{"id":83,"date":"2011-06-25T02:11:00","date_gmt":"2011-06-25T02:11:00","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/mormontherapist\/2011\/06\/how-do-i-make-sex-exciting-for-my-wife\/"},"modified":"2011-06-25T02:11:00","modified_gmt":"2011-06-25T02:11:00","slug":"how-do-i-make-sex-exciting-for-my-wife","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/mormontherapist\/2011\/06\/how-do-i-make-sex-exciting-for-my-wife.html","title":{"rendered":"How do I make sex exciting for my wife?"},"content":{"rendered":"\n<\/head>
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Natasha-
I can\u2019t express enough how much I have enjoyed your blog and thank you for the information you have made available to your readers.
I have a question or am in need of guidance rather.
I have been happily married for over ten years (3 kids) and enjoy an amazing sex-life with my wife. We have sex 4-5 times a week and there are ZERO complaints from my end. She has no complaints either-as far as I know. Lately she has been making sex more exciting for me. Different lingerie, different positions, oral , etc. which I appreciate greatly. My problem is I am a dude. It\u2019s hard for me to come up with ideas on how to make sex exciting for her without feeling cheesy or made-up. I don\u2019t want to buy male lingerie (is that even available?) because I will feel dumb. I always just end up getting naked and laying in bed which I\u2019m sure she is getting tired of but won\u2019t tell me so.\u00a0 Once we start fooling around I feel I can bring my \u201cA Game\u201d with oral sex and different positions. But I would like to seduce her with things that women like or prefer.
Bottom line- What works for women???\n

I need your advice on how to make initiating sex exciting for my wife.
Thank you for your time.<\/p><\/div>\n

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So glad you are enjoying the blog \u2013 thanks for the compliments. <\/span><\/div>\n

First and foremost, I\u2019m glad to see that you are a thoughtful enough husband to 1. recognize the efforts your wife is making, and 2. want to reciprocate and please her as much as she is pleasing you.\u00a0 You are definitely on the right track!<\/span>\u00a0 Secondly, make sure you guys celebrate the success you\u2019ve already achieved.\u00a0 From what you describe \u2013 it sounds like you are already at a very good place.\u00a0 Congratulations!<\/span><\/p>\n

Third, although I will go ahead and give you some suggestions \u2013 every individual is sexually different.\u00a0 There is no \u201cone size fits all women\u201d when it comes to sexual tastes, desires, fantasies, turn-ons, etc.\u00a0 Therefore, your two main friends will be communication and experimentation.<\/span>\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

I would encourage you to start with the communication piece.\u00a0 Have you expressed to her your appreciation for her efforts?\u00a0 Have you told her how amazing it is to have a wife who is willing to seek out and meet your sexual desires and needs?\u00a0 When things are going good \u2013 I definitely encourage people to say so and to say so often.\u00a0 The other communication piece is to explain to her what you\u2019ve explained to me.\u00a0 That you are wanting to reciprocate.\u00a0 That you want to please her and prioritize her sexual needs.\u00a0 That you are willing to experiment.\u00a0 And you are wondering if she is aware of any things she might want you to try?\u00a0 The reason why I include the word \u201caware,\u201d is because for the most part women have not been conditioned or educated to be in touch with their sexual desires, much less ask for them.\u00a0 So you need to be prepared that she may not know herself what she might want.\u00a0 This is why experimentation is important for both of you.\u00a0 <\/span>\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

There are some stereotypical things that seem to apply to most women in the sexual department.\u00a0 Women tend to be much more psychological in their approach to sex and they tend to take longer for their arousal to get going and peak.\u00a0 So mood, stress level, positive sense of self: all of these are important when looking at the complex picture of female sexuality.\u00a0 Taking into account that it takes longer for arousal to take place, it behooves men to pace themselves when taking part in foreplay.\u00a0\u00a0<\/span>

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One thing that stood out to me when reading your question was your concern about feeling \u201cdumb,\u201d \u201ccheesy,\u201d or somehow insincere.\u00a0 <\/span>Don\u2019t you think your wife might feel \u201ccheesy\u201d or \u201ccorny\u201d at first when she tries to seduce you in a way that is new to her?\u00a0 When we attempt something new we usually feel more vulnerable.\u00a0 We fear rejection or being seen as non-experienced.\u00a0 This is an understandable and normal reaction and yet, should not be something that stops you from moving forward.\u00a0 Expect these feelings, accept them and move on knowing that they will subside with time \u2013 especially if and when things go well.\u00a0\u00a0<\/span>

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Now for the actual suggestions:<\/span><\/p>\n