{"id":66,"date":"2011-08-19T14:21:00","date_gmt":"2011-08-19T14:21:00","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/mormontherapist\/2011\/08\/how-do-i-prepare-for-my-marriage-night\/"},"modified":"2012-10-15T00:04:51","modified_gmt":"2012-10-15T05:04:51","slug":"how-do-i-prepare-for-my-marriage-night","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/mormontherapist\/2011\/08\/how-do-i-prepare-for-my-marriage-night.html","title":{"rendered":"How do I prepare for my marriage night?"},"content":{"rendered":"\n<\/head>
I am a 23-year old single male and have a question (several really). I have OCD (Obsessive Thought Disorder more specifically I guess) which I feel was brought on by severe guilt that I had from a masturbation\/pornography problem when I was in High School. I say that, so it can be taken into account as I ask my question. When I masturbated, a couple of times I just laid face down with pressure on my penis and fantasized which resulted in orgasm with minimal stimulation. I started this practice and only performed in a couple of times just before I stopped masturbating. About six months after I stopped, I was laying in bed on my back, and in a weak moment, let myself fantasize to the point that I ejaculated. I didn\u2019t even feel as though I had a strong erection before the orgasm. Almost a year after that (while on my mission) I was doing some ab exercises with a roller wheel.\u00a0 As I was performing the motion I again quickly became aroused, tried to remain calm and continue without entertaining any sexual thoughts, but still came to orgasm. Again, I felt as though I did not have a strong erection although I was aroused. It has been 3 years almost since that episode and I still have not masturbated, but feel as though I am not going to have control over orgasm. I can feel myself get anxious if I get aroused at some point which I know will only compound the problem. I am afraid that when I get married I will not even be able to penetrate without orgasm and disappoint my spouse. What can I be doing now to prepare myself, and what advice can you give me? Thank you for your help, and your blog is the most amazing discovery I have ever made! It helps with so many questions!<\/span><\/em>Hoping for a response\u2026 <\/span><\/em>\n

Thanks for your comments!
\nGenerally speaking what you describe is somewhat normal.\u00a0 Without masturbating or any other sexual outlet, your body is naturally sexually tense and your body will respond to small levels of stimuli.\u00a0 In fact it will be normal when you have your first sexual encounter to ejaculate almost immediately.\u00a0 If you wait to have sex until you are married, you and your wife should know to expect this.\u00a0 As you have sex on a more ongoing basis, your ability to last longer will naturally increase.\u00a0 It is important for your wife to know this so that she isn\u2019t disappointed if she does not climax the first few times you have sex.\u00a0 Lots of myths and apprehensions get started at the beginning of a marriage only because not enough education about what to expect is afforded.\u00a0 I don\u2019t see anything to be concerned about in what you describe other than your overall anxiety about this subject at large.<\/p>\n

I also want to point out that it is normal to have fantasies and sexual thoughts.\u00a0 They don\u2019t need to run your life by any means, but I wouldn\u2019t want you to run into the problem of inappropriate guilt\/shame on this topic.<\/p>\n

I would encourage you to see an individual therapist that could offer in-depth sexual education and that could help you normalize and accept your sexuality as a whole while at the same time respecting your wishes to wait for sexual intercourse until marriage.\u00a0 If you\u2019ve been diagnosed with OCD then you need to acknowledge that your judgment might be somewhat impaired as to how much guilt should be associated with certain behaviors\/thoughts.\u00a0 A trusted therapist would be a good sounding board for you to have.<\/p>\n

Please remember that your body and mind being sexual are good, normal things.\u00a0 This is how we have been created by a divine being.\u00a0 Within the context of our religion, we encourage for people to wait until marriage to enjoy sexual activity.\u00a0 However, your body does not know it\u2019s Mormon.\u00a0 Be patient with yourself and understand that sexual response is a normal and healthy part of life \u2013 married or not.<\/p>\n<\/div>\n<\/body><\/html>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

I am a 23-year old single male and have a question (several really). I have OCD (Obsessive Thought Disorder more specifically I guess) which I feel was brought on by severe guilt that I had from a masturbation\/pornography problem when I was in High School. I say that, so it can be taken into account […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":766,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[21,22,16,23],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-66","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-marriage","category-masturbation","category-sexuality","category-single-adults"],"yoast_head":"\nHow do I prepare for my marriage night?<\/title>\n<meta name=\"description\" content=\"I am a 23-year old single male and have a question (several really). 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