rape case in Steubenville, Ohio<\/a>.\u00a0 The basics of the story are that two high school boys were accused of raping a sixteen year old girl at a party.\u00a0 This morning they were convicted.\u00a0 This is graphic so I\u2019m warning you beforehand.<\/p>\nThe girl was drunk.\u00a0 Blackout drunk.\u00a0 Beyond falling-down drunk.\u00a0 Evidently the young men digitally penetrated her vagina, inserting fingers.\u00a0 That\u2019s more than I wanted to write but that\u2019s the essence of the case so it has to be stated explicitly.\u00a0 This constitutes rape in the state of Ohio (as it should).<\/p>\n
There was a scandal around the case because people thought the crime was being covered up due to the fact that the young men were popular football players.\u00a0 There was cell phone video and there were texts that helped prove the case.\u00a0 Some of the information was published by a hacker group in order to bring it to light.\u00a0 Ultimately, the facts of the case were put before a judge and the young men were found guilty.<\/p>\n
There is so much wrong about that I don\u2019t even know where to start.\u00a0 Oh, wait, I do know where to begin.\u00a0 I want to know how we as a society have fallen so far that we allow this sort of thing to happen.\u00a0 What happened to a society that has limits, that keeps track of its children, that doesn\u2019t allow a sixteen year old girl to be out on her own, out drinking alcohol, out drinking alcohol at a party where she can consume so much booze that she is rendered unconscious so that two randy teenage boys can take advantage of her?\u00a0 Two teenage boys who were also underage and drinking.\u00a0 Where the hell are the adults in this scenario?<\/p>\n
In a perfect world, parents would teach their children from a very young age about the evils of drinking alcohol.\u00a0 They would raise them to respect their bodies and to not contaminate them with booze.\u00a0 I grew up in a normal American household.\u00a0 Dad would have the occasional beer on a hot day after mowing the lawn, mom would drink some wine at a party, and there was a bottle of mint liqueur in the cabinet.\u00a0 My sister or I would take an occasional sip of whatever they were drinking.\u00a0 One sip of beer was enough for me to develop a lifelong distaste for it.\u00a0 Wine?\u00a0 Meh.\u00a0 But I DID like the occasional teeny-tiny sip of that liqueur, especially when someone made a fancy drink called a Grasshopper.\u00a0 My parents would allow us this little tot, and that was pretty much it.\u00a0 We grew up with alcohol being a normal, minor part of our household.\u00a0 It was not treated like the devil\u2019s urine, nor was it chugged down with reckless abandon.\u00a0 Now, as a Muslim, I don\u2019t drink it at all and I teach my children that the damage wrought by alcohol is greater than the benefit, and I pray that they will have the sense to stay away from it, but even when I teach them about it being forbidden in Islam I do it in a common sense manner without histrionics.\u00a0 Will one of them take a sip of beer or drink a wine cooler?\u00a0 Kids experiment so it\u2019s certainly not impossible, and I\u2019ll cross that bridge if and when I come to it.\u00a0 But what I\u2019m saying is, we TALK about it, discuss it openly and often.\u00a0 It\u2019s my responsibility as a parent to try to steer my kids away from alcohol, tobacco, and other drugs.\u00a0 It starts when they are little kids and continues throughout their youth.<\/p>\n
Alcohol was a major player in this case but the real evil was in the sexual attitudes of the young men, and in the failure of the parents of the girl to protect her from getting into this type of situation.\u00a0 Our society is so hyper-sexualized that girls the victim\u2019s age and much, much younger walk around with hair done, makeup on, wearing tight jeans with \u201cBad Girl\u201d emblazoned across the butt, and they feel it\u2019s normal to act out, to flirt, to get into kissing, touching, heavy petting, and sexual intercourse.\u00a0 Boys think it\u2019s normal to check out Daddy\u2019s porn stash and to refer to girls as bitches and hoes.\u00a0 They interact, not in a wholesome manner of one human being to another, but in an unhealthy dance of stud muffin and sex kitten.\u00a0 Teen pregnancy, sexually transmitted diseases, and rape are a natural outcome of this anything-goes attitude.<\/p>\n
I have four boys and one girl at home.\u00a0 They range in ages from thirteen to two.\u00a0 My daughter will be five soon.\u00a0 It\u2019s my job as a parent to raise them to be honorable members of society, and I turn to my religion, Islam, to help me do that.\u00a0 Now, I know it\u2019s not fashionable to talk about modesty and chastity and saving it for marriage, and many of you might think I\u2019m unrealistic and setting the bar too high, but if I don\u2019t clearly outline my expectations, then why don\u2019t I just turn the kids loose in the streets and let the predators have them?<\/p>\n
