{"id":3522,"date":"2014-09-10T05:58:16","date_gmt":"2014-09-10T11:58:16","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/admin.patheos.com\/blogs\/paperbacktheology\/?p=3522"},"modified":"2014-09-10T05:58:16","modified_gmt":"2014-09-10T11:58:16","slug":"the-shift-from-hostility-to-hospitality-can-change-the-world","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/paperbacktheology\/2014\/09\/the-shift-from-hostility-to-hospitality-can-change-the-world.html","title":{"rendered":"The SHIFT from Hostility to Hospitality Can Change the World"},"content":{"rendered":"\n<\/head>

\"2014.08.24<\/a><\/strong><\/p>\n

When I hear the word hospitality, I immediately think of the\u00a0hotel industry. The word has many associations in our society. Good service at your favorite restaurant, friends for dinner, your mom or grandmother, hospitality can mean many things to us. But I don\u2019t think I realized until seminary that it holds a very specific theological meaning.<\/p>\n

Hospitality is a word that theologians have come to use in order to describe something that is deeply imbedded in the gospel story. It\u2019s not always spelled out in the scriptures, but it\u2019s always there. Not hospitality as in receiving company, but hospitality as a posture in which we make space in our lives to \u201cwelcome otherness in all of its forms.\u201d<\/strong> Other people, ideas, races, genders, nationalities, & ideologies\u2026 hospitality is making space for those things, welcoming them. It\u2019s a posture of receiving\u2014 that is relational.<\/p>\n

All throughout the scripture this is a HUGE question: \u201cTo whom should we extend our hospitality as the people of God? (or not).\u201d Sometimes YHWH treated them like children\u2014restrict friendships. Sometimes he\u2019d push them to extend hospitality to everyone.<\/p>\n

Now, hospitality seems obvious\u2014but it\u2019s incredibly difficult to do, in part because there\u2019s a twist to making space for otherness in all its forms. Because some of its forms are annoying!
\nI mean, everybody\u2019s a little bit crazy at one time or another. Sometimes they bring their crazy to your front door!<\/p>\n

Remember those Dave & Buster\u2019s commercial\u2019s where a guy would pick up his girlfriend for a date & he brings his fun? Watch this & see if it rings a bell.<\/p>\n

So imagine folks showing up in your life not with their \u201cfun\u201d but with their \u201ccrazy.\u201d Hospitality is finding a way to accommodate it. So it\u2019s nearly always inconvenient. So hospitality isn\u2019t just having friends you enjoy over for dinner. Hospitality also involves \u201cwelcoming an otherness we didn\u2019t choose.\u201d<\/strong><\/p>\n

You don\u2019t get to choose who God will bring into your life & ask you to show kindness & hospitality to.<\/p>\n

And, even the ones you do get to choose, like your spouse\u2026 a couple years in you\u2019re inevitably thinking \u201cwhere\u2019d this crazy person come from?\u201d And, by the way, they\u2019re thinking the exact same thing about you.<\/p>\n

Hospitality cannot be practiced on our own terms. Hospitality \u201cnearly always cost something we don\u2019t want to give.\u201d<\/strong> We will have to make space for someone else\u2019s crazy. Our scripture for today is one of the most famous stories of hospitality in the bible.1 Kings 17, starting in verse 1<\/p>\n

1\u00a0Now Elijah the Tishbite, of Tishbe in Gilead, said to Ahab, \u201cAs the Lord the God of Israel lives, before whom I stand, there shall be neither dew nor rain these years, except by my word.\u201d 2\u00a0The word of the Lord came to him, saying, 3\u00a0\u201cGo from here and turn eastward, and hide yourself by the Wadi Cherith, which is east of the Jordan. 4\u00a0You shall drink from the wadi, and I have commanded the ravens to feed you there.\u201d<\/p>\n

5\u00a0So he went and did according to the word of the Lord; he went and lived by the Wadi Cherith, which is east of the Jordan. 6\u00a0The ravens brought him bread and meat in the morning, and bread and meat in the evening; and he drank from the wadi. 7\u00a0But after a while the wadi dried up, because there was no rain in the land. 8\u00a0Then the word of the Lord came to him, saying, 9\u00a0\u201cGo now to Zarephath, which belongs to Sidon, and live there; for I have commanded a widow there to feed you.\u201d 10\u00a0So he set out and went to Zarephath. When he came to the gate of the town, a widow was there gathering sticks; he called to her and said, \u201cBring me a little water in a vessel, so that I may drink.\u201d<\/p>\n

