{"id":460,"date":"2016-05-22T12:52:45","date_gmt":"2016-05-22T16:52:45","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/admin.patheos.com\/blogs\/oathbound\/?p=460"},"modified":"2016-05-22T12:52:45","modified_gmt":"2016-05-22T16:52:45","slug":"starting-over-rebuilding-a-solitary-practice","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/oathbound\/2016\/05\/starting-over-rebuilding-a-solitary-practice\/","title":{"rendered":"Starting Over: Rebuilding a Solitary Practice"},"content":{"rendered":"\n<\/head>

\"This<\/a>
This is a shoebox full of some of my first tools.<\/figcaption><\/figure>\n<\/p>

I\u2019ve written pretty extensively about the level of work that goes into running a coven<\/a>. People have this romantic idea that it\u2019s all about embodying magical adepthood, swooping around spouting profundities, and dispensing sage advice earned through years of hardened experience. All we have to do is be our wise selves, or something.<\/p>\n

Leadership doesn\u2019t actually look like that from the inside.<\/p>\n

I\u2019m constantly negotiating schedules, worrying about how my decisions will impact both my own group and my upline, deciding how we should or shouldn\u2019t interact with a wider Pagan community, rehearsing difficult conversations in my head, asking myself whether or not I\u2019m just being egotistical when I assert \u201chow it\u2019s got to be\u201d amongst my initiates, and imagining the future through a haze of low-grade anxiety like an awful Choose Your Own Adventure<\/em> book (where everyone hates you and you spoil everything if you choose wrong).<\/p>\n

And cleaning my house. Always cleaning my fucking house.<\/p>\n

I don\u2019t mean for this to sound like I\u2019m not in love with my coven and my tradition. I think love and commitment pretty often go hand-in-hand with worry (this, coupled with my teaching job, has shown me that I could easily be one of those scary helicopter parents that school administrators hate). \u00a0But in the last couple of months, I\u2019ve realized that practically my entire magical life has come to revolve around other people. I don\u2019t do much for myself these days, beyond reading a book every now and then.<\/p>\n

So I\u2019m trying to go back in time a little and revisit those parts of a personal practice that were so important before I took on the roles that I play now. It\u2019s a weird experience finding myself sort of at the beginning again, rebuilding.<\/p>\n

I keep a personal altar in my bedroom, separate from anything Foxfire does. Yesterday I tore it down and set it back up slowly, one piece at a time. I reaffirmed the purpose of each item, each symbol. Altars have a way of accumulating things, and sometimes those things lose their meaning without us even realizing it. Those things had to go.<\/p>\n

I also pulled out some of the books in my library that have been \u201cgame changers\u201d for me. Books that altered my thinking significantly, for whatever reason, and shaped my witchcraft into what it is now. I\u2019m going to be rereading them, and working through whatever activities they include. It\u2019s clear that they won\u2019t have the same impact now\u2014and in some cases I will disagree with their content vehemently\u2014but I think it\u2019ll be useful to reevaluate them, just as I\u2019ve done the items on my altar.<\/p>\n

Two of those books are Silver RavenWolf\u2019s To Ride a Silver Broomstick<\/em> and Dianne Sylvan<\/a>\u2019s The Circle Within<\/em>. I\u2019m reading the former now, and it\u2019s been great fun because I\u2019ve been able to go back and read the journal I was keeping the first time I read it (it\u2019s almost twenty years old!). Looking at how I\u2019ve changed has been incredibly informative (which is just one reason why I think journaling is so critical<\/a>).<\/p>\n

One thing I discovered is this: I used to really, really<\/em> care about the moon.<\/p>\n

But coven meetings are dictated by the work schedules and family obligations of more than half a dozen people. The moon gets zero<\/em> say. Over time, this has significantly altered the role that it plays as a symbol in my witchcraft, completely without intention. I\u2019d like to recover that for myself.<\/p>\n

I can remember how important certain tiny rituals and techniques used to be to me, before they got swallowed up in this big picture of training other people and Upholding Tradition. I used to have a personal devotion that I did in the mornings. \u00a0I used to make sacred art. \u00a0I used to do more exploring.<\/p>\n

To be clear, this is my own failing. Not something inherent about group work or being part of any tradition. I wrote that blog about the false dichotomy between group practice and solitary work<\/a> just as much for myself as anyone else.<\/p>\n

It\u2019s exciting, to feel like I can start over. It\u2019s so easy to get so caught up in what other people are doing and forget about ourselves. For some people, that looks like running a coven or taking on students, and simply neglecting a practice beyond that. For others, it means obsessing over \u201cthe right way\u201d and fighting about it on the Internet, at the expense of actually doing<\/em> anything. For more, it means being too afraid of what others will think to ever even try something that may actually work for you.<\/p>\n

I feel like a lot of what I\u2019ll be doing is getting back to basics. Paying attention, building a sense of enchantment with the world, learning to listen more, talking to the gods. \u00a0I\u2019m not going to start waking up early to do elaborate rituals before work (6 a.m. comes plenty early as it is, thanks). \u00a0I\u2019m also not going to hold myself to yet one more schedule, one more fucking task list. \u00a0I\u2019m building<\/em>, after all. \u00a0Reevaluating. \u00a0Anyone who\u2019s ever successfully cultivated an athletic routine can tell you that swearing to go to the gym five days a week from zero is the fastest way to fail. \u00a0In the same way, you don\u2019t just instantly adopt a religious perspective or ritual practice. \u00a0Quality takes time.<\/p>\n

