{"id":133,"date":"2008-12-22T19:36:00","date_gmt":"2008-12-22T19:36:00","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/muslimahinprogress\/2008\/12\/22\/lonely-get-a-cat\/"},"modified":"2008-12-22T19:36:00","modified_gmt":"2008-12-22T19:36:00","slug":"lonely-get-a-cat","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/muslimahinprogress\/2008\/12\/lonely-get-a-cat.html","title":{"rendered":"Lonely? Get a Cat…."},"content":{"rendered":"\n<\/head>

I was reading a message on one of my groups earlier. A woman was asking for advice on a situation with her husband. Some ladies offered their advice on how to deal with a man who was behaving rather like a pig. It got me to thinking.
I am finding that some Muslim women are getting married to men who are, well, rather like pigs. Not only are they marrying men who are not suitable, they are taking on a burden of guilt for feeling hurt when their man behaves rather like a pig. I want to ask these women what they were thinking when they got married, but that would probably put them on the defensive. Instead, I\u2019ll ask the question rhetorically\u2026.
\u201cWhat were you thinking?\u201d
Now, I know I\u2019m sitting on high here from my comfortably-ten-year-married pedestal, but really. Is being abused, used, disrespected and dismissed worth the sex? Because in this day and age in the United States, there is really very little financial incentive for a woman to get married. I\u2019m assuming that women are getting married because that is the only way they can have halaal sexual relations. It can\u2019t be for financial reasons \u2013 most of these women work very hard and many do not get money from their spouses. Some are married Islamically but not legally and collect public assistance, of which said husband relieves them on a monthly basis. Others are supported by their husbands, but live in tiny accommodations and scrape by month to month because the brother is so busy with \u2018ibaadah in the masjid that he is spending precious little time earning money at his job.
Are you getting married because you are lonely? You want companionship? Well, be careful, because it seems a lot of ladies, especially those who are in polygynous marriages, are finding that their spouses don\u2019t spend much time with them. For those who are second (or third or fourth), you live in one town, the other wife lives in another, and he works in that town so he can only make it out a couple of times a month for a quickie. Text messaging and e-mailing do not a marriage make. If you are the only wife, you can still be left home alone while he attends every halaqah at the masjid or hangs out at the hookah place \u2013 and yes, you are in America but there will be a hookah place where there are two or more Arab guys \u2013 smoking and drinking tea while you try to find something interesting to watch on TV because he said cable is haraam and all you can find is Wheel of Fortune and Judge Judy.
Did you check this guy out? Did you get beyond \u201cHe\u2019s a good brother who prays and he\u2019s always in the masjid\u201d? Did you have a WALI who could look out for your interests and make sure the brother could keep a job and take care of a wife? Were you so desperate for any man that you would settle for one that you wouldn\u2019t respect? What were you thinking?
Let me just tell any ladies out there who are contemplating getting married \u2013 think about it, then think about it again. Go in with your eyes open and with realistic expectations. Have the brother checked out \u2013 really checked out. Find out his source of income, if he sends money back to his family, if he is going to tell his family he is getting married. Does he have another wife that he has not told you about but the community is aware of? Is he keeping you a secret from that wife? There are many telltale signs that a man is not a good match for you. In this day and age, it can be difficult to find a brother who is living according to the Qur\u2019an and Sunnah, who respects himself and respects women and knows that you don\u2019t become a servile piece of property when you enter the marriage. If you feel like you have certain issues that might keep you from being great wife material \u2013 you can\u2019t have kids, you already have kids, you have a chronic medical condition \u2013 you might think you\u2019ll have to settle to find a husband, that you\u2019ll just quietly accept any scraps of kindness he might toss in your direction. Think again. Don\u2019t sell out, don\u2019t settle, and don\u2019t be desperate. The right brother is out there for you, or he isn\u2019t. Don\u2019t settle for Mr. Wrong just to have a warm body on the other side of the bed. If you have a healthy sex drive and you think you\u2019ll be sorely tempted to commit fornication if you don\u2019t marry, then yes, by all means, be active in trying to find a husband. But if you aren\u2019t, then don\u2019t rush into anything. Go to school, work a job you love. Make friends with the women in your community and be active in improving the lot of women everywhere. Learn to cook. Take up Tae Kwon Do. Become a Haafiz Qur\u2019an. Make Hajj. Make peace with yourself. Yeah, you can get lonely. But you can be just as lonely in an unfulfilling marriage. Lonely? Get a cat.<\/p>\n

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I was reading a message on one of my groups earlier. A woman was asking for advice on a situation with her husband. Some ladies offered their advice on how to deal with a man who was behaving rather like a pig. It got me to thinking.I am finding that some Muslim women are getting […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":81,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[1],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-133","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-uncategorized"],"yoast_head":"\nLonely? Get a Cat....<\/title>\n<meta name=\"description\" content=\"I was reading a message on one of my groups earlier. A woman was asking for advice on a situation with her husband. 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