11\u00a0As she was going to bring it, he called to her and said, \u201cBring me a morsel of bread in your hand.\u201d 12\u00a0But she said, \u201cAs the Lord your God lives, I have nothing baked, only a handful of meal in a jar, and a little oil in a jug; I am now gathering a couple of sticks, so that I may go home and prepare it for myself and my son, that we may eat it, and die.\u201d13\u00a0Elijah said to her, \u201cDo not be afraid; go and do as you have said; but first make me a little cake of it and bring it to me, and afterwards make something for yourself and your son. 14\u00a0For thus says the Lord the God of Israel: The jar of meal will not be emptied and the jug of oil will not fail until the day that the Lord sends rain on the earth.\u201d<\/p>\n

15\u00a0She went and did as Elijah said, so that she as well as he and her household ate for many days. 16\u00a0The jar of meal was not emptied, neither did the jug of oil fail, according to the word of the Lord that he spoke by Elijah.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Israel had been living in the Promised Land for quite some time when Ahab became the\u00a0king. He was not faithful to God. Not only was he leading the people astray in their worship, he went and married a pagan woman, Jezebel, and he bankrolled her worship of pagan gods.\u00a0So God was not pleased with Ahab & sent Elijah to tell him about it. Elijah said, \u201cYWHW\u2019s is displeased w\/you & is sending a drought.\u201d<\/p>\n

And then God says to Elijah, \u201cPssst, Elijah\u2026 you better run. Hide out by the Wadi Cherith.\u201d\u00a0This is Elijah\u2019s home region so he\u2019s got friends, & it\u2019s familiar to him. But what makes it interesting is the detail \u201cEast of the Jordan.\u201d God sends Elijah across the Jordan, out of the Promised Land. The Wadi Cherith is back in the wilderness where they came from.<\/p>\n

Then comes the plot twist\u2014the Wadi dries up & Elijah\u2019s sent to Zarephath. Now this move is even more odd. For one thing, Zarephath is in Sidon, which is where Jezebel\u2019s from. In fact, Jezebel\u2019s father is the king of Sidon, it\u2019s where she grew up\u2014it\u2019s densely populated, they are all pagans. I mean, this is not an easy place for a Jewish prophet to hide out.<\/p>\n

So, one begins to see that the moves God has Elijah making here all have some sort of symbolic meaning. For instance: It says Elijah was fed by ravens. This is odd. For one thing, ravens are considered unclean. You don\u2019t eat from ravens. For another thing, ravens are birds of prey.\u00a0Usually birds of prey are a sign of judgment (they peck eyes out & steal food). But God sends ravens to care for Elijah.<\/p>\n

Another part of the story w\/symbolic meaning is that the Wadi Cherith dries up. This explains why God moved Elijah out of the Promised Land. In the ancient world gods were attached to the land. And this land that he sent Elijah to belongs to Baal. Baal is the rain god; he has 1 task: keep the spigot running. So God sends Elijah off to the land of Baal during the drought. But apparently Baal is not able to do his part. God has to do it for him\u2026<\/p>\n

So God sends Elijah to a widow. The poorest & most vulnerable people in the ancient world are widows. They\u2019re the 1st to die in times of drought. And this widow has a son to care for, makes it tougher. They don\u2019t have the resources to take care of Elijah. \u201cI have nothing baked, only a handful of meal in a jar, & a little oil in a jug; I am now gathering a couple of sticks, so that I may go home and prepare it for myself and my son, that we may eat it, and die.\u201d<\/p>\n

To really get the hospitality of this woman you have to put yourself in her place. Her life has not gone the way she hoped it would go. Her husband has died, and left her a son to feed & apparently no means with which to do it. She\u2019s getting ready to make a last meal before she watches her only son die of starvation. But when this widow who is on the verge of starving to death\u2014literally making her last meal\u2014is asked by God to show Elijah hospitality all she\u2019s given is some sketchy promise about how the last bit of oil & flour will spontaneously reproduce.<\/p>\n

I don\u2019t know about you but I believe I would react w\/some measure of hostility. But this widow extends hospitality to Elijah, feeds him. The next day she goes to look and there\u2019s still just a little oil & flour. And the next day, and the next day. Scholars say it could have been as long as 3 years.<\/p>\n

