Preparing To Be A Help Meet: Three Types of Women – Part 1

Preparing To Be A Help Meet: Three Types of Women – Part 1 September 14, 2014

womenby Mel cross posted from her blog When Cows and Kids Collide

Sorry for the absence, folks!  I started a graduate school program and had a few action packed weeks.    

Debi’s about to launch into some truly unique theology today – and she leads off by forgetting to cite the Bible.  Yay for editoral prowess!

“When God saw how lonesome poor old Adam was, he said, “It is not good that man should be alone; I will make a help meet for him.” [Ed. Note: Genesis 2:18] All females agree with God that it is not good for those wonderful eligible men to be alone!  Some men are slower to come to see their need for us tender sweeties than others, but most all men finally come to a place where they are genuinely lonely and want a mate.”

Debi loves painting with a broad brush.  According to her, every single woman in the world wants to be married.  Oops.  Married to a MAN.  Almost every man wants to be married – presumably to a woman.

Apparently, Debi can’t imagine being attracted to someone of the same gender.  (Or prefers to hide her blatant homophobia until her audience reads “Created to Be a Help Meet”.  After all, you can handle these things once you’ve been married for a while.)

“After observing all the animals in pairs and naming them (e.g., “Mr. and Mrs. Giraffe”), Adam came to understand the need he felt.  Only then did God wake him up to his new bride. The Bible records how the first couple found each other.”

“Mr. and Mrs. Giraffe” is so sickly-sweet that I want to barf.

“It was a marriage made in a garden. “And the Lord God caused a deep sleep to fall upon Adam, and he slept: and he took one of his ribs, and closed up the flesh instead thereof; And the rib, which the Lord God had taken from man, made he a woman, and brought her unto the man. And Adam said, This is now bone of my bones and flesh of my flesh: She shall be called Woman, because she was taken out of man” (Genesis 2:23(sic)”

Odd editing mistake: The Bible quote from Genesis is actually Genesis 2:21-23.

“From this passage we can see that woman was made from the man’s body…in man’s image.  A woman reflects the man from which she was derived.  She was made from him and for him.  Eve (and by extension, every woman) was created to fulfill a need in the man.  He needed a helper who could meet his needs. So — a help meet, that is, a helper suited (meet) to his needs.  Her body, soul, mind and emotions were created to be a blessing and help to Adam.”

Genesis 2:21-23 is pretty clear.  GOD knocks out Adam, whips out a rib, and builds a woman.  GOD is the actor – not Adam.  God made woman in the image of God exactly as God made man in the image of God.

Genesis 1:27 is even more clear – even in KJV.

So God created man in his own image, in the image of God created he him; male and female created he them”  

Both men and women are in the image of God.  Woman is not a reflection of man or even built solely for man.

“The reason a good portion of your thoughts are wrapped up in thinking about certain men and the hopes of marriage is because you were hard-wired with the overwhelming need to be a wife and mother.  It is a God-given need that only a man can fulfill. “

Or because you aren’t allowed to have any life of your own until you marry.  I think that would make me daydream about marriage constantly if I was trapped at home.

” I can’t think of one thing I would rather have than a man to really love me.  It is supreme.  A lovely person is easy to love.”

What an odd series of sentences.  Notice Debi CAN’T say “Michael loves me.  I love being loved by Michael.  Because I am a lovely person, I am easy to love.”

No, Debi slides into an emotional defense mechanism because, on some level, Debi knows Michael doesn’t love her.  He can’t love anyone.

 ” That is our goal.  God wants to make you become a lovely help meet.  To be a good one takes effort….lots of effort.”

Being a good spouse or partner IS hard. Being in a long-term, serious, committed relationship takes work to maintain closeness. What Debi ignores – or glosses over – is that her patented method of having women submit mindlessly to their husband isn’t the makings of a healthy marriage.  No, Debi’s plan will actively drive couples apart.

AntiPearl: Happy is the man who finds a true friend, and far happier is he who finds that true friend in his wife.

Introduction | Part 1 | Part 2 | Part 3 |Part 4 | Part 5 | Part 6 | 

Part 7 |  Part 8 | Part 9 | Part 10 | Part 11 | Part 12 | Part 13

Part 14 | Part 15 | Part 16 | Part 17 | Part 18 | Part 19Part 20

Part 21 | Part 22 | Part 23 | Part 24 | Part 25 |Part 26

Read everything by Mel!