This isn\u2019t the first time I\u2019ve had to hit reset. Maybe it\u2019s something we all have to do periodically in order to remember what\u2019s important. I\u2019ll be sure to report back.<\/p>\n<\/body><\/html>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Sometimes, you just have to hit reset.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2241,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[26,3,48],"tags":[56,106,103],"class_list":["post-460","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-coven-life","category-exciting-life-things","category-personal-stuff","tag-personal","tag-personal-practice","tag-solitary-practitioners"],"yoast_head":"\nStarting Over: Rebuilding a Solitary Practice<\/title>\n<meta name=\"description\" content=\"Sometimes, you just have to hit reset.\" \/>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" href=\"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/oathbound\/2016\/05\/starting-over-rebuilding-a-solitary-practice\/\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"en_US\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"Starting Over: Rebuilding a Solitary Practice\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:description\" content=\"Sometimes, you just have to hit reset.\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:url\" content=\"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/oathbound\/2016\/05\/starting-over-rebuilding-a-solitary-practice\/\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:site_name\" content=\"Oathbound\" \/>\n<meta property=\"article:author\" content=\"https:\/\/www.facebook.com\/thorn.mooney\" \/>\n<meta property=\"article:published_time\" content=\"2016-05-22T16:52:45+00:00\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:image\" content=\"http:\/\/wp.production.patheos.com\/blogs\/oathbound\/files\/2016\/05\/box-of-tools-e1463935445302.jpg\" \/>\n<meta name=\"author\" content=\"Thorn Mooney\" \/>\n<meta name=\"twitter:card\" content=\"summary_large_image\" \/>\n<meta name=\"twitter:creator\" content=\"@tarotskeptic\" \/>\n<meta name=\"twitter:label1\" content=\"Written by\" \/>\n\t<meta name=\"twitter:data1\" content=\"Thorn Mooney\" \/>\n\t<meta name=\"twitter:label2\" content=\"Est. reading time\" \/>\n\t<meta name=\"twitter:data2\" content=\"5 minutes\" \/>\n<script type=\"application\/ld+json\" class=\"yoast-schema-graph\">{\"@context\":\"https:\/\/schema.org\",\"@graph\":[{\"@type\":\"WebPage\",\"@id\":\"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/oathbound\/2016\/05\/starting-over-rebuilding-a-solitary-practice\/\",\"url\":\"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/oathbound\/2016\/05\/starting-over-rebuilding-a-solitary-practice\/\",\"name\":\"Starting Over: Rebuilding a Solitary Practice\",\"isPartOf\":{\"@id\":\"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/oathbound\/#website\"},\"datePublished\":\"2016-05-22T16:52:45+00:00\",\"dateModified\":\"2016-05-22T16:52:45+00:00\",\"author\":{\"@id\":\"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/oathbound\/#\/schema\/person\/a23c7b958f83b01c7a852a42dd1fc34b\"},\"description\":\"Sometimes, you just have to hit reset.\",\"breadcrumb\":{\"@id\":\"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/oathbound\/2016\/05\/starting-over-rebuilding-a-solitary-practice\/#breadcrumb\"},\"inLanguage\":\"en-US\",\"potentialAction\":[{\"@type\":\"ReadAction\",\"target\":[\"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/oathbound\/2016\/05\/starting-over-rebuilding-a-solitary-practice\/\"]}]},{\"@type\":\"BreadcrumbList\",\"@id\":\"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/oathbound\/2016\/05\/starting-over-rebuilding-a-solitary-practice\/#breadcrumb\",\"itemListElement\":[{\"@type\":\"ListItem\",\"position\":1,\"name\":\"Home\",\"item\":\"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/oathbound\/\"},{\"@type\":\"ListItem\",\"position\":2,\"name\":\"Starting Over: Rebuilding a Solitary Practice\"}]},{\"@type\":\"WebSite\",\"@id\":\"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/oathbound\/#website\",\"url\":\"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/oathbound\/\",\"name\":\"Oathbound\",\"description\":\"Witchcraft and Magic from the Gut\",\"potentialAction\":[{\"@type\":\"SearchAction\",\"target\":{\"@type\":\"EntryPoint\",\"urlTemplate\":\"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/oathbound\/?s={search_term_string}\"},\"query-input\":\"required name=search_term_string\"}],\"inLanguage\":\"en-US\"},{\"@type\":\"Person\",\"@id\":\"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/oathbound\/#\/schema\/person\/a23c7b958f83b01c7a852a42dd1fc34b\",\"name\":\"Thorn Mooney\",\"image\":{\"@type\":\"ImageObject\",\"inLanguage\":\"en-US\",\"@id\":\"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/oathbound\/#\/schema\/person\/image\/\",\"url\":\"https:\/\/secure.gravatar.com\/avatar\/a55d22ed8bca2600cc0b56e49250bb15?s=96&d=mm&r=g\",\"contentUrl\":\"https:\/\/secure.gravatar.com\/avatar\/a55d22ed8bca2600cc0b56e49250bb15?s=96&d=mm&r=g\",\"caption\":\"Thorn Mooney\"},\"description\":\"Thorn Mooney is a Witch of more than twenty years and the high priestess of Foxfire, a traditional Gardnerian coven thriving in the American South. 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