating what they saw and heard, shaking their body or touching their private parts (something children do to self soothe).\u00a0 <\/span>What labeled it shameful was the parents\u2019 or caretaker\u2019s reactions to the behavior. \u00a0<\/span><\/span><\/p>\n Another common thread is that women\u2019s sexuality belongs to others.\u00a0 <\/span>First it belongs to her parents, then her husband and finally to her children.\u00a0 <\/span>None of this is true.\u00a0 <\/span>It belongs to her.\u00a0 <\/span>I have sat with countless women that had no idea that this was true.\u00a0 <\/span>I\u2019ve seen parents get incredibly angry and take it personally when their daughter has sex without their permission and yet the same parents didn\u2019t bat an eye when their son did the same thing. \u00a0<\/span><\/span><\/p>\n The whole world is a mirror into us.\u00a0<\/span><\/span><\/p>\n What is reflected back to us is what we need to heal, update, and celebrate. My encouragement is to slow down, pause with curiosity and inquiry to what is going on inside of you.\u00a0 <\/span>Be curious as to where did you learn what you are upset about.\u00a0 <\/span>In doing so, you can begin replacing your reactions\u2014projecting, repressing, displacing, avoiding, blaming, and minimizing\u2014with responses of kindness to the parts that feel rattled and scared inside of you.\u00a0 <\/span>Because when we free ourselves from that which binds us, we not only set ourselves free, we help elevate all of humanity. \u00a0<\/span><\/span><\/p>\n I am grateful we are at least talking about feminine sexuality. \u00a0<\/span><\/span><\/p>\n And, given all the ruckus\u2026good to know I have job security for quite a long time.\u00a0<\/span><\/span><\/p><\/blockquote>\n Regardless of how you feel about the super bowl halftime show, I feel it is important \u00a0to \u00a0think about things from different perspectives. The reality is that modesty rhetoric in our Mormon culture poses problems of inappropriate shame and responsibility for arousal. This responsibility is placed unfairly on women. And if you\u2019re upset about \u201cobjectification\u201d\u2026 […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":766,"featured_media":6308,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[28,71,27,158,78,48,138,26,36,25,79,16,170,80],"tags":[34,311,33,180,92,139,32,111,270,308,30,100,110],"class_list":["post-6302","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-adolescents","category-body-image","category-children","category-gender-roles","category-male-issues","category-mental-health","category-mindfulness","category-parenting","category-pornography","category-righteousness","category-self-esteem","category-sexuality","category-spirituality","category-womens-issues","tag-adolescents-2","tag-body-image","tag-children-2","tag-male-issues","tag-mental-health","tag-mindfulness","tag-parenting-2","tag-pornography","tag-righteousness","tag-self-esteem","tag-sexuality-2","tag-spirituality","tag-womens-issues"],"yoast_head":"\n![\"\"](\"https:\/\/wp-media.patheos.com\/blogs\/sites\/153\/2020\/02\/1E1AAB3B-3C36-4D30-B1A3-E258C72AEBFD-2-2-scaled.jpg\")
Jacqueline Mendez<\/strong> is an AASECT Certified Sex Therapist and \u00a0Licensed Marriage Family Therapist.\u00a0 <\/span>Her passion is helping her clients create more freedom, acceptance, and empowerment through education and inquiry.\u00a0 Her goal is\u00a0 to help breakdown taboos, misinformation, and transforming rigid male-female sexuality stereotypes. Her focus is\u00a0inspiring others to create extraordinary lives, deeper intimacy, and experience greater sexual freedom and expression.\u00a0<\/em>www.JacquelineMendez.com<\/em><\/a><\/p>\n
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Natasha Helfer Parker, LCMFT, CST, CSTS\u00a0<\/i><\/i>can be reached at\u00a0<\/i>natashaparker.org<\/i><\/b><\/a>\u00a0and runs an online practice,\u00a0<\/i>Symmetry Solutions<\/i><\/b><\/a>, which focuses on helping families and individuals with faith concerns, sexuality and mental health. She hosts the\u00a0<\/i>Mormon Mental Health<\/i><\/b><\/a>\u00a0and Mormon Sex Info<\/a><\/strong>Podcasts, is the current past president of the\u00a0<\/i>Mormon Mental Health Association<\/i><\/b><\/a>\u00a0and runs a sex education program,\u00a0<\/i>Sex Talk with Natasha<\/i><\/b><\/a>. She has over 20 years of experience working with primarily an LDS\/Mormon clientele.<\/i><\/p><\/blockquote>\n<\/body><\/html>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"