Preparing To Be A Help Meet: The King Part 2

Preparing To Be A Help Meet: The King Part 2 August 5, 2014
Henry The VIII's queen Anne Boleyn discovered the hard way what happens when you disappoint the King.
Henry The VIII’s queen Anne Boleyn discovered the hard way what happens when you disappoint the King.

by Mel cross posted from her blog When Cows and Kids Collide

Now, Debi normalizes abusive relationships.

“These types are known for expecting their wives to wait on them hand and foot.  A Kingly Man does not want his wife involved with any project that prevents her from serving him.  If you are blessed to win the favor of a strong, forceful, bossy man, then it is very important for you to learn how to serve with joy.”

What kind of sick blessing is that?  

Waiting hand and foot on a tyrant isn’t a blessing; it’s a curse.

“Kingly Men are not as intimate or vulnerable as other men in sharing their personal feelings with their wives.  They seem sufficient unto themselves.  It can leave a sensitive woman feeling shut out.  A woman married to a Kingly Man has to earn her place in his heart by proving she will stand by her man, faithful, loyal and obedient.  When she has won his confidence, he will treasure her to the extreme.”

Watch Debi dangle that carrot: “Once you are worthy, he will love you.”

Sounds much worse in plain English – as the truth often does.

That awkward moment when your fiance the King makes you look at your father's head on a pike
That awkward moment when your fiance the King makes you look at your father’s head on a pike

“A King-natured man has a tendency to gather around him those who will assist him in establishing his kingdom and will dismiss anyone who stands in his way.  If a wife supports her king, he will honor her with glory, but if she becomes his opposition, he will go on alone without her.  She can be left feeling awfully alone, for the kingly man may not stop so she can cry on his shoulder; he may go forward and leave her crying alone.”

YOU are expendable to the “King”. 

When you are no longer useful, you will be left behind without a backward glance.

“She is on call every minute of her day.  Her man wants to know where she is, what she is doing, and why she is doing it.  He corrects her without thought.  For better or for worse, it is his nature to control.”

That’s the best description of an abusive relationship I’ve ever read.  Debi should know.  She’s living it.

“If you marry a Kingly Man, you will wear a heavier yoke than most women, but it can be a very rewarding yoke.  You will always know exactly what is required of you.  For a wise woman this can bring a calm sense of safety and rest.”

Another interesting slip by Debi.  The yoke is rewarding – not your life.

Pleasure and Blessing Number One: You never have to think again.

“The Kingly Man feels it his duty and responsibility to lead people, and so he does, whether or not they want him to lead or not.  Amazingly, this is what the public is most comfortable with.  Very few people have enough confidence to strike out on their own.  The feeling of being blamed for mistakes holds many men back.  The Kingly Man is willing to take the chance, and it is for that purpose God created these men.”

The Kingly Man isn’t afraid of being blamed – that’s what he has a wife for.

“Their road is not easy, for James said, “My bretheren, be not many masters, knowing that we shall receive the greater condemnation” (James 3:1)

Sometimes the Bible translations have HUGE difference in meaning.  The NRSV translation of that verse reads Not many of you should become teachers, my brothers and sisters,[a] for you know that we who teach will be judged with greater strictness.”  

Michael Pearl should take that verse to heart.  He’s done a lot of dangerous teachings over the years…..

“If you marry this type, he will need you to stand by him. He will grow much faster as a man and a leader if you march forward as a couple united in mind and heart.  If you pray for him, support him, encourage him, and act as his faithful right-hand man, he will be more capable to serve a greater number in wisdom and humility.  YOU could be a blessing or a curse to many people by how you relate to your Command Man.”

No.  We are each responsible for our own actions.  

If you need help due to abuse, call 1-800-799-HELP (7233) or (if you have access to a computer that your partner does not), go to

AntiPearl: I didn’t cause it.  I can’t control it.  I can’t cure it.    Al-anon slogan.

