{"id":1133,"date":"2012-11-22T07:52:15","date_gmt":"2012-11-22T14:52:15","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/paperbacktheology\/?p=1133"},"modified":"2012-11-22T07:53:22","modified_gmt":"2012-11-22T14:53:22","slug":"eat-the-turkey-not-each-other-how-to-survive-thanksgiving-dinner-a-great-article-by-my-friend-marty-troyer","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/paperbacktheology\/2012\/11\/eat-the-turkey-not-each-other-how-to-survive-thanksgiving-dinner-a-great-article-by-my-friend-marty-troyer.html","title":{"rendered":"Eat the Turkey, not each other: How to survive Thanksgiving dinner – A Great Article by my friend Marty Troyer"},"content":{"rendered":"\n<\/head>

Marty Troyer gives some great insight as to why family thanksgivings can be so difficult for some, and how to handle it. Here\u2019s an excerpt from his article in the Houston Chronicle<\/a>:<\/p>\n

\u201c\u2026you\u2019re getting ready for hours of extroverted time with people who believe differently, vote differently, function differently, parent differently, eat differently, relax differently, entertain differently, pray differently, and expect differently than you do. Let\u2019s face it, we like our routines, and Thanksgiving is nothing if not unusual. It\u2019s not that we don\u2019t love these people, we\u2019re just not used to interacting with them. And most aren\u2019t used to dealing with conflict daily. Which means Thursday is as ripe for anxiety as it is for giving thanks. \u00a0From my experience with FaithWalking, here\u2019s how to eat the turkey and not each other.<\/p>\n

Remember that anxiety is contagious<\/strong>, but you don\u2019t have to pass it on. Everyone at table Thursday is connected, and each person\u2019s anxiety can and will ripple throughout the room. For instance, if the turkey isn\u2019t done on time the host may visibly or emotionally vibrate with anxiety. You have a choice to conduct that energy, or to soak it up and allow it to stop with you. Easier perhaps when its a turkey than when dad flips out over your election vote, but the principle is the same. Choose to absorb, not conduct, the anxiety in the room. And pay attention to your own anxiety (clinched fists, tightened back, drooping posture, etc\u2026) so that you can be its master and not the other way around.<\/p>\n

Be gracious with people\u2019s blind spots.<\/strong> Old roles and patterns of behavior may be on full display, as family reunions have a tendency to call out the best and worst of ourselves. And much that you will see and experience will be blind to those who are saying and doing it. The image to the right explains this well. When your awareness of someone\u2019s behavior exceeds their awareness of their own behavior, you have a lot of power! Use it well. Yes, you can predict who will explode and leave the table (like always). No, your parents still don\u2019t want your financial advice no matter how brilliant. This is not the time to bring up personality traits, point out glaring weaknesses, or say anything that includes \u201cyou always!\u201d or \u201cyou never!\u201d Yes, you can see it as plain as day, but if they haven\u2019t been transformed in the last 30 years, don\u2019t expect it to happen today.<\/p>\n

Say what is so for you, but take a learning posture.<\/strong>\u00a0In other words, be civil. I love the definition of civility from Tomas Spath, \u201cCivility<\/a>\u00a0is claiming and caring for one\u2019s identity, needs and beliefs without degrading someone else\u2019s in the process.\u201d \u00a0 Speak the truth, tell your story and don\u2019t let anyone run all over you. The Jesus ethic does not demand you loose arguments. Honesty is essential. But so is granting others the same amount of respect you desire. Don\u2019t in any way hide your beliefs, but at the same time stay engaged with those you disagree with. Taking a learning, rather than a \u201cteaching\u201d posture, can often diffuse the anxiety and shows respect for those around the table, even if you experience them as \u201cenemies.\u201d<\/p>\n

If insults start to fly, just take it.<\/strong>\u00a0Of course you\u2019re right, you\u2019re absolutely right! Doesn\u2019t matter what you\u2019re right about (ObamaCare, Benghazi, the ridiculousness of a\u00a0Red Dawn<\/em>remake) just shut up and take it anyway. Why? Because your relationship with these crazy people is more important than being right. Trust me on this one, it doesn\u2019t matter who wins the argument, you\u2019re family. You can\u2019t control what anyone else will say or do, but you can control your own actions and anxiety. We are, after all, people who claim not only to \u201cbelieve in\u201d Jesus, but people who actually\u00a0believe<\/em>\u00a0him when he lays out for us a strategy of non-retribution for the healing of both the human heart and the world community.\u00a0So if you\u2019re insulted, don\u2019t insult in return.<\/a><\/p>\n

Finally,\u00a0Apologize and forgive.<\/strong><\/strong>\u00a0Whether you\u2019ve been the one who pushed too far or they were, Jesus tells us in Matthew it\u2019s our responsibility to initiate reconciliation. Cool off first, eat some pie, watch the second half, whatever. But say the words. Make it right. There\u2019s a reason we leave dessert for last, it covers a multitude of sins.\u00a0And, if by chance you learn something important about conflict, come back here Friday and let us all know what it is! \u201c<\/p><\/blockquote>\n<\/body><\/html>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Marty Troyer gives some great insight as to why family thanksgivings can be so difficult for some, and how to handle it. Here\u2019s an excerpt from his article in the Houston Chronicle: \u201c\u2026you\u2019re getting ready for hours of extroverted time with people who believe differently, vote differently, function differently, parent differently, eat differently, relax differently, […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1118,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[1],"tags":[213,214],"class_list":["post-1133","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-uncategorized","tag-marty-troyer","tag-thanksgiving"],"yoast_head":"\nEat the Turkey, not each other: How to survive Thanksgiving dinner - A Great Article by my friend Marty Troyer<\/title>\n<meta name=\"description\" content=\"Marty Troyer gives some great insight as to why family thanksgivings can be so difficult for some, and how to handle it. 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