I Have Trust Issues

I Have Trust Issues April 28, 2015

livingliminalby Living Liminal cross posted from her blog Living Liminal

A few weeks ago, a friend asked me about whether I was thinking about finding another church to attend. I hesitated, talked around the question for a bit, and then I was finally able to admit out loud that I have trust issues when it comes to church leadership.

There was a time when I would automatically trust someone because they said they were a christian. That went doubly so for anyone in leadership in a church. Stupidly, naively, I bought into the idea that christians in general, and christian leaders in particular, could be trusted.

As much as I still sometimes feel angry at myself for that stupidity, the fact is that I did believe it.

And I learned the hard way that it wasn’t true.

And in the aftermath of that disillusionment, I have now been able to admit that I have been left with a distrust of church leaders.

I am willing to trust someone if they prove they are trustworthy. But titles, positions and even what people say are no longer enough. If attitudes and actions don’t match up with those things, I’m keeping my distance.

Once bitten, twice shy.

That doesn’t mean I’m bitter. And it doesn’t mean I’m unforgiving. It doesn’t even mean that the wounds I received haven’t scarred over. It just means I’ve learned from what I went through.

I’m still willing to be open. I’m still willing to be loyal. I’m even still willing to be vulnerable.

But I won’t trust automatically. And I won’t trust blindly.

And I won’t go back into a religious system which has proved to be so unsafe. Because it places one man (or woman) in a position of power and authority over their brothers and sisters. And I’ve never yet met anyone who doesn’t eventually let that power go to their heads.


Living Liminal lives in Australia with her husband and three sons, and she is learning to thrive in the liminal space her life has become. She writes at Living Liminal. 

If this is your first time visiting NLQ please read our Welcome page and our Comment Policy!

Comments open below

NLQ Recommended Reading …

Quiverfull: Inside the Christian Patriarchy Movement by Kathryn Joyce

13:24 – A Story of Faith and Obsession by M Dolon Hickmon

Browse Our Archives

Follow Us!

What Are Your Thoughts?leave a comment
  • Mel

    I am sorry you were treated so badly. Unfortunately, trust must be earned not expected a right of office.

  • Aimee Shulman

    Sounds about right. The only church I trust anymore is the one that was created when a bunch of us (including the pastor) left the horribly abusive and sick “church” that my family attended when I was a teenager and started our own NEW church that said gtfo to all that. People have tried to accuse me of “not trusting God” when I mention this but what I don’t trust is the people who CLAIM to serve him. I find that telling them that tends to quiet them down. It’s amazing how blind people who’ve never experienced spiritual abuse can be to the horrible effects it has.

  • Bravo!

  • Agreed!

  • ShaLaLa

    Not gonna lie, it is much harder for me to trust anyone who proclaims to have strongly held religious beliefs of any kind, but particularly Christianity (the last part because as the dominant religion where I live, Christians have a lot more power than other strongly religious folk.

    Not to say that I *won’t* trust strongly religious folk, just that it’s an extra barrier to my trust after all the shit I’ve seen done in the name of this god (damnit autocorrect, stop capitalizing every instance of the word “god.” If I want it capitalized, I’ll see to it that it gets capitalized!). Unfair? Maybe. Certainly there are many people in my life I DO trust who are religious. But it’s out of my control.

    As for trusting any god, not bloody likely. I’ve yet to read a mythology that includes a truly trustworthy deity, Christian bible included. Trust is to be earned, not handed out like candy.

  • It sounds like you’ve had some pretty awful experiences with religious people 🙁

    Trust is definitely something that must be earned!

  • I think denial is a trip! I want to know more abt it.