{"id":70,"date":"2010-09-28T15:56:00","date_gmt":"2010-09-28T15:56:00","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/muslimahinprogress\/2010\/09\/28\/you-arent-evil-youre-weak\/"},"modified":"2010-09-28T15:56:00","modified_gmt":"2010-09-28T15:56:00","slug":"you-arent-evil-youre-weak","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/muslimahinprogress\/2010\/09\/you-arent-evil-youre-weak.html","title":{"rendered":"You Aren’t Evil, You’re Weak…"},"content":{"rendered":"\n<\/head>
Bismillahi Rahmani Rahim<\/i><\/b><\/div>\n

<\/i><\/b><\/div>\n
Salaam Alaikum wa Rahmatullah<\/i><\/div>\n

<\/i><\/div>\n
I am getting soooo tired of reading blogs, status updates, and e-mails from women complaining about their husbands. \u00a0It makes me so sad to see families split up when there are children involved. \u00a0I could write a long post about how to not marry an idiot (that goes for men and <\/i>women), but there are so many couples out there who already got married and are on the brink of divorce, or who are separated, so let me say a word about the already married folks.<\/div>\n
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First, the guys: \u00a0You are supposed to be the Khalifah of your household. \u00a0YOU are supposed to be the one holding down the job. \u00a0YOU are supposed to be the one paying the rent, making sure there is money for groceries, making sure there is money for the kids\u2019 clothing and your wife\u2019s clothing and the electric bill. \u00a0It is YOUR\u00a0responsibility\u00a0in the sight of Allah; anything your wife does to contribute to the family income is considered a sadaqah and is not required. \u00a0If she wants to take her <\/i>paycheck and spend it on gifts for her mom, or a nice abaya for herself, it\u2019s none of your beeswax. \u00a0Don\u2019t try to guilt her into thinking she has to pay the mortgage, too.<\/div>\n
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YOU are supposed to be the leader in regards to Islam. \u00a0Pray as many fard<\/i> prayers in the masjid as you can, but pray \u00a0your sunnah <\/i>\u00a0prayers at home so you can lead your family. \u00a0And when you are home and you pray, don\u2019t just quietly go make ablution and pray without telling anyone; announce to the whole family that you all <\/i>are going to pray now. \u00a0Dad, mom, the kids, too. \u00a0Yes, mom can get the heck of Facebook and junior can get his head out of the book or put down the Xbox controller. \u00a0EVERYONE can pray behind you. \u00a0It doesn\u2019t matter if all you know is \u201cqul huwallahu ahad\u201d. \u00a0They\u2019ll stand behind you and respect you for your leadership.<\/div>\n
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If you are an Arabic speaker, for God\u2019s sake <\/i>man, speak Arabic! \u00a0If your wife is not an Arabic speaker, how the heck do you think the kids are going to learn? \u00a0Of\u00a0course <\/i>they won\u2019t understand you at first; they don\u2019t understand anyone when they are babies. \u00a0But start now or the kid may never speak Arabic or be way behind in learning later on.<\/div>\n
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I know many brothers work long hours and work very hard, and you are tired when you get home. \u00a0But that is not <\/i>an excuse to strip down to your jockey shorts and veg out in front of the TV for three hours. \u00a0Need to be refreshed after a long day at work? \u00a0Watching the Law & Order marathon is not a halaal Islamic way of doing that. \u00a0How about you come home, strip down (don\u2019t worry, your wife is used to picking up your clothes, no biggie), take a nice shower, eat dinner, then make sure the TV is off <\/i>\u00a0and refresh yourself by tuning in to your family. \u00a0Look at your kids, really look <\/i>at them. \u00a0See how big your son is getting? \u00a0See how your younger child\u2019s tooth is growing in? \u00a0Can you believe how beautiful your kids are, and did you say mashAllah? \u00a0Listen to your son when he tells you what he did at school, even if you could care less how many silly bands he traded for. \u00a0Let your child tell you a string of really bad jokes and laugh at them. \u00a0Don\u2019t make the only comments to your children be \u201cget out from in front of the TV!\u201d.<\/div>\n
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YOU are supposed to be a leader in getting your family involved in the Muslim community. \u00a0If you live in a non-Muslim country, that means you have to be very vigilant about making sure your wife can network with ladies in town and that your kids can play with other Muslim children. \u00a0Make sure she has access to the car or that you can take her to sister get-togethers and classes or lectures at the masjid; make playdates for your children with other Muslim families. \u00a0This might be something your wife is is really good at, or she might feel isolated and alone because you always have the car or you don\u2019t \u201cfeel like\u201d going to dinner at so-and-so\u2019s house or you don\u2019t like the Muslims here because they\u2019re not from \u00a0your country or culture. \u00a0Get over it. \u00a0<\/div>\n
