{"id":864,"date":"2008-01-14T08:59:00","date_gmt":"2008-01-14T08:59:00","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/orthodixie\/2008\/01\/the-messiah-formerly-known-as-jesus.html"},"modified":"2008-01-14T08:59:00","modified_gmt":"2008-01-14T08:59:00","slug":"the-messiah-formerly-known-as-jesus","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/orthodixie\/2008\/01\/the-messiah-formerly-known-as-jesus.html","title":{"rendered":"The Messiah Formerly Known as Jesus"},"content":{"rendered":"\n<\/head>

Reposting this review; the book, just released<\/strong>, is a really funny read (especially for Net Surfers with a goodly dollop of theoknowledgey).<\/em><\/p>\n

\"\"<\/a>Dispatches from the Intersection of Christianity and Pop Culture<\/strong><\/em>
Tom Breen, author<\/em>
Fr Joseph Huneycutt, only the reviewer<\/em>
<\/span>
I<\/span>t\u2019s high time that someone finally wrote this book, but it should have been me. I\u2019m a bit put off that there was not a more sufficient waiting period. Scout\u2019s honour, I\u2019m writing just as fast as I can. Please, in the future dear publishers, be patient. In this changing world of electronic gizmos (e.g., transistor radios, electric football, night-lights, and hot air popcorn), it\u2019s difficult to stay ahead of the curve. Now comes word that there\u2019s such a thing as an \u201cInternet Theologian.\u201d Who knew? Or, to use the hip e-parlance of the day: It. Should. Have. Been. Who? That\u2019s right. Me. (For those of you above the age of 50, try diagramming the above phrase. Weird, huh?)\n

Well if you\u2019re just now grasping weird, you\u2019ll find no better primer than this little book \u2013 especially if you like things a bit on the churchy side. But, be warned: If you believe laughing to be a sin, you may, at this very moment, be on the threshold of grave danger. Do not. I repeat. Do not read this book. Unless, of course, you\u2019re some sort of radical that believes sin is good for the soul.1<\/sup> <\/p><\/div>\n

[NB: Scroll down for footnotes.]<\/span><\/em>\n

As I have already mentioned \u2013 or, in case you just joined us \u2013 this book was not written by me. It was written by millions and millions of tiny words invented by Tom Breen.2<\/sup> Calling himself the Internet Theologian<\/em><\/strong>, he writes:<\/p>\n

First, there will be times in the course of this book when you will scratch your head and say, \u201cI never knew that before. I\u2019d better double-check it.\u201d However, your fact-checking efforts will come to naught, because many of the statements I use to make points in this book are \u201cpre-facts\u201d: that is, they are statements that sound plausible, but for which there is yet no conclusive evidence to establish their accuracy.<\/em><\/p>\n

What a goof. Please, bear with me as I pilfer a few more of his words:<\/p>\n

In summary, what you hold in you hands is an impassioned attempt to explain, for the confused and bewildered, the places where religion intersects with popular culture and what this means for Christianity, America, and the future of movies marketed to audiences who don\u2019t think there should be any swearing in war films.
<\/em>
Seeking here to prove my original point, I not only could have written those words \u2013 I just did!3<\/sup><\/p>\n

This work is not only cutting edge, entertaining, and life-changing, it\u2019s also downright necessary. Religion is at the forefront of public debate in America in a way it hasn\u2019t been since the great Civil Rights Era, when the Rev. Martin \u201cJunior\u201d Luther issued the famous Emancipation Proclamation from the steps of Faneuil Hall, with its immortal opening phrase: \u201cFourscore and seven years ago, I come not to praise Caesar, but to bury him.\u201d<\/em><\/p>\n

As an aside, those of you who know where or what a Faneuil<\/strong><\/em> is, please inform me at NoFunkyWords@hadIwrittenthebook.con<\/a>. <\/p><\/div>\n

