{"id":69,"date":"2010-09-29T10:56:00","date_gmt":"2010-09-29T10:56:00","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/muslimahinprogress\/2010\/09\/29\/you-arent-evil-youre-weak-part-deux\/"},"modified":"2010-09-29T10:56:00","modified_gmt":"2010-09-29T10:56:00","slug":"you-arent-evil-youre-weak-part-deux","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/muslimahinprogress\/2010\/09\/you-arent-evil-youre-weak-part-deux.html","title":{"rendered":"You Aren’t Evil, You’re Weak (part deux)…."},"content":{"rendered":"\n<\/head>

Bismillahi Rahmani Rahim<\/i><\/b>

<\/i><\/b>
Salaam Alaikum wa Rahmatullah<\/i>

<\/i>
Yesterday I wrote a rather, uh, forceful post about marriage and how sometimes the men are not doing their part to make an Islamic home. \u00a0Well, I \u00a0don\u2019t want to be accused of man-bashing, because that is certainly not my intent. \u00a0We women are just as flawed as our brothers, so sometimes we need a good kick in the pants as well. \u00a0I\u2019ll be happy to oblige (and I\u2019ll be kicking \u00a0myself as well, don\u2019t worry).<\/p>\n

Okay, first and foremost, a disclaimer: \u00a0I LOVE my computer, love writing, and would happily sit in front of this monitor for hours and do nothing but write. \u00a0Okay, sometimes I DO sit happily in front of this monitor and do nothing but write. \u00a0So, don\u2019t think I\u2019m a hypocrite, but I know due to my weakness at getting up and away from the computer that many of us women have a weakness at getting up and away from the computer. \u00a0There, I said it! \u00a0This computer can be great. \u00a0It can be a way to keep in touch with distant family and friends; it can be a source of inspiration and education as we take advantage of the many Islamic websites; it can be a source of bonding with our kids as we show them educational games online and teach them \u00a0how to play. \u00a0That\u2019s all warm and fuzzy and nice. \u00a0But the other side is this:<\/i>\u00a0It can be a huge source of fitnah and a monstrous waste of time, a source of jealousy for the husband and a cause for your marriage to end. \u00a0Just like fire, it can be good or bad. <\/p>\n

Let\u2019s start with games. \u00a0Farmville, Mafia Wars, Petville, Fishville, and on and on. \u00a0What are these games but huge, gigantic time wasters? \u00a0How much time do you spend on these games (and here I say you because I refuse to play them and have blocked the apps completely) when you could be doing something in the real world? \u00a0Even if you live in an apartment, you can grow real <\/i>food by nurturing some herbs in a pot on a sunny windowsill. \u00a0If you have a yard you can plant a few tomatoes (which we did, feeding not ourselves but the neighborhood squirrels; they left the peppers for us, though). \u00a0You can plant something real in real <\/i>dirt and get your kids involved, too. \u00a0Mafia Wars? \u00a0Well, I won\u2019t advocate going out and whacking someone, but you can play a lively game of shoot-em-up bang-bang with the little ones and get exercise too.<\/p>\n

Yes, I\u2019m telling you to GET OFF THE COMPUTER<\/i>. \u00a0We use it as a social tool, which is great, but when it becomes a substitute for real-life connections, it\u2019s a crutch and an addiction. \u00a0I have to be the first to admit that I have used it in this way. \u00a0With a passel of kids and a car not big enough to fit all of them, going out anywhere is an impossible logistical challenge right now. \u00a0The internet is my window on the world, and I\u2019ve climbed through it and sometimes have not wanted to climb out. <\/p>\n

But I am changing that. \u00a0I have neighbors, moms with kids, right around the corner. \u00a0I am trying to come out of my shell and talk to them more. \u00a0Just last night, at a school function for my son, I asked him to introduce me to the mom of one of his friends who comes over to play a lot. \u00a0He led me to a wheelchair-bound woman and her husband. \u00a0Wow, talk about a wakeup call! \u00a0Someone just a few blocks away, someone whose son comes into my house, and I didn\u2019t know she was in this situation. \u00a0I reached out to her by telling her she can send her kids my way anytime, that I would be happy to get anything she needs from the store when I go, because she has to go into a nursing home now due to the injuries that left her unable to walk well. \u00a0You could see in their eyes that they were happy to connect. \u00a0I promise myself that I will keep tabs on her and make time to visit somehow, and watch her kids now that her husband will be effectively single-parenting them. \u00a0I would not have been able to make this connection if I had been plopped on my butt in front of the computer.<\/p>\n

