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{"id":5589,"date":"2012-07-23T14:41:50","date_gmt":"2012-07-23T18:41:50","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/pantheon\/?p=5589"},"modified":"2012-07-23T14:43:51","modified_gmt":"2012-07-23T18:43:51","slug":"aurora-greys-anatomy-and-senseless-death","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/pantheon\/2012\/07\/aurora-greys-anatomy-and-senseless-death\/","title":{"rendered":"Aurora, Grey’s Anatomy and Senseless Death"},"content":{"rendered":"\n<\/head>

I\u2019ve seen the headlines. I know the basics. But I haven\u2019t read a single post or news story about the Aurora, Colorado shooting. I just can\u2019t do it.<\/p>\n

I mentioned that my vacation involved a Grey\u2019s Anatomy<\/em> marathon. Took me all the way to the end of the sixth season. If you follow the show you know that at the end of season six an armed gunman roams the hospital and a lot of people are shot. A few die. As a viewer you sit helpless, knowing what is happening, unable to communicate what you know to the characters and you watch people die. Senseless death.<\/p>\n

$\"\"$ <\/a><\/p>\n

Part of the reason I took a week \u201coff\u201d (Cara Schulz tells me that if you are still checking in and doing an hour or two of work each day that you\u2019re not really taking a vacation) was because I took Dave Grega\u2019s death harder than I would have expected. He was younger than me, someone that I knew, a colleague. Beyond being a fellow Pagan, he was \u201cone of us,\u201d one of the people trying to make a difference in Pagan media. He had cancer and other health issues, and yet despite his significant weight loss, heavy medication and recent surgery, a bunch of bullies were roaming the internet saying he had a heart attack because he was fat. They used a person I knew as a weapon, mis-characterizing his death. My grandmother, who was the only person in my life who ever unequivocally loved me, died of a heart attack brought on by chemotherapy. My father died of cancer. Death is senseless.<\/p>\n

I\u2019m carrying a lot of grief right now. Dave\u2019s death brought him to the forefront of my mind, and I grew angry again at things that passed between us. Then I grew angry because he was no longer here to be angry at. I\u2019m angry because no one should die a horrible death because of cancer, but particularly someone so young. Dave was 27. My dad was only 52. My grandmother was only 61. I\u2019m angry because I miss my grandmother, because if she were alive I could turn to her for love and support. I\u2019m angry because Dave\u2019s death dredges up the feelings of losing my father and grandmother.<\/p>\n

I don\u2019t know anything about Aurora. I don\u2019t know how to offer appropriate expressions of sympathy for something so devastating. I don\u2019t even know how to process my own grief. So I watch Grey\u2019s Anatomy<\/em>, and that helps me cry. It gives me an outlet. It gives me relief.<\/p>\n

I hope everyone in Aurora finds an outlet, a safe place, a trigger even, that helps them express their grief. Not just for today, or for the next week. For decades to come. Grief doesn\u2019t go away completely. My grandmother died 24 years ago in 1988. I was six years old. I really miss her today. I miss her so much it hurts. When I was small and defenseless, she was my safe place. I still need space to grieve for her.<\/p>\n

I wish everyone touched by Aurora safe space to grieve. I wish them a lifetime of knowing and finding safe and comforting ways of grieving. Blame and gossip and drama may be the current hot topic, but it is the grief that will last. May you find safe space to express your grief.<\/p>\n<\/body><\/html>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"