You may be thinking to yourself, \u201cHey! If I\u2019d wanted to read something really witty, something on the cutting edge combining technology, theology, chronology, and [insert favorite ology<\/em> word here, like, for example, blog<\/em>] I would have really gotten wiki with it and read Tom Breen\u2019s new book, The Messiah Formerly Known as Jesus \u2013 Dispatches from the Intersection of Christianity and Pop Culture<\/a>. Alas, I\u2019m afraid to say, you would be wrong.4<\/sup>\n

As an Orthodox Christian, I was pleasantly surprised that the author used the word Orthodox (not, mind you, the more common dinky-o \u201corthodox\u201d) at least seven million times in the book.5<\/sup> For instance,<\/p>\n

Orthodox Christians<\/strong>: Until recently, most scholars agreed that Orthodox Christians didn\u2019t really exist. Like werewolves, fairies, and Romanians, they were simply a charming Old World fable designed to delight children with outlandish details regarding the rich, luxurious beards and interminable arguments about the proper interpretation of Greek words. Upon further reflection, some scholars now cautiously hazard the guess that there are roughly 250 million Orthodox Christians in the world, with a lineage stretching back to the earliest days of the Church. As for what these strange, chanting, hirsute folk actually believe, though, no one is yet confident enough to hazard a guess.<\/em>6<\/sup><\/p>\n

Oh, don\u2019t fret. The author makes fun of \u2013 which means explains <\/em><\/strong>\u2013 your particular brand of Christianity as well. What, you think I have all day? You\u2019ll have to write your own review! Though, trust me, there\u2019s big words to be learnt here:<\/p>\n

Apokatastasis<\/strong>: This extremely long Greek word (meaning, literally, \u201cDukakis-like furlough program\u201d) basically means \u201ceveryone gets off scot-free.\u201d It\u2019s sort of like what would happen if God were a Democrat. Origen, Gregory of Nyssa, and the awesomely-named Gregory Thaumaturge are the key early proponents of this theory. However, it fell into disfavor when Origen (or, possibly, just his backup singers, known as the Origen-ettes) suggested that even the Devil would be saved. Running into him in Heaven would be even more surprising than meeting Judas there, and marginally more of a shock than bumping into your Uncle Al.
<\/em>
Adult Converts to Orthodoxy are aware of the healing effects of just saying the word Apokatastasis<\/em><\/strong>. Oh sure, it\u2019s a heresy all right. But only liars will say that it ain\u2019t fun to say.7<\/sup> Let me just add another footnote here.8<\/sup><\/p>\n

As I am getting fairly close to plagiarism<\/strike> \u2013 copyright infringement<\/strike> \u2013 the end of this book review, I must skip ahead through a good chunk of the Internet Theologian\u2019s<\/strong><\/em> attempt at writing my book to steal the following two paragraphs:<\/p>\n

Grown-Up Hippie Christians are important for our purposes because they have such a close and familiar relationship with popular culture. Since childhood, when TV was invented by Milton Berle, these people have thought of their lives in terms of popular culture, from the Beatles to the satisfying documentaries of the Sundance Channel.<\/em><\/p>\n

And just as no one is better suited to explain Christianity than the Internet Theologian, no group is more skilled than the Grown-Up Hippie Christians at translating the confusing world of theology to the argot of pop culture. So why don\u2019t they get more attention?<\/em>9<\/sup><\/p>\n

Ah yes, here we are at the end of this review. But I shall not leave you hanging, dear reader. Closure is needed. First, a question: Do you have an Uncle Al? Me neither. So that part about not seeing him in heaven meant zippo to me. Now for the spoiler, since I was not allowed to write the book, though the blame is yet to jell in this regard, I shall leave you with \u2013 honest to goodness \u2013 the final paragraph of The Messiah Formerly Known as Jesus<\/em><\/strong> taken, I believe, from the book of Ezekiel:<\/p>\n

