Quoting Quiverfull: Part 2 – Nip What In The Bud?

Quoting Quiverfull: Part 2 – Nip What In The Bud? March 28, 2016

quotingquiverfullby Debi Pearl from No Greater Joy – Nip It In The Bud

Editor’s note: So apparently the times the father tried to ask the kid to run along weren’t good enough, even if this is part of what Debi is saying that the father should have done. And those strings she’s referring to being tied at the end of this piece? Something called ‘strings of fellowship’ Bizarre.

Why did this happen? What could have been done to avert the moment? What makes a child have this spirit of rebellion or desire to dominate? What would you have done?

The father’s first mistake was that he had never done any effective training—of either himself or the the child. His actions showed that he didn’t even understand training. The father created the escalating situation by his early reluctance to interrupt the social scene with decisive action. He allowed his son to come to rebellion in increments, going from foolishness to stubbornness to self-will to defiance and finally to all-out angry rebellion. The child didn’t start out angry or rebellious. The father created it in the child through his progressive, ineffectual displays of irritation. Early on, what the father thought was self-restraint is what brought both of them to lack of restraint.

So how could the father have turned this into an effective training session rather than a war? At the first indication the boy was out of line, and before either one of them was irritated, Father could have ceased any pretense at conversation and said to his son, “I need to talk to Mr. Jones undisturbed for a minute, so go sit down over there until I call you.” By continuing to stare at his son with unwavering but calm determination, the pressure of the father’s presence would have provoked the son to obey. When the son complied, Father could say, “That is a good boy; we will be finished in just a minute, and then you can show Mr. Jones your rocks,” The boy needed simple, decisive instructions given in a kind but commanding way.

Later, when the guest left the house, the father could have taken his boy by the hand and, walking around the yard, explained how he should act even when he is happy to have a visitor come to the house. It could have been a good time for the father to teach his little soon-to-be man how to exercise restraint, and it would have tied strings.

Part 1

QUOTING QUIVERFULL is a regular feature of NLQ – we present the actual words of noted Quiverfull leaders, cultural enforcers and those that seek to keep women submitted to men and ask our readers: What do you think? Agree? Disagree? This is the place to state your opinion. Please, let’s keep it respectful – but at the same time, we encourage readers to examine the ideas of Quiverfull and Spiritual Abuse honestly and thoughtfully.

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  • Storm

    All in all, this part of the advice doesn’t seem that bad at all. However, the Pearls seem to assume that the boy will just obey because the father asks him to, when the original situation implied that the boy was misbehaving for attention. This could work with a child who knows that when his parents say, “The adults are talking right now, but we’ll be with you in a few minutes,” they are telling the truth. However, if the child has not been raised that way thus far, or is too young to understand that he will get attention if he waits quietly (I think the boy in the example was 2, which is probably just getting to the age where children can start to learn skills like this), then this won’t work.

    This is where the Pearls would likely say to beat it out of him if he continues to bother the adults, if reading their past writings is any indication. I’d likely try to redirect the child to a toy or task first, perhaps setting some kind of timer for when he can come back to build his skills concerning waiting for attention and being polite. If he continued to physically attack me or my guest, I would let him know that hitting is not allowed and give a time-out if necessary (if he was too worked up to understand and process what was going on). I think it’s very weird that the father in this story does nothing? at all about his child hitting and kicking another person. I could imagine him being embarrassed, but I’m pretty sure most parents would have no problem picking up their two year old and telling him not to hit, and redirecting him to another activity. Seeing this from the child’s perspective, he doesn’t know why the adults won’t talk to him right now because he doesn’t understand social interaction yet, which is why this is the perfect opportunity to start teaching him the basics.

    Time-outs are much maligned as too soft and ineffective by the Pearl crowd, but as an adult I use them all the time when I know I am getting frustrated and emotional. Growing up I probably was in time out only 5 or 10 times beyond the age of 4 or so, and I remember always having a calm conversation with my mom after about what happened, why what I did was wrong, and what we could do to avoid me getting emotional/violent in the future.

  • Astrin Ymris

    Re: “…the Pearls seem to assume that the boy will just obey because the father asks him to, when the original situation implied that the boy was
    misbehaving for attention…”

    In Pearlworld, everything occurs just as the Pearls fantasize that it will. There’s no need to engage in research: The Pearls have The Truth, and are thus right by definition. If following their advice doesn’t work, then you obviously didn’t do it right.

  • BCH

    What, no immediate public flogging of the little hellspawn with a handy piece of plumbing line at the first sign of rebellion? That lawsuit tenderizing your methods, Pearls?