Okay, I confess.\u00a0 It\u2019s almost 10:30 in the morning and I just now realized it\u2019s not Monday, it\u2019s Tuesday.\u00a0 It\u2019s not my fault \u2013 all my mental markers are off.\u00a0 The kids had their first day back at school today, <\/i>not yesterday, after a long spring break.\u00a0 And today my husband didn\u2019t go to his usual auction due to a schedule change.\u00a0 So I\u2019m feeling like it\u2019s Monday mentally.\u00a0 Well, I don\u2019t have any appointments outside the house so I guess it doesn\u2019t matter.\u00a0\u00a0<\/p><\/div>\n Abdallah was the mensch <\/i>of his generation.\u00a0 He started out broke and worked his way up until he had a lucrative and powerful job in the marketing department of the Austrian Embassy.\u00a0 He was very generous with his money.\u00a0 You always knew you could go to Abdallah for help with a payment, or money for a nice wedding, or to help pay someone\u2019s school fees.\u00a0 He gave so much away but never took care of himself.\u00a0 He\u2019d forget to eat or not want to spend a few piasters for a bowl of lentils or a fuul sandwich while he was out of the house.\u00a0 He didn\u2019t spend any money on dental care, and lost all his teeth.\u00a0 He did this while buying expensive rugs, dishwashers, washing machines, and other things for his three adult children.\u00a0 He spent lavishly on others but was content with little for himself\u00a0 And now?\u00a0 And now\u2026.<\/p>\n When we see an elderly person in this condition, sometimes we think to ourselves \u201cYa Allah, please don\u2019t reduce me to this!\u00a0 I\u2019d rather go out in a train wreck than return to the status of an infant, looking to others for all my needs\u201d.\u00a0 We don\u2019t have any control over what is going to happen to us, whether we will be hale and hearty into old age, or doddering and of foggy mind.\u00a0 We may be at the mercy of others, and human beings can be far, far less merciful than Allah.<\/p>\n We\u2019re bringing Abdallah home today, and we\u2019ll do our best to keep him clean, fed, and comfortable.\u00a0 My husband is already exhaused from the hospital back-and-forth, and now he\u2019s trying to figure out how we are going to juggle work, five kids, keeping the household running, and taking care of his dad.\u00a0 He\u2019s got a huge burden on his shoulders, but he understands all about love, mercy, and duty, and he does not shy away from it.\u00a0 He welcomes the opportunity to earn the blessing from Allah for taking care of his dad, as he took care of his mom over the years during a long chronic illness that finally took her life.\u00a0 He tells Allah thank you for the chance to earn reward, but he\u2019s also praying that he can have a little relief and that the daily toll is not too heavy for him.\u00a0 I\u2019ll be backstopping him and doing what I can to help, but the lion\u2019s share of the work is his.\u00a0 <\/p>\n So, what\u2019s in our future?\u00a0 Allah knows.\u00a0 The hospital staff thinks we are either saints or crazy, trying to take care of an elderly invalid.\u00a0 We don\u2019t have any insurance so we don\u2019t qualify for most services \u2013 Abdallah\u2019s immigration has been stuck in \u201cpending\u201d status for two years.\u00a0 We don\u2019t have a large extended family to help carry the load, so it will be mostly him and me and some helpful brothers pressganged into service after asr prayer inshaAllah to help us with the transportation.\u00a0 Some of the nurses even suggested we just leave him at the hospital, claiming poverty and an inability to care for him, and just leave them to find some nook or cranny to jam him into.\u00a0 That was not an option.\u00a0 We are not saints, I think we are not crazy.\u00a0 We are just doing what needs to be done, no fanfare, no wringing of hands or remonstrating to the heavens \u201cWhy me?\u201d.\u00a0 We are taking care of a family member who is in need.\u00a0 Isn\u2019t that what people do?\u00a0 Bismillahi Rahmani Rahim Salaam Alaikum wa Rahmatullah Okay, I confess.\u00a0 It\u2019s almost 10:30 in the morning and I just now realized it\u2019s not Monday, it\u2019s Tuesday.\u00a0 It\u2019s not my fault \u2013 all my mental markers are off.\u00a0 The kids had their first day back at school today, not yesterday, after a long spring break.\u00a0 And […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":81,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[1],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-27","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-uncategorized"],"yoast_head":"\n
<\/i>When Abdallah is home, I\u2019m praying he won\u2019t be so quiet and depressed like he has been much of the week in the hospital.\u00a0 InshaAllah, having the kids coming and going, the cats jumping up on the table to say hi,\u00a0 being able to listen to Qur\u2019an and lectures from the computer, all the normalcy will help perk him up a bit.\u00a0 I know he\u2019s confused, sad, mad, helpless.\u00a0 It\u2019s our job to comfort him and do the best we can.\u00a0 After all, those kids, my kids, his grandkids, are watching.\u00a0 They\u2019re getting a lesson in Islam right now.\u00a0 They are learning that you don\u2019t just discard parents when they are old and inconvenient; you do the right thing, even if it\u2019s hard and it makes you tired and it means you don\u2019t get to go play as much as you want.\u00a0 All the talk in the world won\u2019t teach this lesson, but seeing us taking care of their grandfather with love and compassion and kind words will.\u00a0 InshaAllah, if my husband and I live to be doddering old people, our kids will remember and will do what is necessary to take care of us with love and kindness.\u00a0 Even if I were childless I\u2019d still do the right thing by my father-in-law, but knowing I have kids who inshaAllah will be there for me is a comforting thought.<\/p><\/div>\n![\"\"](\"https:\/\/blogger.googleusercontent.com\/tracker\/8276196425188955527-6686552801433560671?l=muslimahinprogress.blogspot.com\")