\u201cWhen, in the course of human events, it becomes necessary not to praise Caesar, but to bury him, two roads diverged in a wood and I took the one less traveled by. We hold these truths to be self-evident: I think, therefore I am. Do unto others. I can call you Betty and Betty, when you call me, you can call me Al.\u201d<\/em>10<\/sup> <\/p><\/div>\n

<\/div>\n
______________________________________\n

1 \u2013 Obviously, this should read: \u201cUnless you believe that laughter is good for the soul\u201d \u2013 but you know what I meant!
<\/span>
2 \u2013 For the record: Ever since I was young, I have used the word million<\/em>, millions of times, to refer to \u201ca whole lot\u201d (i.e., way more than fourteen).
<\/span>
3 \u2013 The Internet Theologian\u2019s book lies beside me on the couch, but I solemnly promise that I have typed every single word you have just read into my very own keyboard. (He merely wrote them first. And you know what the Bible says about those who are first, right? But I digress.)
<\/span>
4 \u2013 <\/strong>Facetious<\/strong> is a fun word, though often mispaled.
<\/span>
5 \u2013 Fourteen is also a big number.<\/span><\/p>\n

6 \u2013 I hazard to say, mind you, that I would never have used hazard<\/em> twice in the same paragraph. And, thinking back to the fourth grade, I seem to recall that hirsute <\/em>means \u201cclose friend of Scooby-Doo.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

7 \u2013 Note:<\/strong> The word must be said with emphasis \u2013 at the very least \u2013 fourteen times.<\/span><\/p>\n

8 \u2013 But don\u2019t be fooled! Heresy may lead to icky bad things like what happened to the man Santa Claus slapped: \u201cArius eventually died in a bizarre bathroom incident, and really, the matter should have ended there. Who\u2019d want to be a member of the party of the guy who exploded outside an outhouse\u201d (p.117).<\/span><\/p>\n

9 \u2013 That was the first time I\u2019d ever typed the word argot <\/em>and it was much easier than I would have thunk.
<\/span>
10 \u2013 Remember that music video with Paul Simon and Chevy Chase? Me neither. But this book is way, way too funny to miss! So, since you didn\u2019t write it, you might as well read it. Granted, there will be some who\u2019ll claim that I stole the writing style of the author in fashioning this book review. I say, \u201cProve it!\u201d I mean, how do they know I didn\u2019t write the review first?<\/span> <\/p><\/div>\n<\/body><\/html>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Reposting this review; the book, just released, is a really funny read (especially for Net Surfers with a goodly dollop of theoknowledgey). Dispatches from the Intersection of Christianity and Pop CultureTom Breen, authorFr Joseph Huneycutt, only the reviewerIt\u2019s high time that someone finally wrote this book, but it should have been me. I\u2019m a bit […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1691,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[1],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-864","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-uncategorized"],"yoast_head":"\nThe Messiah Formerly Known as Jesus<\/title>\n<meta name=\"description\" content=\"Reposting this review; the book, just released, is a really funny read (especially for Net Surfers with a goodly dollop of theoknowledgey).Dispatches from\" \/>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" href=\"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/orthodixie\/2008\/01\/the-messiah-formerly-known-as-jesus.html\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"en_US\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"The Messiah Formerly Known as Jesus\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:description\" content=\"Reposting this review; the book, just released, is a really funny read (especially for Net Surfers with a goodly dollop of theoknowledgey).Dispatches from\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:url\" content=\"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/orthodixie\/2008\/01\/the-messiah-formerly-known-as-jesus.html\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:site_name\" content=\"Orthodixie\" \/>\n<meta property=\"article:published_time\" content=\"2008-01-14T08:59:00+00:00\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:image\" content=\"http:\/\/wp.patheos.com.s3.amazonaws.com\/blogs\/orthodixie\/files\/blogger\/_iTncioBQZNk\/R1iM3wgQojI\/AAAAAAAAA00\/vdtfdQw9eUI\/s400\/breen_cover_(5_in_x_8_in)+(2).jpg\" \/>\n<meta name=\"author\" content=\"Fr. 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