Introduction | Part 1 | Part 2 | Part 3 |Part 4 | Part 5 | Part 6 | 

Part 7 |  Part 8 | Part 9 | Part 10 | Part 11 | Part 12 | Part 13

Part 14 | Part 15 | Part 16 | Part 17 | Part 18 | Part 19Part 20

Part 21 | Part 22

Read everything by Mel!

Mel is a science teacher who works with at-risk teens and lives on a dairy farm with her husband. She blogs at When Cows and Kids Collide

Comments open below

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13:24 – A Story of Faith and Obsession by M Dolon Hickmon

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  • What I find so interesting about Debi’s strange little world is the way she has attempted to create ‘Christian’ archetypes. It is all so Jungian, and so very revealing. Somewhere along the line she’s read some pop-psychology. Her created archetypes are either a pathetic attempt to create some pop-culture best-seller herself, or a pathetic attempt to try and explain (to herself) the psychopathic and narcissistic monster she married. I suspect we’re dealing with the latter.

  • Nea

    I… I got nothin’. She is not even hiding the emotional and mental abuse she suffers from her insufferable husband, and still she calls her marriage a blessing.

    This should be in textbooks under Stockholm Syndrome.

  • Nea

    I don’t even think she’s explaining. I think she has internalized and is repeating what Michael has told her and told her and told her until her last flicker of autonomy died out.

  • Mel

    Based on my pop psychology readings, Debi is probably a covert narcissist / codependent enabler. She protects herself from her own issues by co-opting Mike’s life. I believe she believes that Michael IS a prophet, blessed by God, who has some real mission on Earth that IS so much more important than the rest of us peons.

  • gimpi1

    Well, my bet on “Overwork, physical and psychological abuse, poverty, neglect, loneliness, untreated medical problems, and martyrdom,” was pretty on-the-mark. However, I didn’t mention slavery. My bad.

    This section almost makes me feel sorry for Mrs. Pearl. She’s miserable. She is also so brainwashed that she has come to regard her misery as ‘joy.’ If she wasn’t so mean-spirited, so bigoted, so determined to drag everyone else into her particular circle of hell, I would truly pity her.

    Also, the quote, “If you marry a Kingly Man, you will wear a heavier yoke than most women, but it can be a very rewarding yoke. You will always know exactly what is required of you. For a wise woman this can bring a calm sense of safety and rest.” is about as disturbing as it gets. “Safety and rest” come from working yourself to death for a tyrant who demands total control over every aspect of your life. Again, the Pearls live in opposite world. Here, in reality, safety and rest come from, you know, being secure in your relationships and life and having time to take a break without someone demanding that you wait attendance on their every whim.

    This is easily the worst section of the mass of wrongness that this book appears to be. Poisonous and destructive.

  • Nea

    How a narcissist? She’s married the one guy guaranteed to obliterate her personality.

  • Serena763

    Whoa…whoa…whoa…How do you marry and be with someone who will toss you away when he is “done with you”??? That is not Kingly at all!! That’s a Narc with an enabler. Shame on her for promoting this nonsense!

  • Mel

    The spotlight is still on her- her suffering, her ability to cope with Mike, her ability to teach the rest of us. Narcissists have deep self hatred which they cope with either by creating a false super persona (Mike) OR by attaching themselves to another person and dwelling on how much they suffer for that person (Debi).

    It oozes out when she talks about other women. She has so much hate eating her inside that it crashes out at other women who remind her of herself. She never attacks upperclass women directly. Instead, she brutalizes other lowerclass women – which is telling since she calls herself Mike’s wildcat bride..,

  • Nea

    Ah… all becomes clear.

    Although, while she doesn’t attack upperclass women directly, she still puts out her claws. They earn “disgust of everyone who sees them,” “lose their femininity” and very likely lose their social position by ending up in a duplex.

  • Nea

    I think that by Michael’s her definition, being treated like a queen is not being dumped the second you stop sucking up.

  • Mel

    Which was awesome when my twin sister and her wife were living in a duplex – I giggled so much because I’m totally an adult.