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<\/a>What happens in Quiverfull when the dress is boxed and the veil is packed away and real life sets in?<\/p>\nThrough the years I have noticed a curious thing in Quiverfull marriages, even among the more prominent cultural enforcers. What is it? Unhappiness on a mass scale, control, secretive control by wives that claim they are submissive. They paint a picture for anyone that is not attractive, not at all. It\u2019s enough to put everyone off ever marrying. It just reinforces the beliefs of guys in the MGTOW world. I don\u2019t blame them for holding those views just based upon what we see all the time in Quiverfull marriages. The same with the young women seeking careers and delaying marriage. The examples around them are so joyless and unloving. Marriage in complementarian circles is grim, dire, and tortuousness instead of the joyous coming together of two equals who share everything.<\/p>\n
Years ago I had the chance to observe for several hours the interactions of the poster couple of Quiverfull, Jim Bob and Michelle Duggar. What I saw was that while\u00a0 Jim Bob was ostentatiously the family \u201cleader\u201d he frequently turned to Michelle for subtle approval, that she did control him in a very low key way. It was eye opening to see their body language, the tiny micro expressions, and a thousand other things that put lie to the whole submission of women thing. I doubt they are even aware of it either.\u00a0 They will swear it\u2019s all female submission. But it is not, it\u2019s manipulation, that same manipulation that is listed as akin to witchcraft in the Bible.<\/p>\n
I have to believe this is at the heart of most complementarian marriages. We know that many times it is the wife that drags the family into the world of Quiverfull. It seems to always boil down to the unhappiness of the wife. She wants to change her husband, and buys the lie at the heart of the theology that if she just does it right, sacrifices the right way, submits hard enough and is joyous that God will miraculously change the husband. This is the whole \u201cwin him without a word\u201d misunderstand of scripture that the whole rickety base this subculture rests upon.<\/p>\n
It is wicked. It is evil and it wrecks marriages by forcing both partners into unnaturally strict roles instead of allowing them to function in what their strengths are. Marriages not in this subculture are less prone to divorce statistics show, and I think it\u2019s because people aren\u2019t forced to do things they are not suited for. Marriages should be free form and malleable\u00a0 enough to accommodate the needs and talents of everyone.<\/p>\n
One quick cautionary tale of how complementary marriage is damaging. From an unnamed semi-famous cultural enforcer\u2019s marriage. Someone we have covered here many times. The gruesome twosome are so toxic I have no wish to poke them, or the husband\u2019s sock puppet so I am not naming them. I am sure every regular reader knows exactly whom I am speaking of.<\/p>\n
Lately I am getting increasing amounts of messages from women who are not part of the Quiverfull movement with tales of the husband of a female cultural enforcer. He illustrates the unhappiness and frustration that is built into complementarian marriages just by the way he interactions with his wife\u2019s detractors.<\/p>\n
What does he do? He contacts in private message many women. He hectors them, seeking to \u2018teach\u2019 them why his wife is right. Eventually the messages start seeming a little bit flirty, and he suggests meeting for coffee.<\/p>\n
This is what emotional infidelity looks like. It\u2019s not actual physical cheating, but it is becoming emotionally enmeshed with others of the opposite sex you have\u00a0 no reason to contact.<\/p>\n
There have been rumors for years that this man has cheated, but I have seen nothing to that effect. Only this sad clinging emotionally to a sea of other women.<\/p>\n
If I were to speculate on the whys this man is doing this I would have to say it seems more to do with the obsessional nature of the wife. Her control of what he eats, her lack of human emotions, her strangely inappropriate behaviors and hygiene. It would be a very hard row to hoe for anyone. It\u2019s pretty obvious he is seeking emotional support, human connection, completely away from his wife. Which is more sad and tragic, to be pitied.<\/p>\n
I have read through the reams of stuff sent to me on him, and all I can do is think how incredibly miserable his marriage must be. Husbands in healthy, happy relationships with their wives generally do not seek these types of outside relationships.<\/p>\n
This is where \u201cBiblical marriage\u201d and complementarianism has completely ruined his life. In normal marriages someone confronted continually with an angry controlling spouse making demands and spiraling into mental illness could take actions.\u00a0 Insist the spouse get mental help, or if they refused to stop their abusive behavior (and that level of control is spousal abuse) there is the option of legal separation, or even divorce eventually once all other options for helping the spouse are exhausted.<\/p>\n
Divorce is no fun for anyone, and yes, it is a drastic step. But in marriages where there is abuse and infidelity it is sometimes the kindest thing you can do for both partners. No one needs to stay in an abusive marriage, but Biblical complementarianism traps many into this sick unholy unions. God is not honored by any of this no matter what the enforcers might claim. Life is too long to allow the abuse of someone else to keep you in hellish misery.<\/p>\n
Stay in touch! Like No Longer Quivering on Facebook:<\/em><\/p>\n No Longer Quivering<\/a><\/p><\/blockquote>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n If this is your first time visiting NLQ please read our Welcome page<\/a> and our Comment Policy<\/a>! Commenting here means you agree to abide by our policies but our main rule is this \u2013 Do not be a dick!<\/strong><\/p>\n Copyright notice: If you use any content from NLQ, including any of our research or Quoting Quiverfull quotes, please give us credit and a link back to this site. All original content is owned by No Longer Quivering and Patheos.com<\/strong><\/em><\/p>\n Read our hate mail at Jerks 4 Jesus<\/a><\/strong><\/p>\n Check out today\u2019s NLQ News at NLQ Newspaper<\/a><\/strong><\/p>\n Contact NLQ at Suzanne.calulu@gmail.com<\/strong><\/p>\n What happens in Quiverfull when the dress is boxed and the veil is packed away and real life sets in? Through the years I have noticed a curious thing in Quiverfull marriages, even among the more prominent cultural enforcers. What is it? Unhappiness on a mass scale, control, secretive control by wives that claim they […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1057,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[7082,12322,10427,10818,13615,9077,6618],"tags":[2675,10045,8227,1503,18992],"class_list":["post-54583","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-learn-to-please-your-husband-or-else","category-you-arent-happy-enough","category-a-wifes-needs-are-sin","category-a-womans-submission","category-abuse-victims-in-the-church","category-abused-wives","category-biblical-marriage-2","tag-abuse","tag-complimentarianism","tag-emotional-infidelity","tag-marriage","tag-unhappy-marraiges"],"yoast_head":"\n\n
Comments open below<\/strong><\/h2>\n
NLQ Recommended Reading \u2026<\/strong><\/h1>\n
Quiverfull: Inside the Christian Patriarchy Movement<\/a> by Kathryn Joyce<\/strong><\/h4>\n
I Fired God<\/a> by Jocelyn Zichtermann<\/strong><\/h4>\n
13:24 A Dark Thriller<\/a> by M Dolon Hickmon<\/strong><\/h4>\n<\/body><\/html>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"