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Salaam Alaikum wa Rahmatullah<\/b><\/span><\/div>\n
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This is a \u201cmature\u201d topic so don\u2019t let the middle schoolers read over your shoulder. \u00a0Or perhaps you should, because this is a cautionary tale.\u00a0<\/b><\/span><\/div>\n
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The status of marriage in this world is troubled, to say the least. Here in the U.S., fifty percent of all first marriages end in divorce. \u00a0Muslims here are running as fast as they can to strengthen this statistic, sad to say. \u00a0There are so many things wrong I don\u2019t know where to begin, but I guess I\u2019ll start with a conversation my husband and I had the other day.<\/b><\/span><\/div>\n
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We live in a suburb of a large metropolitan area. \u00a0There are thousands and thousands of Muslims in the area who hail from just about every corner of the world. \u00a0We have lots of masaajid and many people who consider themselves Imaams and teachers of Islam. \u00a0Yet we also have a problem with rampant serial marriage in our area. \u00a0It is just barely on the halaal side of marriage, leaning dangerously towards clear prostitution. \u00a0Muta\u2019a for Sunnis, as it were.<\/b><\/span><\/div>\n
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Here\u2019s what I\u2019m talking about. \u00a0Let\u2019s say Bob and Sally (both Muslim, but I won\u2019t use \u201ctypical\u201d Muslim names to avoid making anyone think I\u2019m talking about a particular person) are married. \u00a0The marriage does not work out because Bob is a man who likes to beat women, and Sally does her best but can\u2019t get him to stop. \u00a0Now they are divorced due to no fault of hers. \u00a0She is a lovely girl, but now she has a \u201cused\u201d stamp on her forehead and this limits her prospects, which are already limited because the Pakistanis only want a Desi girl and the Palestinians only want a girl from their country, etc., etc. \u00a0So the Imaam of her masjid, thinking for some reason that if he doesn\u2019t immediately marry her off she\u2019ll disappear in a puff of smoke or something, hastily arranges a marriage with a different brother. \u00a0Sally has been taught that marriage is sunnah so she should hasten to remarry rather than \u2013 gasp! \u2013 be on her own in the big bad world.<\/b><\/span><\/div>\n
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Well, what the Imaam failed to learn about this brother is that he smokes and drinks and likes to buy lottery tickets. \u00a0He didn\u2019t look any further into his acceptability as a husband beyond the fact that he prays in the masjid a lot and comes to Friday prayer all the time. \u00a0Oh, and he doesn\u2019t really have a steady job, so Sally decides to do babysitting to make some money. \u00a0Oh, and she\u2019s still \u201clegally\u201d married to abusive husband number one, so this second marriage is done Islamically but not registered.\u00a0<\/b><\/span><\/div>\n
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So, life goes on. \u00a0Over time, Sally realizes that the drunken lout on the sofa is going to stay there for the next few years. \u00a0She tries and tries to be a good wife, coming to him when he desires her, working, feeding him, and then raising the two kids they have. \u00a0He is under the thrall of his first love, alcohol, and he never manages to overcome it, sinking further and further into a dissipated life. \u00a0Eventually, Sally gets up the courage to give him an ultimatum \u2013 shape up or ship out. \u00a0Next day, he\u2019s off the sofa, out at his girlfriend\u2019s house, and she\u2019s abandoned again. \u00a0Being a strong woman who has no more tears to cry, she picks herself up and dedicates herself to raising her children as best she can.<\/b><\/span><\/div>\n
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Years pass, and Sally heals from her difficult past and thinks about marriage again. \u00a0Unfortunately, she\u2019s now saddled with lots of baggage \u2013 two failed marriages, kids, and not being a cute young virgin. \u00a0The proposals she gets are unsatisfactory. \u00a0Be a secret second, or third, or fourth wife. \u00a0Marry but work full time and stay in your house. \u00a0Marry but send the kids to live with their dad. \u00a0Now, Sally has needs and she fears coming close to fornication, so she picks the best of a bad lot and marries Brother Fly By Night, who stops in for a bit of intimacy when his schedule allows but pretty much otherwise leaves her alone. \u00a0The contact temporarily satisfies her physical needs but leaves her empty inside; she walls off her emotions and considers that this is the best she can get. \u00a0He tires of her after a few months, divorces her, and is off to look for the next Mrs. Fly By Night. \u00a0She carries on, single until her\u00a0loneliness\u00a0and desire threaten to overwhelm her, then she starts the whole sad sorry process over again.<\/b><\/span><\/div>\n
