Quoting Quiverfull: Giving?

Quoting Quiverfull: Giving? December 19, 2012

QUOTING QUIVERFULL is a regular feature of NLQ – we present the actual words of noted Quiverfull leaders and ask our readers: What do you think? Agree? Disagree? This is the place to state your opinion. Please, let’s keep it respectful – but at the same time, we encourage readers to examine the ideas of Quiverfull honestly and thoughtfully.

Debi Pearl  in “Created To Be His Helpmeet”  chapter 16

Give your husband sex whenever he wants it, even if it hurts you; menopause is no excuse

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NLQ Recommended Reading …

Breaking Their Will: Shedding Light on Religious Child Maltreatment‘ by Janet Heimlich

Quivering Daughters‘ by Hillary McFarland

Quiverfull: Inside the Christian Patriarchy Movement‘ by Kathryn Joyce


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  • Anonymous

    I tried this for a while, figuring this was the solution for the huge disparity in our sex drives. I apparently wasn’t doing it right – he found that me not really being into it was a turnoff, me crying was a bigger turnoff, and him realizing that the whole arrangement kind of worked out to rape was the biggest turnoff of all.

    I suppose I just needed to learn to cry more quietly, Debi?

  • Annoyed by Debi

    As someone who has struggled with pain in this area (not from menopause, but other reasons) I can tell you that my husband would laugh in Debi’s face at the simplicity of her suggestion.

    Like the previous commenter, I concur that husbands don’t enjoy sex if they know their wife isn’t enjoying it. Perhaps Michael Pearl does, in which case I worry for him.

    My husband and I have struggled with this for a long time. Our solution was not to simply have me grit my teeth and get through it. Our solution was to work through the problem, with a doctor, and with lots of understanding between us. Were there times where I decided to be selfless in this area? Sure. But not because I had a Debi complex that I “owed” my husband whatever he wanted just because he was male. I made the decision because I loved him. Likewise, there were times where he made sacrifices for me. Because he’s an adult, and not a five-year-old who throws tantrums and gets his way. (He also doesn’t make a habit of bursting garbage bags and expecting me to clean it up, though, so we’ve already broken the Pearl pattern for marriage long ago).

  • You’d have to be a pretty good actress to hide any signs of pain during sex in order to appear “into it” for your husband’s enjoyment. In which case, your marriage would be quite dishonest. Does Debi Pearl generally support dishonesty in a marriage?

    And if you’re not a great actress, where pain is clearly visible, and your husband still demands and enjoys sex from you, that’s a sign of abusive traits in a man. It’s not love. And it’s certainly not loving the wife like Christ loves the church.

  • Yes. Simply put, my husband has told me he doesn’t want sex if I don’t want it. That’s what a healthy marriage is about. This doesn’t mean (if I’m feeling up to it) I don’t sometimes get myself into the mood just because I know he wants it– but I agree that if I tried to fake it, he’d be turned off. And vice versa.

  • thalwen

    Making your partner have sex knowing it’s causing them pain is sickening. She seems to think that men only have sex to fill a physical need and the wife is there to provide them with a means, far different than what should be a mutual loving activity.
    Debi Pearl does support a lot of dishonesty, manipulation, trickery on the part of the wife. The site Love, Joy, Feminism has reviewed some chapters from her book and her message seems to be – don’t ever complain, or discuss problems in your relationship with your husband, instead find sneaky ways to get what you want without him realising it. It’s a pretty twisted view of both men and women and marriage in general in my opinion.

  • Everything I ever read by those two convinces me Michael Pearl is a very evil man and his wife is encouraging, aiding and abetting a criminal.

  • Bill S

    I never heard of Quiverfull before. It sounds very male dominated, which isn’t the case in my family.