Now, I\u2019m going to do something strange. \u00a0I\u2019m going to tell you to GET ON THE COMPUTER. \u00a0<\/i>\u00a0But get on it for the right reason. \u00a0You need to listen to a lecture; turn up the volume and do it while you are cooking. \u00a0You need to learn more Qur\u2019an \u2013 You can\u2019t chastise your husband for only knowing a few surahs if you know even fewer. \u00a0And if you\u2019re not an Arabic speaker, that\u2019s no excuse. \u00a0There are lots and lots of websites for learning Qur\u2019an and the only excuse for not memorizing is that you\u2019re not trying. \u00a0One verse a day. You can do one verse a day. \u00a0I know you know every theme song to every cartoon your kid watches. \u00a0I know you know the theme song to \u201cPsych\u201d and you can quote the opening to the Law & Order shows. \u00a0YOU CAN MEMORIZE QUR\u2019AN. \u00a0So go do it already. \u00a0I promise to start working on surah Yasin again. \u00a0You can go look at my pictures on Facebook to see my (halting) progress. \u00a0I\u2019m no whiz at it, but when I get into it I do okay. <\/p>\n

Okay, now get off the computer again. \u00a0Go clean. \u00a0I am so <\/i>\u00a0not into housework. \u00a0I hate it. \u00a0But it has to be done. \u00a0If you are working or not working, unless you have a cleaning lady, you have housework to do. \u00a0Dishes in the sink. \u00a0Walls with jelly handprints. \u00a0Dust bunnies under the bed. \u00a0Ring around the bathtub. \u00a0And that\u2019s just in MY house. \u00a0If you take it a bit at a time, break it down into small, doable tasks, you can keep on top of it. \u00a0My house will never be white-glove presentable, but I am working at keeping it in better order and doing something every day. \u00a0Yesterday I touched up the bathrooms, vacuumed my room, put lamps in my room with nice shades to make the room look nice, and directed the kids in cleaning up their toys. \u00a0I even cleaned the little oscillating fan in our room that had developed a nice overlay of dust. \u00a0Did I spend hours on my knees, scrubbing with a toothbrush? \u00a0No. \u00a0But I did accomplish something.<\/p>\n

I won\u2019t tell you how to do every task every day. \u00a0I don\u2019t know your particular situation. \u00a0A lot of you work and then have to come home and work all over again. \u00a0I know most of my sisters are not there sitting on the sofa watching Oprah and eating bon bons. \u00a0But I know a lot of us could be doing more. \u00a0I start with me, trust me. \u00a0As soon as I\u2019m done here I\u2019m getting off the computer and getting busy. \u00a0I gave myself \u201cplay time\u201d because this is the time of day when the baby is napping or quiet so I can have uniterrupted time to write. \u00a0It\u2019s something I do for myself and I\u2019m not giving it up for anyone. \u00a0But now, instead of staying <\/i>at the computer and going on to Second Life or posting numerous status updates, I\u2019m going to get off the computer and go do something that does not involve eating or watching TV (except I haven\u2019t had breakfast yet so I\u2019ll have some cereal).<\/p>\n

There will be a part two to this later, the part that deals with not just you but your other half. \u00a0But for now, the baby \u00a0needs me and my house needs me, and later my husband will be home and I want to have the house in good repair for him. \u00a0Because while I\u2019m here, enjoying the comfort of my home, he\u2019s out trying to make a buck working harder than just about any man I know, and it would be a shame for me to sit here and take advantage of that and not do my part.<\/p>\n