I\u2019m not sure I\u2019d be up for this. Seriously, if someone wanted to live off me for a few years & I was literally starving to death, I\u2019d say \u201cI\u2019m sorry, but I can\u2019t help you.\u201d<\/p>\n

But hospitality is like this: it can\u2019t be practiced on our own terms. True hospitality nearly always costs us something we don\u2019t want to give. Making space for otherness in all of its forms is Costly. Or it will deprive us in some way. Especially when we are barely making it already.<\/p>\n

\"2014.09.07<\/a>The problem is (and again this is what the Genesis story of Adam & Eve & the fracturing of those essential relationships is trying to describe), the problem is our natural bent is toward hostility\u00a0not hospitality.<\/p>\n

I wouldn\u2019t take in a complete stranger. Even less if it was a prophet of a foreign religion.Even less if I was a vulnerable widow w\/a son. Even less if we were about to starve. My reaction would probably not be hospitality; it would be more like hostility.<\/p>\n

This is exactly why God will continually call me back to a place of hospitality, right? Until I learn to not be hostile. Because those two things cannot live tougher in the same place\u2026 I\u2019ll need to learn to SHIFT.<\/p>\n

A few years back we studied this book as a church called A Good Life<\/em> by Robert Benson. We brought the author in to speak to the church. In that book he talks about the concept of \u201cNamaste,\u201d which comes from Eastern traditions. You clasp hands, bow to another person and say Namaste.<\/p>\n

Benson says what that practice means is: \u201cThe part of the living God that lives and breathes in me, bows in reverence before the part of the living God that lives and breathes in you.\u201d P53 He points out this is a deeply Christian idea\u2026this awareness that God has made his home in your heart. I should have reverence for that (even when you bring your crazy). Namaste is a practice of recognition.<\/p>\n

So I taught this practice to my kids. We\u2019ve been doing this since they were really little. I wanted it to be a natural part of our day, so every time they\u2019d get out of the bath when they were little guy\u2019s, I\u2019d throw a towel around their shoulders & we\u2019d fold our hands and bow to one another & say Namaste. Lewis, my youngest, never stopped. Nick will do it now and then, but Lewis is like clockwork\u2026 every single night.<\/p>\n

Fast forward about 5 yrs. Lewis is an energetic & squirrely kid, and shower time is now lets see how far we can push dad until he snaps time. And I\u2019m not proud of it, but every now & then I become, shall we say, \u201chostile?\u201d I find myself saying things like, \u201cHurry up or I won\u2019t let you shower for a week, and you\u2019ll smell bad, and won\u2019t have any friends.\u201d (don\u2019t say this to your children<\/p>\n

The problem is this. Every time I lose my temper and grouse at my son, he gets out of the shower. Then I throw a towel around him & we have to bow to one another & say Namaste.<\/p>\n

I think perhaps that little segment of my life has taught me more about hostility & hospitality than anything. Hostility & hospitality can\u2019t really exist together in the same place\u2014that\u2019s a kind of polarity\u2014they repel one another. If I\u2019ve just been hostile, I have to apologize 1st, then I can say \u201cNamaste.\u201d<\/p>\n

This is the thing about hospitality. Hostility is really about Kingdom. It\u2019s about control. It\u2019s connected to our own desire to rule\u2014that\u2019s Kingdom. Remember, a kingdom is the range of the king\u2019s effective will. Where what the king wants to happen is what happens is the king\u2019s kingdom. And when our lives crash into other lives (as they do). We have to make space for all kinds of otherness\u2014some crazy. And we don\u2019t get to choose what kind of otherness it is.
\nThat would be control, right? If I keep control over who I offer hospitality to, that\u2019s not really hospitality at all that\u2019s just expanding my kingdom, I\u2019m still in control of that.<\/p>\n

\u201cHospitality is about what you do when your kingdom is invaded\u201d<\/strong> by someone else\u2014who brings their crazy. Then what are you going to do? Will you greet it with hostility or with hospitality. The Jesus move is to learn to greet the invasion w\/hospitality.<\/p>\n

Hospitality is only necessary, when your kingdom is being invaded. So we\u2019re not talking about legal immigration, but illegal immigration. This is when your daughter comes home pregnant. This is when your son says I\u2019m gay. This is when you marry with certain expectations, only to find this person brought in way more baggage than you knew about.<\/p>\n