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A pattern is being established. \u00a0It becomes known in the community that there is a woman who can be married very easily, and you can \u201ctry her out\u201d and if she doesn\u2019t suit you, no harm no foul. \u00a0Just divorce. \u00a0This world slips off the tongue as if it were of no importance, rather than one of the hardest, harshest words in Islam. \u00a0After a few years, Sally has a string of ex-husbands (all pillars of the community) and is still just as alone as she ever was. \u00a0<\/b><\/span><\/div>\n
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Now, you might think this Sally is a bad woman, a woman who is selling herself, but I tell you the fault does not lie with her. \u00a0It lies with the entire community. \u00a0It lies back in her home country where she grew up believing women were second-class citizens and commodities. \u00a0It lies with her family that married her off to an abusive man and didn\u2019t protect her. \u00a0It lies with the Imaams and other leaders of the community who think a bad marriage is better than no marriage at all. \u00a0It lies with the men who chase skirts and try to put a stamp of Islam on it by having a nikah with little intention of making it a lifelong commitment. \u00a0It lies with good Muslim women who have really good Muslim husbands, but they are so jealous that they won\u2019t allow their husbands to take a second wife to relieve a divorcee or widow from hardship. \u00a0It lies with all of us who allow this cycle to continue. \u00a0By not fearing Allah and following the true Sunnah of Prophet Muhammad, may Allah\u2019s peace and blessings be upon him, we are sliding down the slippery slope to open prostitution as we force women to offer their bodies for a small price. \u00a0<\/b><\/span><\/div>\n
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What can we do? \u00a0Huh, where do I start. \u00a0In this day and age, this is but one small example of our return to jahiliyyah and our lack of Islam. \u00a0I don\u2019t have a simple answer because it is not a simple situation. \u00a0But I can pray to Allah to help my sisters and I can wish for them what I wish for myself. \u00a0We can make damn sure that when a brother presents himself for marriage, the Imaam or another strong brother in the community gives him the third degree, talks to him, does a police background check, drug test, sexually transmitted disease test, whatever is necessary to show that he is sincere and to protect a woman who most times does not have a wali. \u00a0We can make sure the woman is also sincere \u2013 this is a game that can be played by both sides and some women are only out to get as much as they can from a brother before dialing 911 to have him imprisoned or deported. \u00a0We have to, have to<\/i>\u00a0do a better job or we\u2019re going to have fractured communities where women are passed around more than a biker chick at a Hell\u2019s Angels convention. \u00a0Astaghfirullah! \u00a0<\/b><\/span><\/div>\n
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Think about it. \u00a0Think about what is going on in your communities, wherever you are. Stop closing your eyes to abuse and alcoholism and fornication and all the other ills that are going on in society. \u00a0Speak out on the minbar and in the lectures and at tea with the ladies. \u00a0Do something because otherwise we are on a sure path to destruction, one devastated family at a time. \u00a0I ask Allah to give me the strength to help my sisters in Islam, and the brothers too, and to be a good role model and an active participant in my world so I can change someone\u2019s life in a positive way. \u00a0I ask all my brothers and sisters to relieve a burden from someone, be there to listen, help when you can, advise, show compassion, imagine it\u2019s your brother or sister or son or daughter, and don\u2019t just wrap yourself up in your own life and say \u201cevery man for himself\u201d. \u00a0 Yes, the Ummah is in a bad way and yes, it seems like we\u2019re approaching that time when we need to just take our sheep and run away to a field far away, but the time is not yet. \u00a0There are still people we can help. \u00a0May Allah help us.<\/b><\/span><\/div>\n![\"\"](\"https:\/\/blogger.googleusercontent.com\/tracker\/8276196425188955527-6086763529817269031?l=muslimahinprogress.blogspot.com\")
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<\/div>\n<\/body><\/html>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"Bismillahi Rahmani Rahim Salaam Alaikum wa Rahmatullah This is a \u201cmature\u201d topic so don\u2019t let the middle schoolers read over your shoulder. \u00a0Or perhaps you should, because this is a cautionary tale.\u00a0 The status of marriage in this world is troubled, to say the least. Here in the U.S., fifty percent of all first marriages […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":81,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[1],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-43","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-uncategorized"],"yoast_head":"\n