should<\/em> happen: Someone should be able to achieve something or act in a particular way, or circumstances should unfold in a particular way. This second kind of expectation is what we\u2019re referring to when we say we have high expectations for someone, or for the world. It\u2019s usually meant to be a compliment.<\/p>\nFor example, I cherish an expectation that people will be responsible for their crap and reasonably considerate of others.<\/p>\n
The thing is, high expectations for people or for \u201cthe world\u201d cause us great distress. (By \u201cthe world\u201d I just mean the various circumstances unfolding around us, from the personal to the global scale). When our expectations are disappointed \u2013 which they inevitably will be \u2013 we suffer.<\/p>\n
To continue with my example, the other day I was cleaning out my basement storage unit in preparation for moving. I live in a apartment-style condo building, and some of my neighbors had taken advantage of the fact that my storage area was empty and unlocked. It was filled with various kinds of debris \u2013 old chunks of plaster, huge empty cardboard boxes, a big bag of trash, you get the picture. Had it it just not occurred to people that someone else would have to clean up their mess? Or were they perfectly aware of it, leaving behind their debris while feeling vaguely triumphant? In either case, the situation was clearly opposed to my expectation that people will be responsible for their\u00a0crap and reasonably considerate of others.<\/p>\n
As I carried other people\u2019s stuff out to the garbage and recycling, I was pissed off. I stomped and slammed things. The recycle bins resisted accepting the huge cardboard boxes even after I had broken them down, and in the process of shoving things into the bin the lid fell down on my arm and left a bruise. I cursed.<\/p>\n
The funny thing was, earlier in the day I had been writing the first version of this blog post, all about how wise it is to have no (versus low \u2013 more on that later) expectations for the world. I wrote about how joyful and liberating it can be to approach life without preconceptions and expectations. I was thinking about how it helps to drop any and all expectations about the The World \u2013 that is, the Big World of politics, economics, injustice, global warming, that kind of thing.<\/p>\n
Of course, the same joy and liberation was possible in the midst of my fury over having to deal with other people\u2019s trash, if only I dropped my expectation about how people should be. But dammit \u2013 people\u00a0should<\/em>\u00a0be responsible for their\u00a0crap and reasonably considerate of others! It\u2019s just a fact.<\/p>\nFrom the Zen point of view, my distress was completely unnecessary. I was causing my own suffering by resisting reality-just-as-it-is. Was it really causing me suffering to spend 30 minutes cleaning up after\u00a0unmindful or inconsiderate people? All it involved was carrying stuff about 300 yards, outside to the trash cans. The actual work and time was no big deal at all. What made it painful and infuriating was my own resistance to the situation.<\/p>\n
Is\u00a0is<\/em> possible, with practice, to simply drop your expectations (or any other kinds of concepts or thoughts, for that matter). It can take a while to learn how, but through mindfulness and meditation you can discover the way you hold on to certain mental phenomena, sustaining and protecting them. A choice can open up when you realize one of your ideas or expectations is causing suffering; you can let it go. You usually pick it back up again, out of habit, but then you keep letting go.<\/p>\nThe biggest challenge to letting go of our expectations is usually not finding out\u00a0how<\/em>, but working on our willingness to do it. Frankly, it seems pretty crazy. In my storage unit example, I unconsciously assumed that\u00a0letting go of my expectation about people being considerate\u00a0would be equivalent to\u00a0letting them be inconsiderate and walk all over me.<\/em> At some level I was convinced that my expectation was keeping the world at bay. It didn\u2019t necessarily give me the results I want, but it functioned like a levee to keep a flood of selfishness and irresponsibility from sweeping through my world.<\/p>\nThe sad thing is, we stress ourselves out because we think our minds are keeping the world under control, but they\u2019re not. This is the essence of Zen teaching. We superimpose a conceptual layer over everything and mistake it for reality. But reality doesn\u2019t need our mind, except as a dance partner. Without our conceptual overlay, we meet reality directly and our best, most sincere, most skillful response arises. We think it\u2019s necessary to decide something is good, or bad, or irrelevant and\u00a0then<\/em> deal with it. But it\u2019s not. In a this-moment dance with reality we\u2019ll know what to do. Maybe we\u2019ll take a stand and point out an injustice with a loud, strong voice. Maybe we\u2019ll shrug. Maybe we\u2019ll laugh.<\/p>\nOh \u2013 but it can be so hard! I don\u2019t want to drop my expectation that out of compassion and respect, people will refrain from killing, oppressing, and raping one another. I don\u2019t want to drop my expectation that people will wake up to their interdependence with all living things and stop decimating our planet.<\/p>\n
But when I\u00a0do<\/em> manage to let go of these expectations? The perceived responsibility for holding the evil in the world at bay with my mind drops away. I stop interpreting every event in terms of how it fits with my expectations. Any manifestation of kindness, wisdom, and progress become amazing phenomena I have no right to expect, rather than pathetic drops in the bucket compared to my ideals. The World in its ambiguous majesty reveals itself before my eyes.<\/p>\nI\u00a0hope<\/em>\u00a0human beings will get it together before we make our planet uninhabitable for most of the beautiful species living on it. It doesn\u2019t hurt to want something, or even to long for it or work tirelessly for it. Hope depends on our heart, not on our mind. We don\u2019t know if our hopes will be fulfilled.<\/p>\nWhich brings me to the incredibly important difference between\u00a0no<\/em> expectations and\u00a0low<\/em> expectations. Low expectations are still expectations. They still come between us and reality, and they also make us bitter and sad every time we perceive they have been fulfilled yet again. It\u2019s the people with low expectations for the world who pronounce, in dead tones, statements like, \u201cOh well, there have been extinctions before. Human beings are just on a path of self-destruction.\u201d These kind of statements can make it sound like people with low expectations are liberated from the worries the rest of us have, but underneath such comments is either great suffering or great denial.<\/p>\nNow, what would it have looked and felt like if\u00a0I had\u00a0dropped my expectation about people being thoughtful and considerate as I was cleaning out my storage unit? Of course, sometimes people are oblivious, irresponsible, lazy, selfish, and disrespectful. I think a direct dance with reality would have started with acknowledging and accepting that. Then, I guess, I would have sighed and tried go about\u00a0my work somewhat cheerfully, thinking of it as service to the immature people of the world.<\/p>\n
Of which, of course, I am one.<\/p>\n
\u00a0<\/p>\n<\/body><\/html>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
There are two kinds of expectations. One is a\u00a0belief that something is likely to happen. The other is belief that\u00a0something\u00a0should happen: Someone should be able to achieve something or act in a particular way, or circumstances should unfold in a particular way. This second kind of expectation is what we\u2019re referring to when we say […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2173,"featured_media":879,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[3],"tags":[10,17,32,40,48,53,65],"class_list":["post-876","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-helpful-zen-teachings-and-practices","tag-acceptance","tag-climate-change","tag-good-and-evil","tag-ideals","tag-not-knowing","tag-perspective","tag-zen"],"yoast_head":"\n
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<\/a>There are two kinds of expectations. One is a\u00a0belief that something is likely to happen. The other is belief that\u00a0something\u00a0should<\/em> happen: Someone should be able to achieve something or act in a particular way, or circumstances should unfold in a particular way. This second kind of expectation is what we\u2019re referring to when we say we have high expectations for someone, or for the world. It\u2019s usually meant to be a compliment.<\/p>\n