If any of you have ever been a devotee of a goddess of love (or lust, as the case may be\u2026), you will have a decent understanding of how kooky my life can sometimes get.\u00a0 For the rest of you, let me say \u2013 being Freya\u2019s has interesting side-effects.\u00a0 For example, if you are lead to do something that may be detrimental to what you<\/em> consider your love life, and you don\u2019t do it\u2026well, you may find yourself doing it anyway, in a highly convoluted manner.\u00a0 I don\u2019t find Freya to be a particularly forceful personality, but she is persistent and insistent, and in my life, she always gets her way in the end.\u00a0 Sometimes with strange consequences.\u00a0 (There is a reason that my relationships today are open relationships.\u00a0 It helps tremendously, with cutting down on some of the unintended side-effects from doing Freya\u2019s work.)<\/p>\n After a year of being in my Kindred, a few things happened all at once, in my life.\u00a0 I broke up with my boyfriend B. (also a Kindred member; yes, it got awkward, to say the least), came out of the closet as queer to the general public, and began dating a woman.\u00a0 Not long after, I had my first devastating break-up, with that woman.\u00a0 All these things led me to a very bad part of my life, and a quasi-breakdown.<\/p>\n However, Freya had plans for me.\u00a0 One of the Kindred men, C., had his eye on me.\u00a0 I did not know this, at first.\u00a0 C. invited me to go camping with him, solo, and I agreed, to get out of my own head.\u00a0 We went camping.\u00a0 We ended up having sex.\u00a0 C. was worried about my emotional and mental state after that weekend, but he lived far away from me, so he told a few Kindred members who lived in my town to please keep an eye on me.\u00a0 They wondered why in the hell C. would know anything about my mental state.<\/p>\n Then, the crap hit the proverbial fan.<\/p>\n Now, before I get to the crap-slinging part, let me fill you in on some key details.\u00a0 First, unknown to me at the time, there had been one (if not several) Kindred members who was referring to me as a \u201cgenetic dead end,\u201d since I was dating a woman (never mind the fact that we had several sterile men and women in the same Kindred).\u00a0 They were very negative about my sexual orientation being anything other than straight, although they did not say this to my face.\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 Especially since my sexuality is fluid, I can only imagine they thought I was refusing to be with the males in the Kindred to spite them or something, which was far from the case.\u00a0 Second, the man I\u2019d had sex with, C., was married.\u00a0 This I did know.<\/p>\n I know we all have complicated and possibly very emotional opinions on whether or not it is okay for spouses to have sex outside of their marriage.\u00a0 I lay these facts out, not to \u201cdefend\u201d myself in this situation, but to be very clear about exactly what happened in this particular circumstance.<\/p>\n A.\u00a0 C. had been having issues with his spouse for years, the main issue being that he was Heathen, and his wife was Christian, and very upset that he was trying to influence his children with the Heathen religion.\u00a0 She would not let them have anything to do with the Kindred.\u00a0 He tried anyway; I know they fought about this regularly.\u00a0 C. was considering divorce.<\/p>\n B.\u00a0 During the camping weekend, we had sex once.\u00a0 Before, during, and after sex, C. was speaking about his wife.\u00a0 I spent a good majority of the weekend playing devils\u2019 advocate regarding C.\u2019s opinion of his wife\u2019s behavior, and asking him to reconsider his preconceived notions of her behavior.\u00a0 In essence, I argued her side, although I did not find either of them to be completely in the right or in the wrong.<\/p>\n C.\u00a0 This couple, as far as I am aware, is still married.\u00a0 They were, the last time I spoke with C.\u00a0 I sincerely believe that my presence that weekend helped C. reevaluate his life, and his marriage, in a positive way.<\/p>\n Now, let me be very clear about where I stand on this issue.\u00a0 I don\u2019t \u201cblame\u201d Freya for any bad decision or one-night-stand that I might later regret.\u00a0 I do not invoke Freya\u2019s name in this lightly.\u00a0 I do not always believe that having sex outside of your marriage is an okay thing to do; nor do I believe it is a necessarily wrong thing to do.\u00a0 But in this case, I truly believe that Freya influenced this situation.\u00a0 I believe C. would likely have had sex with someone else, if not me, outside his marriage; he was frustrated and feeling very under-appreciated.\u00a0\u00a0 I believe the fact that I was Heathen and the fact that I knew both C. and his wife was instrumental in letting me question what was really happening in his relationship \u2013 whether C. really wanted to get a divorce, or whether there was a way to resolve some of their issues.\u00a0 Do I believe that Freya\u2019s hand was the reason all this happened?\u00a0 Absolutely.\u00a0 I think it was worth it, too.\u00a0 But, as I said, sometimes there are unintended consequences that come along, when doing Freya\u2019s work.<\/p>\n When the other Kindred members found out what had happened, the entire Kindred was whipped into an uproar.