by Michael Pearl from No Greater Joy – I Need Her Counsel and Judgement
Editor’s note: A fascinating look into the abusive nature of the Pearl marriage where Michael admits he needs Debi’s ideas. He thought that her having ideas contrary to his was was her ‘getting out of her place’.
Headstrong, independent men sometimes forget that in the “multitude of counselors there is safety” (Proverbs 24:6). “For none of us liveth to himself, and no man dieth to himself” (Romans 14:7).
Mister, you need counsel. Having done many stupid things, I don’t trust Michael Pearl like I did when I was young and knew everything. I have gotten dumber with the years. I am known to say “I don’t know” more often than I did just after graduating from college.
But I will admit that early in our marriage I didn’t want my wife’s advice. At the time I felt that she was minimizing me in her criticism, so it angered Boss Hog when she “got out of her place” and took the lead. At least, that is the way I interpreted her suggestions. I will tell you the truth, I don’t know what happened first; maybe she gained wisdom in the way she offered input or maybe I became less sensitive to suggestions. But the end result is that we grew and matured to the point where I trust her judgments and she trusts mine, and we both know we can be wrong and therefore are open to considering other possibilities. We can challenge one another without feeling put down. It is a fact of human nature that all of us listen with concern and introspection to those whom we respect, and we dismiss with derision those whom we think are unworthy to challenge us. Poor wives.
The bottom line is that insecurity and fear make us angry at perceived criticism. The smallest man has the biggest anger.