{"id":2434,"date":"2013-10-31T09:21:20","date_gmt":"2013-10-31T15:21:20","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/paperbacktheology\/?p=2434"},"modified":"2013-10-31T09:21:20","modified_gmt":"2013-10-31T15:21:20","slug":"the-power-of-self-compassion","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/paperbacktheology\/2013\/10\/the-power-of-self-compassion.html","title":{"rendered":"The Power of Self-Compassion"},"content":{"rendered":"\n<\/head>

<\/iframe>\n<\/p>I\u2019ve seen this video pop up on Facebook over the past few days. The headline reads, \u201cThese Kids Finally Say What They Really Think About Mom. And Her Reaction? Priceless.\u201d I\u2019ve resisted watching it because I was sure that it would be sentimental emotional manipulation. I finally clicked on it today because it was posted by a person I know to be fairly non-sentamental, and was pleasantly surprised. The clip is a little sentimental, but mostly I think the headline is misleading. This video is really about our chronic lack of self-compassion.<\/p>\nI wish we could all compare our self talk to the way those who love us talk about us; to see in start contrast the way we view ourselves and the way we are viewed; to listen to the disparity between the way we run ourselves down and assume the worst about ourselves, compared with the loving and caring way that those who are most important to us talk about us.<\/p>\nWe are really hard on ourselves, and I\u2019m not sure we even realize what an incredible impact this has upon our lives.<\/p>\nBrene Brown has taught me lots of things, and in my opinion the most important is that you can split the world roughly into 2 groups: 1) people who feel a healthy sense of love & belonging, and 2) those who don\u2019t. The first group lives a much more happy, content, and wholehearted life than the second group. You know what the difference is between those two camps? It\u2019s not divorce, drug use, abuse, economic troubles, education, religion, or anything like that\u2026 in fact the two groups are identical except for one thing. The first group \u2013 those who feel a healthy sense of love & belonging \u2013 simply believe that they are worthy<\/em> of it. Those who don\u2019t experience love and belonging don\u2019t believe they are worthy of those things. The difference is worthiness<\/em>.<\/p>\nHow will we ever feel a sense of worthiness if we are so constantly down on ourselves?<\/p>\nChristianity has often exacerbated this problem by beginning the Christian story from Genesis 3 instead of Genesis 1. We start by telling everyone they are depraved sinners destined for the pit of hell. It\u2019s an odd tack, given the fact that Jesus\u2019s most radical teaching was that we are all precious children of God, adopted in God\u2019s family, and that we can call God \u201cFather.\u201d As Rich Mullins used to say, it\u2019s impossible for God to love you any more than God already does, because he loves you completely. Jesus isn\u2019t a token meant to pay God or pay the devil. Jesus is how much God\u2019s heart bends toward you.<\/p>\nLately I\u2019ve had some experiences in which I\u2019ve had my self-talk reflected by to me by friends and teachers. They\u2019ve pointed out my own lack of generosity toward myself, and the way I paint myself in unfriendly hues. I too often narrate my own personality in negative terms. I am much more likely to have compassion for other people than for myself.<\/p>\nI recently read a quote by Christopher Gerner that says, \u201cA moment of self-compassion can change your entire day. A string of such moments can change the course of your life.\u201d I think he\u2019s right.<\/p>\nOne of the rules we have instituted at the Suttle household is no name calling<\/em>. We are not allowed to call each other harsh names, and we are not allowed to call ourselves names either. As this simple rule began to work its way into our family dynamic, I realized how often I called myself a \u201cfrickin-moron.\u201d My name for myself \u2013 the name by which I knew myself, more often than not, was \u201cfrickin-moron.\u201d That\u2019s not self-compassion. That\u2019s self-contempt. So names are of the table. We can still identify bad behavior, but with a subtle shift. I\u2019m not an idiot. I\u2019m a good guy who did an idiotic thing. The difference between those two things is the difference between worthiness and unworthiness.<\/p>\nThis isn\u2019t easy. In fact I am convinced that it takes much more courage to be good to yourself than it does to be hard on yourself. Self-compassion takes courage, because it means we have to show up and be ourselves. We can\u2019t hide behind self-deprecating humor, and lower expectations through liturgies of self-doubt and self-loathing.<\/p>\nPerhaps the lack of self-compassion in our society is connected to the ways in which we refuse to have compassion on one another. If we all were a little more kind to ourselves, maybe we would be a little more kind to each other. Toward the end of the video, one mom says, \u201cI always seem to focus mostly on the negative\u2026 and I guess I can walk out of here and say I\u2019m doing something great.\u201d My guess is that she spent the rest of her day with a keen ability to be good to those around her. I think we all need a little more of this in our lives. I know I do.<\/p>\nThink about your self-talk. Think about the names you call yourself and others. Remember that self-compassion most truly reflects God\u2019s heart toward us all.<\/p>\n<\/body><\/html>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"I\u2019ve seen this video pop up on Facebook over the past few days. The headline reads, \u201cThese Kids Finally Say What They Really Think About Mom. And Her Reaction? Priceless.\u201d I\u2019ve resisted watching it because I was sure that it would be sentimental emotional manipulation. I finally clicked on it today because it was posted […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1118,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[1],"tags":[623,801,802],"class_list":["post-2434","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-uncategorized","tag-brene-brown","tag-christopher-gerner","tag-self-compassion"],"yoast_head":"\n<title>The Power of Self-Compassion<\/title>\n<meta name=\"description\" content=\"I\u2019ve seen this video pop up on Facebook over the past few days. The headline reads, \u201cThese Kids Finally Say What They Really Think About Mom. 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