\u00a0 There was talk of kicking me out immediately.\u00a0 One of my best female friends, U., was also in the Kindred, and she stuck up for me.\u00a0 (For this, and other imagined wrongs, U. was eventually kicked out of the Kindred, but that is another story.)\u00a0 Another male friend of mine, S., also stuck up for me, so it was arranged that the Kindred had an emergency meeting in order to deal with the fall-out of the situation, instead of kicking me out without even letting me have a say.<\/p>\n We met.\u00a0 In essence, I was slut-shamed.\u00a0 One of the married women pulled me aside and gave me a talking-to that basically blamed me for the entire situation.\u00a0 She said I had disrespected her own marriage.\u00a0 She said a lot of things.\u00a0 I was forced to defend myself against most of the Kindred, those who were at the meeting.\u00a0 I was made to apologize, publicly.\u00a0 C. did not receive any disciplinary action, as far as I am aware.\u00a0 He was there for all of this, no doubt as vastly uncomfortable as I was.\u00a0 C. did probably make an apology, but I know that in no way was he grossly humiliated in the way that I was, in front of my Kindred.\u00a0 C. did also personally apologize to me later, for dragging us into the entire mess.\u00a0 It\u2019s not<\/strong> that he let me take all the blame \u2013 it\u2019s that all the blame, from other members of the Kindred, was directed onto me, instead of both of us.\u00a0 Probably because I was single, and definitely because I was a woman, and I \u201cshould have known better.\u201d\u00a0 (Go here for more information on slut-shaming<\/strong>:\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 http:\/\/www.feministing.com\/archives\/021069.html.\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 Read into the body of the article for a better understanding; it\u2019s not a perfect definition, but you\u2019ll get the general idea.)<\/p>\n I am sad to say that many members of the Kindred broke away from the group, because of this situation.\u00a0 My female friend U. and I both left, for starters.\u00a0 I felt too uncomfortable to stay, and she was kicked out.\u00a0 The man who defended us both, S., left out of disgust at the entire situation.\u00a0 C. left, for personal reasons.\u00a0 I don\u2019t know the rest of his side of the story.\u00a0 I hope he is still together with his wife, but I don\u2019t know.<\/p>\n I\u2019ve spent a lot of time thinking about this situation.\u00a0 It happened 5 years ago.\u00a0 I am not in contact with the Kindred that essentially abandoned me.\u00a0 I do hear about them from time to time, but none of them have tried to contact me.\u00a0 I have found this whole thing to be heartbreaking, shocking, sad, and angering.\u00a0 I don\u2019t believe what happened was fair, to any of us who became involved.\u00a0 I certainly believe the \u201cunruly\u201d females, U. and I, were punished the most.\u00a0 I have plenty of problems with this.<\/p>\n For starters, I found that the Kindred\u2019s reaction came from a very oddly Christian moral standpoint.\u00a0 (I am pretty sure the word \u201csin\u201d was mentioned.)\u00a0 It felt as if I\u2019d done something wrong in a church and was being shamed for it.\u00a0 I\u2019m not bashing Christianity here, so much as I\u2019m saying that if I\u2019d agreed with those moral standpoints, I would have stayed in the Christian church, not spent considerable time and effort becoming Heathen.\u00a0 Not once was there mention of a judicial process that was in line with our beliefs as Heathens.\u00a0 It was an even greater insult that everyone who backed me up was also vilified in this situation.<\/p>\n My goal here is not to bash a particular Kindred, as much as ask the question:\u00a0 how much conflicting morality are we bringing with us from former religions?\u00a0 Is this a good or bad thing?\u00a0 What can we do about it?\u00a0 Kindreds tend to be our chosen family.\u00a0 But how much power should we give them, when it comes to them judging our personal life?\u00a0 What I found particularly telling in this situation, is that no one in my former Kindred even asked me why<\/em> I did what I did.\u00a0 If asked, I certainly would have explained my beliefs that this was something that Freya had led me to do, and explained the situation.\u00a0 I have always found it particularly frustrating, and saddening, that I never had the chance to say that, so that they could think about the ramifications of being led by the gods.<\/p>\n The other local Kindreds did not necessarily agree with my former Kindred\u2019s decision.\u00a0 In fact, another Kindred disagreed very much, and tried to bring me into their fold.\u00a0 They welcomed me, at a time when I felt very unwanted by the Heathen community, and I owe them so much for helping me through a very rough time.\u00a0 No doubt I would have become a member, had I not moved across the country a few months later.\u00a0 They even invited me to their Yule, and helped me get there, since it was far away.\u00a0 Below, a picture from Yule 2006, where I was welcomed with open arms, by Osprey Bay Kindred.\u00a0 Me, in front of the Yule Wreath, in a dress the Chieftain\u2019s wife made for me:<\/p>\n
![\"\"](\"https:\/\/wp.patheos.com\/community\/paganportal\/files\/2010\/06\/im-so-adorable-in-a-dress1-226x300.jpg\")
<\/a><\/p>\n