Yesterday I had a conversation with a friend that reminded me about something that happened in the early part of the summer.\u00a0 We were talking about how when your child is involved in an activity that requires you to be a spectator with all the other parents, even though you see all these parents many days a week, most weeks of the year, and for many years on end, if you are introverted\u2026it is difficult to be around them.\u00a0 I often find myself alone in a crowd when I don\u2019t see a familiar face, and sometimes even when I do, especially if that familiar face is male.<\/p>\n
Earlier this summer, our Imam asked Khaled if I was happy.\u00a0 He said, \u201cWhenever I see her, she isn\u2019t smiling and she always is looking at the ground.\u201d His wife had mentioned that no one talks to me at the Masjid.\u00a0 He was concerned that I was unhappy.\u00a0 They were concerned about me.\u00a0 I was surprised.\u00a0 Until earlier this year, I didn\u2019t know the Imam even knew who I was.\u00a0 The women\u2019s entrance is on the other side of the building, and when we go inside for Jummah we never see any of the men.\u00a0 I had never been introduced to him.\u00a0 How could he know who I was?<\/p>\n
No, no one usually talks to me at this particular Masjid.\u00a0 Often, I don\u2019t speak to anyone other than my daughters and my son when we meet back at the car.\u00a0 Of the three that we have in town, it is the smallest and the newest.\u00a0 At the big Masjid across town, there are soo many people in the congregation,\u00a0you are easily unnoticed.\u00a0 I know the Imam there because he is extremely focused on interfaith dialogue, and makes sure to introduce himself to everyone, he is approachable.\u00a0 He is very friendly, and goes out of his way to say hello to you.\u00a0 At the Musullah where the girls go to school, I\u2019ve never been introduced to the Imam, but I know his daughters, and I say salaam to him every morning.\u00a0 I don\u2019t know if he knows who I am.<\/p>\n
It is a quandary then on Fridays during school holidays. If we go to the school, I will see JJ and most often Auntie Faye; we will see a lot of the girls\u2019 friends and often their mothers, who sometimes will say hello.\u00a0 But the Khutba is not often something that I really can get something out of.\u00a0 A lot of time it is focused on the world community of Muslims, and how we need to think not of ourselves, but of the people in other countries, and strive to do better, to be better because even while they are being oppressed, they are better Muslims than we are.\u00a0 You should be thankful that you are here, not being slaughtered in the streets, now give up your whole life and sit and read Quran.\u00a0 Read Quran, and make Salat.\u00a0 These are the only two important things you do every day.<\/p>\n
Sigh.\u00a0 This is not useful to me.\u00a0 I don\u2019t pray this way.\u00a0 I cannot read Arabic.\u00a0 Yes, when I\u2019ve gone to halaka and Auntie Fay has taught us about certain Surahs they somehow find their way into my life, but unless I have someone to sit and tell me the stories\u2026<\/p>\n
So, we go to the new Masjid, where I know no one.\u00a0 We go into the entrance on the side of the building; the women\u2019s room is secluded.\u00a0 The Imam here speaks about topics that are applicable to our lives; how to help your children be good Muslims, how to have a good relationship with your parents, how to treat your spouse.\u00a0 We leave directly after the prayer, and I meet Mr. Fox back at the car. I might have said Salaams to one or two people.<\/p>\n
When Khaled told me about this conversation, I was shocked.\u00a0 Then I laughed, and I explained.\u00a0 I was never introduced to the Imam.\u00a0 I have no idea if he knows who I am.\u00a0 In my life with Khaled, the idea that we should not speak to men outside of our family has been so ingrained in our way of life, that for me, it also applies to the Imam.\u00a0 When I bring the children to Quran Class, I say Salaams to him, but I never look at his face for more than a glance.\u00a0 Then I look back at the floor.\u00a0 Why? Because, I don\u2019t want to offend him.\u00a0 I don\u2019t want to be that wife who is disrespectful because she doesn\u2019t know what is appropriate.\u00a0 I don\u2019t want to be an embarrassment to my family because I am an outsider.<\/p>\n
Over Ramadan, we had the Imam and his family over to the house for Iftar.\u00a0 Now, I know he knows who I am.\u00a0 I know he can speak fairly good English, enough for me to know that he could have a conversation with me.\u00a0 But even in my home, I found I could not look him in the eye for more than a glance.\u00a0 I felt I could not speak directly to him.\u00a0 I wanted to be the gracious hostess but I could not.\u00a0 I was afraid I would mess up and do something to offend him and embarrass Khaled.<\/p>\n
The Imam\u2019s wife is such a nice lady.\u00a0 She reminds me so much of Naena somehow, but in a big sister kind of way. When I see her, there are big hugs, and kisses, and sincere salaams.\u00a0 I know that she has made it her mission to make sure I feel welcome wherever we see each other.\u00a0 Really!\u00a0 She makes a point to say hello to me, and now I\u2019ve found I do the same.\u00a0 I look for her, and I say hello.\u00a0 I would like to be able to talk with her and someday have a full conversation.\u00a0 Maybe someday I will be able to ask her about this problem.\u00a0 Maybe not.\u00a0 Maybe someday I will meet an Imam that I can speak with.\u00a0 Maybe not.<\/p>\n
Khaled explained to the Imam that I\u2019m used to no one speaking to me, and that if no one bothers my children it is not unusual for me to not say anything to anyone.\u00a0 It doesn\u2019t mean I\u2019m unhappy.\u00a0 It doesn\u2019t mean that I don\u2019t want to be where I am. \u00a0This is just the way it is. \u00a0But just because I\u2019m used to it, just because this is the way it always is,\u00a0doesn\u2019t\u00a0mean it is any less lonely.<\/p>\n<\/body><\/html>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
Yesterday I had a conversation with a friend that reminded me about something that happened in the early part of the summer.\u00a0 We were talking about how when your child is involved in an activity that requires you to be a spectator with all the other parents, even though you see all these parents many […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2860,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[3,4,6],"tags":[31,59,60,138,140,159,162,179,219],"class_list":["post-912","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-blog-posts","category-in-the-house","category-personal","tag-american-muslim","tag-conversation","tag-convert","tag-interfaith","tag-islam","tag-mahram","tag-masjid","tag-muslimah","tag-revert"],"yoast_head":"\n