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Okay, I\u2019ve been thinking about this for a while and I just feel the need to get it off my chest\u2026.<\/p>\n
A lot of times, if you complain about something, you\u2019ll be told \u201cYou should be grateful to Allah for what you have!\u00a0 Don\u2019t complain!\u201d\u00a0 I find this mindset to be limited, to say the least.<\/p>\n
Now, I am the first person to say \u201calhamdulillah\u201d, praise be to Allah.\u00a0 My family is healthy, I have a roof over my head, I have food in the fridge, I have a car that runs, and I have more than one outfit of clothing to wear.\u00a0 Alhamdulillah, alhamdulillah, alhamdulillah.\u00a0 I recognize that there are\u00a0 people who would fight to eat some of the scraps of food that end up in my trash or compost heap.\u00a0 I get it, I really, really get it.\u00a0 I am thankful to Allah and I know I\u2019m in a better financial situation than a majority of the people on this planet.<\/p>\n
Having said that, I want to say this:\u00a0 Saying that something is not right, or something is broken and needs to be fixed, or saying that you wish you had a certain thing, does not imply ingratitude to Allah.\u00a0 Seeking your rights or seeking justice is not ingratitude to Allah.\u00a0 Being poor and refusing to strive to be rich (in a permissible fashion) is not necessarily a worthy thing or a healthy mindset.\u00a0 Just as living for the dunya only is not a virtue, neither is failing to strive for the best in this world.<\/p>\n
Imagine that you were the victim of a mugging and the mugger shot you in the arm and stole your money. You go to the police to file a report, and the police officer says \u201cYou should be grateful!\u00a0 Don\u2019t you know another guy got shot in the head and they stole his money and<\/em> his jewelry!\u201d\u00a0 And then they tell you to go away.\u00a0 What kind of logic is this?\u00a0 You are grateful that the wound was not more serious, but you still expect the police to investigate, arrest the criminal, and return your property, if possible.\u00a0 Yet often times we ask for simpler things than this and are told that we are not being grateful for what we have.\u00a0 Women especially are put in this position if they are not working outside the home and they have to approach their husbands for their needs.<\/p>\n \u201cHoney, I need money to buy curtains for the living room\u201d.\u00a0 \u201cCurtains?\u00a0 Why do you need curtains?\u201d \u201cWell, the bedsheets we have up now look kind of tacky.\u201d \u201cDon\u2019t you know there are people in (insert third world country name here) who would be grateful to even have<\/em> bedsheets?\u201d\u00a0 And there you are, left feeling like you are an greedy person obsessed with the trappings of dunya, when in reality you were making a perfectly reasonable request for window coverings that are customary in your society.<\/p>\n This accusation of ingratitude is used as a cudgel to discourage a woman from asking for her rights.\u00a0 American revert women usually get taken the worst, because they are seen as women who can be acquired cheaply without a high mahr (bridal gift) and without the high maintenance required of a bride in many other societies.\u00a0 You want a sofa?\u00a0 The floor is good enough.\u00a0 You want more than one set of bedsheets?\u00a0 Wasteful lazy woman, go wash them.\u00a0 You want a mixer so you don\u2019t have to mix the bread dough by hand?\u00a0 Hah!\u00a0 Meanwhile, the man is often styling in the nicest galabiyyah (have to look good in the masjid!) talking on his 4G iPhone (have to be able to download the Adhan!) and visiting the local shisha place a few times a week with his friends (have to network with the brothers!) while his wife sits at home, on the floor, watching local TV because he won\u2019t spring for \u201cevil cable TV\u201d (which, ironically, plays constantly at the shisha place \u2013 take your pick, soccer or Arabic music videos).<\/p>\n So, let me tell you, my brothers and sisters \u2013 because this cudgel can be used against men, too, though not as much.\u00a0 Telling someone that you are not satisfied with the landscaping in your yard is not a sin.\u00a0 If your yard looks like a blasted moonscape and all the other homes on the block are sporting neat lawns, it\u2019s a sin not<\/em> to spend money on it.\u00a0 If you only have chipped thrift-store mugs in which to serve tea, and only four of those so you can\u2019t invite more than two people at a time over for a visit, it\u2019s not a sin to invest in a decent tea or coffee set.\u00a0 It\u2019s not a sin to have enough towels, or a couple of changes of bed linens, or curtains, or a car with air conditioning.\u00a0 If you can\u2019t afford it, truly can\u2019t afford it, alhamdulillah ala kulli hal and you should be content with what you have.\u00a0 But if you can afford it, if you can budget for it, buy wholesale, buy used, find it on craigslist, somehow take care of that need, then do it.<\/p>\n See, there\u2019s a concept in Islam of the \u2018urf, or custom.\u00a0 For instance, here in the United States it is customary to have a stove and usually a microwave in the kitchen rather than a wood fire in a pit in the yard.\u00a0 It is customary to have a mixer or food processor so you don\u2019t have to cut everything by hand.\u00a0 It\u2019s customary to eat at a table, sit on a sofa or chair, and sleep on a bed with a mattress.\u00a0 It\u2019s customary to have air conditioning in the car in hot climates and it\u2019s customary for a woman to have a matching set of dishes.\u00a0 The person who is in charge of setting up and furnishing the home should do so in the customary way that is within his means.\u00a0 If you want to eat on the floor off of a common dish in the sunni <\/em>fashion, then that\u2019s great.\u00a0 But if you\u2019re marrying a woman who grew up eating dinner at the dining room table and sitting on a sofa in the living room, you have to take into account her custom and respect that and accommodate her as much as you can.\u00a0 Don\u2019t just say haraam alaiki and tell her the floor is good enough. Because if you want to go that far you may as well strip off the carpet, pull up the hardwood floor, and take it down to the dirt.\u00a0 And buy a camel to commute to work on.\u00a0 Because if you\u2019re gonna be Sunni, you may as well go all the way.<\/p>\n <\/p><\/span><\/div>\n Bismillahi Rahmani Rahim Salaam Alaikum wa Rahmatullah DISCLAIMER:\u00a0 I have to do this before articles where I write about stuff that ticks me off:\u00a0 I am NOT talking from personal experience here in this following blog post.\u00a0 My husband, mashaAllah, is kind, generous, wants me to buy stuff for myself, take time for myself, relax, […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":81,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[1],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-19","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-uncategorized"],"yoast_head":"\n
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