Mel is a science teacher who works with at-risk teens and lives on a dairy farm with her husband. She blogs at When Cows and Kids Collide

 

Comments open below

NLQ Recommended Reading …

Quiverfull: Inside the Christian Patriarchy Movement by Kathryn Joyce

13:24 – A Story of Faith and Obsession by M Dolon Hickmon


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  • Nea

    Let’s start by fixing this:
    The reason a good portion of your thoughts are wrapped up in thinking about certain men and the hopes of marriage is because you were hard-wired with the overwhelming need to be a wife and mother Your culture tells you from birth it’s all you’re good for and your only ticket to heaven, not to mention in some cases your only ticket out of slavery to your parents.

    Also, if you’re NOT obsessed with men, marriage, and babies, there’s something wrong with you, girlie! Get your thoughts straight!

    And speaking of thought manipulation:
    A lovely person is easy to love.

    That is straight-up Michael. Not only is this the very wording Michael uses in To Beat Up A Child talking about child behavior, not only does Michael (as you wisely point out) love nothing but himself, Michael and Debi BOTH talk about her constant “unloving” actions towards Michael. Questioning him about food prices. (Debi, Created To Be Codependent). Taking umbrage at being worked into collapse, attacked by crabs, and being called one (Michael, Created To Need A House Slave). Resenting not having a second to herself (Debi, praising her own fortitude). Debi being “blemished” and “spotted” and “unsanctified” until preached at (Michael, talking about how he literally nagged her into being “fit” for him).

  • Em

    I always used to daydream about being married because it is the only hope for secretly horny evangelical tweens. Why yes, I’m reading song of Solomon again, just because I really love the bible and stuff.

  • MizzKittay

    Uhmmm… actually… to a certain extent *most but not all* of us are hardwired to procreate. That’s a scientific fact. Marriage is a bit of a different story but I’ll get to that. A sex/baby desiring drive can overrule rationality. It’s “designed” to. It’s a way our own body/mind can coerce us to do something our rationality tells us might not be good to do because health reasons or age or personal choice and et cetera. It helps to ensure the survival of our species. It is a drive and it is biological.

    Marriage on the other hand – A man sticking to a woman and vice versa helped to ensure any offspring the woman might produce would be belong to that particular man. Though desiring a mate is biological. Especially for women. Especially especially for pregnant women since they tend to bond with everything they touch because chemical reactions that occur.

    A lovely person is also easy to take for granted. Then that lovely person becomes bitter and angry and spiteful. Especially when they refuse to take an escape route.

    The bible isn’t 100% hogwash as much as I don’t like it. Though I’m not buying into the rib stuff.

  • gimpi1

    “No, Debi’s plan will actively drive couples apart.”

    I can say for certain that if I were to become “Pearled” and start mindlessly obeying my husband, following him around with google-eyed adoration, refusing to think for myself, refusing to make simple decisions about things like my own clothing and refusing to express any preferences (“Wherever you want to go, honey!”) my husband would run screaming for the hills.

  • Mel

    I threatened to submit to my husband one time. I told him that I could totally do that. In fact, I wouldn’t move from my chair until he told me to do something. He laughed and said “We’ll see how long you can sit in that chair because I don’t want to tell you to do anything.” He grabbed a book and went out of the room. I lasted 3 minutes before I couldn’t stand doing nothing.

    Also, my conservative mother-in-law has told each of her daughters-in-law that the men in her family (her sons) do not do well with submissive wives. In fact, we should be loud and opinionated because that’s what they thrive on. (I thought this was an odd conversation since I am loud, opinionated and stubborn to boot – but my sister-in-law needed it because she was planning to be all submissive-like. Actually, she tried it for a bit after the wedding. It didn’t last long.)

  • Kitty

    “It is a God-given need that only a man can fulfill.”

    Clearly, Debi has never had a cat. Mine are convinced that I was created to be their help meet.

  • “All females agree with God that it is not good for those wonderful eligible men to be alone! ” -Debi
    What about the less than wonderful, ineligible men? Do we think it good for them to be alone?