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YOU are the leader; \u00a0you set the tone. \u00a0You have to at least be doing the basics: \u00a0pray, give zakah, read Qur\u2019an, follow your children\u2019s progress, be nice to your wife. \u00a0I see so many brothers not even doing one of these things. \u00a0How can you expect to have a happy wife when you are neglecting every single aspect of your deen? \u00a0Wake up or you are going to lose her and lose your kids. \u00a0Either you\u2019ll stay married but she will mentally divorce you and drift away emotionally, and your kids will grow up to love the dunya and forget who you are, or she\u2019ll divorce you completely and you\u2019ll only see the kids once in a while or even never, astaghfirullah. \u00a0<\/div>\n
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I could say more, and probably will. \u00a0Don\u2019t think I\u2019m letting YOU off the hook, ladies. \u00a0I just have to go because my baby woke up and my kids are home from school. \u00a0I\u2019m an equal-opportunity chastiser :).<\/div>\n
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Bismillahi Rahmani Rahim Salaam Alaikum wa Rahmatullah I am getting soooo tired of reading blogs, status updates, and e-mails from women complaining about their husbands. \u00a0It makes me so sad to see families split up when there are children involved. \u00a0I could write a long post about how to not marry an idiot (that goes […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":81,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[1],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-70","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-uncategorized"],"yoast_head":"\nYou Aren't Evil, You're Weak...<\/title>\n<meta name=\"description\" content=\"Bismillahi Rahmani RahimSalaam Alaikum wa RahmatullahI am getting soooo tired of reading blogs, status updates, and e-mails from women complaining about\" \/>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" href=\"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/muslimahinprogress\/2010\/09\/you-arent-evil-youre-weak.html\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"en_US\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"You Aren't Evil, You're Weak...\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:description\" content=\"Bismillahi Rahmani RahimSalaam Alaikum wa RahmatullahI am getting soooo tired of reading blogs, status updates, and e-mails from women complaining about\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:url\" content=\"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/muslimahinprogress\/2010\/09\/you-arent-evil-youre-weak.html\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:site_name\" content=\"Muslimah in Progress\" \/>\n<meta property=\"article:published_time\" content=\"2010-09-28T15:56:00+00:00\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:image\" content=\"https:\/\/blogger.googleusercontent.com\/tracker\/8276196425188955527-7730461822504063721?l=muslimahinprogress.blogspot.com\" \/>\n<meta name=\"author\" content=\"Nancy Qualls-Shehata\" \/>\n<meta name=\"twitter:card\" content=\"summary_large_image\" \/>\n<meta name=\"twitter:label1\" content=\"Written by\" \/>\n\t<meta name=\"twitter:data1\" content=\"Nancy Qualls-Shehata\" \/>\n\t<meta name=\"twitter:label2\" content=\"Est. reading time\" \/>\n\t<meta name=\"twitter:data2\" content=\"5 minutes\" \/>\n<script type=\"application\/ld+json\" class=\"yoast-schema-graph\">{\"@context\":\"https:\/\/schema.org\",\"@graph\":[{\"@type\":\"WebPage\",\"@id\":\"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/muslimahinprogress\/2010\/09\/you-arent-evil-youre-weak.html\",\"url\":\"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/muslimahinprogress\/2010\/09\/you-arent-evil-youre-weak.html\",\"name\":\"You Aren't Evil, You're Weak...\",\"isPartOf\":{\"@id\":\"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/muslimahinprogress\/#website\"},\"datePublished\":\"2010-09-28T15:56:00+00:00\",\"dateModified\":\"2010-09-28T15:56:00+00:00\",\"author\":{\"@id\":\"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/muslimahinprogress\/#\/schema\/person\/6218cbef696f8f6c933831dfcc2096b9\"},\"description\":\"Bismillahi Rahmani RahimSalaam Alaikum wa RahmatullahI am getting soooo tired of reading blogs, status updates, and e-mails from women complaining about\",\"breadcrumb\":{\"@id\":\"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/muslimahinprogress\/2010\/09\/you-arent-evil-youre-weak.html#breadcrumb\"},\"inLanguage\":\"en-US\",\"potentialAction\":[{\"@type\":\"ReadAction\",\"target\":[\"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/muslimahinprogress\/2010\/09\/you-arent-evil-youre-weak.html\"]}]},{\"@type\":\"BreadcrumbList\",\"@id\":\"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/muslimahinprogress\/2010\/09\/you-arent-evil-youre-weak.html#breadcrumb\",\"itemListElement\":[{\"@type\":\"ListItem\",\"position\":1,\"name\":\"Home\",\"item\":\"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/muslimahinprogress\"},{\"@type\":\"ListItem\",\"position\":2,\"name\":\"You Aren’t Evil, You’re Weak…\"}]},{\"@type\":\"WebSite\",\"@id\":\"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/muslimahinprogress\/#website\",\"url\":\"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/muslimahinprogress\/\",\"name\":\"Muslimah in Progress\",\"description\":\"I'm an American Muslimah of a certain age with some pretty strong opinions. 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