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Bismillahi Rahmani RahimSalaam Alaikum wa RahmatullahYesterday I wrote a rather, uh, forceful post about marriage and how sometimes the men are not doing their part to make an Islamic home. \u00a0Well, I \u00a0don\u2019t want to be accused of man-bashing, because that is certainly not my intent. \u00a0We women are just as flawed as our brothers, […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":81,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[1],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-69","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-uncategorized"],"yoast_head":"\nYou Aren't Evil, You're Weak (part deux)....<\/title>\n<meta name=\"description\" content=\"Bismillahi Rahmani RahimSalaam Alaikum wa RahmatullahYesterday I wrote a rather, uh, forceful post about marriage and how sometimes the men are not doing\" \/>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" href=\"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/muslimahinprogress\/2010\/09\/you-arent-evil-youre-weak-part-deux.html\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"en_US\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"You Aren't Evil, You're Weak (part deux)....\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:description\" content=\"Bismillahi Rahmani RahimSalaam Alaikum wa RahmatullahYesterday I wrote a rather, uh, forceful post about marriage and how sometimes the men are not doing\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:url\" content=\"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/muslimahinprogress\/2010\/09\/you-arent-evil-youre-weak-part-deux.html\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:site_name\" content=\"Muslimah in Progress\" \/>\n<meta property=\"article:published_time\" content=\"2010-09-29T10:56:00+00:00\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:image\" content=\"https:\/\/blogger.googleusercontent.com\/tracker\/8276196425188955527-1682833311636146285?l=muslimahinprogress.blogspot.com\" \/>\n<meta name=\"author\" content=\"Nancy Qualls-Shehata\" \/>\n<meta name=\"twitter:card\" content=\"summary_large_image\" \/>\n<meta name=\"twitter:label1\" content=\"Written by\" \/>\n\t<meta name=\"twitter:data1\" content=\"Nancy Qualls-Shehata\" \/>\n\t<meta name=\"twitter:label2\" content=\"Est. reading time\" \/>\n\t<meta name=\"twitter:data2\" content=\"7 minutes\" \/>\n<script type=\"application\/ld+json\" class=\"yoast-schema-graph\">{\"@context\":\"https:\/\/schema.org\",\"@graph\":[{\"@type\":\"WebPage\",\"@id\":\"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/muslimahinprogress\/2010\/09\/you-arent-evil-youre-weak-part-deux.html\",\"url\":\"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/muslimahinprogress\/2010\/09\/you-arent-evil-youre-weak-part-deux.html\",\"name\":\"You Aren't Evil, You're Weak (part deux)....\",\"isPartOf\":{\"@id\":\"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/muslimahinprogress\/#website\"},\"datePublished\":\"2010-09-29T10:56:00+00:00\",\"dateModified\":\"2010-09-29T10:56:00+00:00\",\"author\":{\"@id\":\"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/muslimahinprogress\/#\/schema\/person\/6218cbef696f8f6c933831dfcc2096b9\"},\"description\":\"Bismillahi Rahmani RahimSalaam Alaikum wa RahmatullahYesterday I wrote a rather, uh, forceful post about marriage and how sometimes the men are not doing\",\"breadcrumb\":{\"@id\":\"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/muslimahinprogress\/2010\/09\/you-arent-evil-youre-weak-part-deux.html#breadcrumb\"},\"inLanguage\":\"en-US\",\"potentialAction\":[{\"@type\":\"ReadAction\",\"target\":[\"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/muslimahinprogress\/2010\/09\/you-arent-evil-youre-weak-part-deux.html\"]}]},{\"@type\":\"BreadcrumbList\",\"@id\":\"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/muslimahinprogress\/2010\/09\/you-arent-evil-youre-weak-part-deux.html#breadcrumb\",\"itemListElement\":[{\"@type\":\"ListItem\",\"position\":1,\"name\":\"Home\",\"item\":\"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/muslimahinprogress\"},{\"@type\":\"ListItem\",\"position\":2,\"name\":\"You Aren’t Evil, You’re Weak (part deux)….\"}]},{\"@type\":\"WebSite\",\"@id\":\"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/muslimahinprogress\/#website\",\"url\":\"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/muslimahinprogress\/\",\"name\":\"Muslimah in Progress\",\"description\":\"I'm an American Muslimah of a certain age with some pretty strong opinions. 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