I raise my boys to respect women.\u00a0 I tell them, and most recently we had this discussion just last week, that being a Muslim man means respecting a woman even when she doesn\u2019t appear to respect herself.\u00a0 That means you interact honorably with a woman whether she is dressed in full hijaab or a bikini.\u00a0 You lower your gaze and act politely and never assume that bare skin or a flirtatious look is an invitation to touch or, God forbid, do more than that.\u00a0 I mean, even if a woman is willing to fornicate, the sin is on YOU if you follow through, not just her.\u00a0 How much greater is the sin if you touch a woman who doesn\u2019t want you to, even if she is dressed in an provocative manner?<\/p>\n
I raise my boys to understand that their job is to protect women.\u00a0 That includes their sister first and foremost, and it includes other women, no matter how they are dressed, whether they are Muslim or not, whether or not they are keeping themselves safe or have put themselves in a compromising position.\u00a0 They are raised to understand they DO have the discipline to turn away from a scantily-clad girl flirting with them, and the DO have the duty to help a girl in need.\u00a0 If I don\u2019t raise my boys to be men, society will let them become predators.<\/p>\n
And my daughter.\u00a0 I tell you right now, if you see ANY of my kids, boys or girl, at age sixteen at a party where alcohol is being served, then you need to lock ME up for being a stupid irresponsible parent.\u00a0 How in the world am I going to leave my hormonally frenetic adolescents alone to go where they want when they want, especially in a society here in the US where so many drink and smoke and fornicate.\u00a0 It\u2019s as irresponsible as rubbing my kid with prime rib and then tossing him into a lion\u2019s den.\u00a0 When I was a kid I had a curfew.\u00a0 My sister wasn\u2019t allowed to wear makeup until she was fifteen.\u00a0 Now, my parents divorced a couple of years after that and then things kind of went to hell in a handbasket, but really, that just proves my point.\u00a0 Parents have to take care of their kids, set limits for their kids, make curfews, say no you\u2019re not going out in that, say hell no you\u2019re not going out with them, talk to them all the time even when the kids are rolling their eyes, put their foot down, lay down the law, all that stuff.\u00a0 There have to be clear lines drawn between what is allowed and what is not allowed.\u00a0 You are not your kids\u2019 buddy or friend; you\u2019re the grownup and it\u2019s up to YOU to make sure your little girl, your princess, the apple of your eye, is not out at night at age sixteen slamming down wine coolers and flirting with the guys on the football team.\u00a0 YOUR job.\u00a0 You.<\/p>\n
Oh, you are so naive, you tell me.\u00a0 You\u2019re just going to make them rebel, like the proverbial preacher\u2019s kid who cuts loose and is worse than any other teen in town.\u00a0 You know what, I\u2019m gonna take that risk.\u00a0 That\u2019s not going to stop me from teaching and telling my kids what I expect out of them.\u00a0 Trust me, I\u2019m not naive.\u00a0 I don\u2019t just say no no no.\u00a0 I know that for every \u201cno\u201d you have to give a \u201cyes\u201d and it\u2019s also part of my job as a parent to give my kids healthy outlets for growth, permissible social outlets to get to know members of the opposite gender in a healthy manner, all that stuff.\u00a0 That\u2019s a whole \u2018nother article and I am trying to raise my kids in a balanced manner, not just wagging my finger at them and locking them in their rooms.<\/p>\n
So, who is guilty in the Steubenville case?\u00a0 Certainly, the girl is guilty of bad judgement in going to a party and drinking alcohol to excess.\u00a0 Absolutely, the young men are guilty of rape.\u00a0 But society as a whole is guilty, too, guilty of not raising our kids right. Guilty of allowing the media and marketers to sexualize our toddlers and sell pushup bras to twelve year olds, to show boys that if they wear Axe body spray women will jump all over them.\u00a0 We are guilty of not setting limits.\u00a0 We are guilty of looking the other way and just assuming our kids will make the right decision.\u00a0 Being poor role models.\u00a0 Letting pop culture raise our kids.\u00a0 Just think.\u00a0 If one mom or dad had made sure their teenage daughter was home that night, this would not have happened.\u00a0 If two other sets of parents had made sure their teenage boys were home that night, this would not have happened.\u00a0 If someone had stopped an underage kid from buying or otherwise acquiring booze, if adults had broken up this party, if someone had been responsible enough to tell these kids to go the hell home, this would not have happened.\u00a0 It\u2019s them, but it\u2019s us.\u00a0 They are OUR kids, damn it.\u00a0 We did this to them.\u00a0 We have to do better.<\/p>\n<\/body><\/html>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
I don\u2019t know how many of you have followed the rape case in Steubenville, Ohio.\u00a0 The basics of the story are that two high school boys were accused of raping a sixteen year old girl at a party.\u00a0 This morning they were convicted.\u00a0 This is graphic so I\u2019m warning you beforehand. The girl was drunk.\u00a0 […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":81,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[18],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-374","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-islam-2"],"yoast_head":"\n
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