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<\/a>As Salaamu Alaikum (Peace be upon you)<\/p>\nOkay, this next bit that I just wrote I really hesitated to post.\u00a0 It\u2019s a fictionalized account of one side of a telephone conversation about a Muslim named Aisha.\u00a0 I want to say beforehand that I know there are many many good Muslim marriages, and there are wonderful cross-cultural marriages (such as my own) where the husband and wife are loving, dynamic, confident about themselves, and who tackle the world as a team.\u00a0 That being said, there seem to be a lot of unequal marriages.\u00a0 Marriages where normally confident and dynamic women give up many of their dreams in order to fit into some little cramped box that is supposed to define what the role of a Muslim woman is.\u00a0 That\u2019s why I wrote this piece and that\u2019s why I hope, before you start flaming me with comments, that you\u2019ll see that I\u2019m not condemning any group.\u00a0 I\u2019m trying to bring attention to what is THE foremost problem of this world, not just the Muslim world but the world in general, and that is the subjugation of women.\u00a0 It comes in many forms and some oppression is worse than others, but it needs to be attacked in all its forms.\u00a0 So, anyway, here it is:<\/p>\n
What happened to that sister I used to know?<\/strong><\/p>\nWhat happened to sister Aisha?\u00a0 She used to come to the mosque all the time.\u00a0 Remember how she was always at the sister\u2019 study circle, and how she loved to bake fresh cookies for our monthly tea?\u00a0 What happened to her?<\/p>\n
I remember when I first met her.\u00a0 It was at college, when she was getting her degree in, what was it, psychology?\u00a0 I just remember thinking this gal really had it all together.\u00a0 She was working while she was in school, too.\u00a0 She\u2019d zip into the parking lot, getting to class at the last minute.\u00a0 She must have spent a lot of time in her car, shuttling back and forth.<\/p>\n
She was so much fun to be around.\u00a0 She could find humor in any situation.\u00a0 I mean, even though she was really struggling financially.\u00a0 College is expensive, but she was putting herself through school, had a cute little apartment over on the other side of town.\u00a0 She\u2019d budget everything, never waste money on Starbucks.\u00a0 We\u2019d tease her about making weak tea so she could re-use the teabags.\u00a0 She told me she wanted to stay out of debt and not get any student loans.\u00a0 She didn\u2019t let it get to her, though.\u00a0 She was focused on her goals and she was loving life.<\/p>\n
Anyway, what happened to her?\u00a0 She what, she got married?\u00a0 When did that happen?\u00a0 Has it been five years already?\u00a0 Where did they\u00a0 move to?\u00a0 I mean, surely she\u2019s not still around town or we\u2019d see her.\u00a0 I don\u2019t remember a nikah or walimah or anything.\u00a0 But, you know, that must have been when I went overseas to study for a while.\u00a0 I guess I missed out on everything and when I came back, I\u2019m ashamed to say I kind of forgot about her being here.\u00a0 I guess I just assumed she\u2019d moved away.\u00a0 You know, on to bigger and better things.<\/p>\n
So what is she doing now?\u00a0 Is she working?\u00a0 Oh, her husband didn\u2019t want her to work.\u00a0 That\u2019s a shame, kinda.\u00a0 I mean, she was really passionate about helping other people and I know she had planned to become a counselor.\u00a0 Hmm.\u00a0 He didn\u2019t want her working with losers?\u00a0 Well, that\u2019s kinda harsh.\u00a0 Is he even religious?\u00a0 Well, it\u2019s not how long your beard is, in my opinion.\u00a0 I can understand a man not wanting his wife to work a cruddy \u201cjob\u201d job but that was her career, her calling.\u00a0 What do you mean, he told her it was haraam?\u00a0 How can counseling people be haraam?\u00a0 Sigh.\u00a0 Still, if she wasn\u2019t working she should have had plenty of time to come to the mosque.\u00a0 He, what?\u00a0 Sold her car?\u00a0 Well, sure, if he\u2019s the only one working they don\u2019t need two cars to commute, but still, it\u2019s hard to get out if he\u2019s got the car all the time, I imagine.<\/p>\n