  • lodrelhai

    There’s growing evidence that paternity assurance is a function of the conversion from hunter/gatherer to agricultural society. Our closest relatives (chimps and bonobos) make little to no fuss over what the adult females do, even while they will actively target and hunt other males. First-contact tribal societies don’t tend to police their women’s sexuality, and rarely concern themselves with the parentage of their children. Concern for paternity comes along when inheritance becomes an issue, and the rise of it in various people groups can often be directly traced to their contact with Western cultures, particularly when the missionaries get there. So less a biological imperative than a societal conditioned one.

    Though I may be biased, preferring the research that confirms my personal tendencies and beliefs.

  • MizzKittay

    Paternity assurance isn’t just a function of an agricultural society it applies elsewhere too but I’ll get to that.

    There is a difference in world views between hunter/gatherer and agricultural societies. Lets not compare human social behaviours to that of monkeys or chimps or apes. We aren’t even classified as the same species. Our behavioural traits will be different.

    From what I remember in Anthropology class Hunter/Gatherer tends to be more community oriented. Everything is a group/community effort including raising offspring. Since tribal peoples (usually hunter/gatherer) have marriages a well it could be a glimpse that tribal men do care about who their children are. Though as for sexual policing… well some cultures are more strict than others. Example: Roman orgies.

    The point about marriage/paternity/inheritance can often be directly traced to western cultures seems too biased for me to accept. So I’ll remain a huge skeptic on that point. Since marriage is considered universally cultural. Inheritance on the other hand… Rome had inheritance laws and before that Ancient Egypt. Ancient Mesopotamia too and Babylon. We just saw a good idea and used it for ourselves.

  • lodrelhai

    As Rome, Egypt, and Babylon (not sure about ancient Mesopotamia) were all agricultural societies rather than tribal hunter/gatherer types, they still fall under the agriculture = inheritance theory. As an interesting contrast, the Na (their own term) or Mosuo (more generally known name) ethnic group in China is an agricultural group, but all property inheritance is matrilineal. And these people had no marriage until the Chinese government pretty much forced it on them. It may be a source of embarrassment if a woman does not know who the father of her child is, but that knowledge or lack does not affect the reputation or standing of the child or family.

    If you thought I was ignoring the ancient cultures for the western culture/paternity situation (since they all predate or were the foundations for modern western culture), I was unclear and I apologize. I was referring to modern-age first contact groups becoming concerned with paternity assurance after modern western influence reaches them. There seem to be a lot of cases of the first people to contact a group (generally explorers) claiming the people were very free and open about sex, then the missionaries and invasive governments come in, and then a couple generations down the line we hear that no, they believe in monogamy just like we do, and those early explorers were lying.

    Marriage is also not as universal as we like to think, at least not in the way we think of marriage. Many groups may have different forms of pair-bonding, but the partners typically have the ability and the right to walk away and find another partner whenever they wish, without the negative stigma that typically accompanies divorced people, particularly women, in our society. The ‘marriage’ has more to do with the adults wanting each other than any concerns about ensuring paternity. Additional partners outside of that pairing are often normal, encouraged, and even expected as part of cultural rituals.

    It’s debatable of course, but the evidence is there, and is growing. And to me, at least, it makes a lot more sense (and explains a lot more of why lifetime monogamy seems to be difficult to impossible for the majority of people) than the zero-sum traditional viewpoint that we are a monogamous species, but are really really bad at it.

  • gimpi1

    I think if I were to go that route, the first thing my husband would do is check the back-yard for big, human-shaped pods. Then, he’d look for signs of an alien craft landing-site.

    Yes, Invasion of the body-snatchers or alien abduction is far more likely than my becoming a submissive, meek little wife.

  • MizzKittay

    All of the ancient groups I mentioned were agricultural. Good point.

    I thought you were ignoring other cultures in favour of the western influence. Glad that was cleared up, no apology needed it was a simple misunderstanding. I’ll agree with you 2000% in some cases the western influence was not a good thing. Christian missionaries have wiped out numerous cultures around the world.

    I don’t tend to view marriage as it’s viewed in the west (for some reason) any pair-bonding to me is considered marriage of some form. Usually as a life long commitment.

    Some cultures explore various partners. Some don’t. All depends on how strict/open minded a culture is.

    Monogamy is difficult especially in a culture that teaches us to throw something away instead of fixing it.

    I highly doubt humans are naturally monogamous.