Have you gone to visit her?\u00a0 Yeah, I need to go see her.\u00a0 Maybe I could pick her up to come to the class here at the mosque.\u00a0 What do you mean, he doesn\u2019t want her to come to the mosque?\u00a0 Fitnah, how can coming here be fitnah?\u00a0 Yeah, so we only have one big room and there\u2019s not perfect separation between the men and the women, but still.\u00a0 She lowers her gaze, guys stay up front, what\u2019s the problem?\u00a0 I mean, just being in the same building isn\u2019t an issue.\u00a0 Dang, it\u2019s not like some brother is going to glance back at us and be overcome with lust and gallop back here and jump on us.\u00a0 He really sounds strict.\u00a0 What does her mom say about this?\u00a0 I know her mom was a bit nervous when she became Muslim, but she really was starting to relax because Aisha was so kind to her and patient.\u00a0 What do you mean she\u2019s not allowed to see her mom?\u00a0 He told her not to visit because her mom is a kaafir and has a dog?\u00a0 Well, duh, of course she\u2019s not Muslim, but that doesn\u2019t mean you can break off family ties.\u00a0 So what exactly does she do all day at home?\u00a0 Do they have any kids?\u00a0 Aww, sweet, a boy and a girl.\u00a0 Well, it\u2019s good that she has them to help keep her busy.\u00a0 I\u2019d love to see them.\u00a0 Do you know if anyone has her number?\u00a0 Oh, well, now, after what you\u2019ve told me, I guess I\u2019m not surprised that they don\u2019t have a phone at home.\u00a0 He doesn\u2019t want some strange men calling the house.\u00a0 Does she ever get out?\u00a0 Man, I\u2019d go nuts if I never got out of the house.<\/p>\n
Wow, it\u2019s sad, really.\u00a0 I mean, she was so dynamic, so focused, so smart.\u00a0 She was someone I admired.\u00a0 Why in the world did she marry someone who was going to drop the hammer on her and be so controlling?\u00a0 Didn\u2019t she check this guy out before they got married?\u00a0 I mean, so what if the Imaam highly recommended him.\u00a0 He can pray every prayer in the mosque and fast like a maniac.\u00a0 That doesn\u2019t tell how he\u2019s going to treat his wife.\u00a0 What did she get herself into?\u00a0 When did you see her last?\u00a0 How did she look?\u00a0 Not good, huh.\u00a0 Kinda beat down?\u00a0 Did she tell you anything?\u00a0 No, she\u2019s so sweet, she wouldn\u2019t tell any secrets about her life, but you could tell she wasn\u2019t happy?\u00a0 Shame.\u00a0 Shame shame.\u00a0 I wish I could go talk to her, see if she would like some company.\u00a0 I\u2019d like to see the kids.\u00a0 I\u2019m kinda afraid to try, though.\u00a0 Maybe her husband would think I was a bad influence because I work or because I drive.\u00a0 Man, makes me want to run home and hug my husband.\u00a0 He\u2019s strong enough to let me be myself and he always encourages me to do things.\u00a0 Just goes to show you, you have to be so careful to do your homework before you get married.\u00a0 You could end up being a prisoner in your own home.\u00a0 Yeah, sad, huh?\u00a0 Well, I\u2019ll make it a point to try to go see her soon, just to check up on her.\u00a0 Poor thing, so much potential.\u00a0 Now she\u2019s stuck inside four walls with no friends because her husband controls every moment of her life.\u00a0 What\u2019s he afraid of?\u00a0 La hawla wa la quwatta ila billah.\u00a0 Maybe one day she\u2019ll wake up and realize she didn\u2019t stop being a person when she became a wife.\u00a0 I hope she does it before it\u2019s too late.<\/p>\n<\/body><\/html>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
As Salaamu Alaikum (Peace be upon you) Okay, this next bit that I just wrote I really hesitated to post.\u00a0 It\u2019s a fictionalized account of one side of a telephone conversation about a Muslim named Aisha.\u00a0 I want to say beforehand that I know there are many many good Muslim marriages, and there are wonderful […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":81,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[1],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-191","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-uncategorized"],"yoast_head":"\n
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