Those things are invasions of our kingdom & we don\u2019t get to determine what kind of crazy we have to make space for. We don\u2019t get to do hospitality on our own terms. So when we face some kind of \u201cotherness\u201d that is a real inconvenience, or hits our basic prejudices or fears, then our natural tendency is to greet them with hostility, instead of hospitality.<\/p>\n

That is why hospitality is so deep down basic to the gospel. It seems to be God\u2019s plan to use this tension to help us grow & make the essential SHIFT we need to make from hostility toward each other, to hospitality.<\/p>\n

We\u2019ve talked about this before: that the only thing that really helps us to change and grow as human beings is TENSION or PAIN. If something hurts or we feel tension, then we might consider changing it\u2026 (but usually not before then).<\/p>\n

When someone in your life does something you don\u2019t like, their crazy comes out. Our natural tendency is to greet it w\/some kind of hostility. We introduce some kind of pain to the relationship. We punish them in some way\u2014to try and make them change.<\/p>\n

Now there are sometimes in life when this is fine. Parenting, early on is often like this. Some civic laws & systems are like this. But it\u2019s usually a limited range & for a limited time (and with limited results). So we can use small hostilities help change our kids\u2019 behavior, but if you do that w\/your spouse, you\u2019ll damage the relationship. If you do that w\/your employees, or your boss, or your neighbors it will go badly. So if we only know how to great \u201cotherness\u201d with hostility, it will begin to erode all of our relationships. This is an essential human problem.<\/p>\n

Early on in our marriage Kristin & I really struggled, and went to counseling for a long time. She had lots of problems she had to work through (it was me\u2026 I was the problem she had to work through . One of the first lessons our wise counselor taught us was, \u201cYou can\u2019t change your spouses behavior thru negative reinforcement\u2026 you can\u2019t use hostility to get your spouse to do what you want.\u201d I mean, you can, but it will destroy the relationship.<\/p>\n

Parents can get away w\/this when their kids are young, but as they grow older\u201415, 16, 17\u2014hostility becomes counterproductive. It won\u2019t change their behavior, they\u2019ll check out \/ or leave. It will destroy the relationship.<\/p>\n

There are many parents whose children went down a path they don\u2019t agree with.
\nParents greeted their children with hostility. Eventually it arrested the relationship. If we want to keep our relationships, we have to learn Hospitality\u2026 giving them room to make own choices & their own mistakes.<\/p>\n

Now, this will sometimes feel like we are compromising our beliefs. Like we are giving into something that isn\u2019t true so we should stand up for what we know is right. But think about your own life. How many arguments have you had defending something back then, that today you no longer believe? I have lots. What if my family\/friends would\u2019ve been hostile in those moments? I\u2019m sure it felt like compromising to just listen & say \u201cwe\u2019ll see.\u201d (I remember my mom & dad making that move a lot: \u201cwe\u2019ll see.\u201d That\u2019s a move of great hospitality.)<\/p>\n

I once heard Richard Rohr say that love (and I think hospitality is a form a love), love is about giving up a little bit of your own truth for the sake of relationship. And we do this trusting God that the relationship will teach us a deeper truth than that thing to which we were holding so tightly.<\/p>\n

That\u2019s the wisdom of hospitality.<\/p>\n

If we\u2019ll give up our personal truth, our need to be right, so that we can love each other & stay in relationship, then that relationship, that move of hospitality, will teach us a truth that is even more fundamental than the one that caused us a problem in the 1st place. That\u2019s a move of deep hospitality we can only make if we trust in God.<\/p>\n

Now, you can name the issue they are having\u2014which is an important part of hospitality; you want to tell them what you see. It\u2019s like eating with a friend who has food stuck in their teeth.\u00a0A friend says, \u201cHey, you got a little shmutz there\u2026\u201d That\u2019s an act of hospitality; but you don\u2019t end the friendship. You don\u2019t say, \u201cwipe your mouth or you are dead to me.\u201d<\/p>\n

And the belief is that this kind of hospitality has the power to help us all to grow and change\u2026 which means it has to introduce tension somehow. So, here\u2019s how it works.<\/p>\n

If I bring my crazy into a relationship with you. And you greet me not w\/hostility, but w\/hospitality, then I will experience that as love; because it is love. You are laying down your life for a friend. Jesus called that the greatest kind of love. If you make space for me, even though I brought my crazy, I will experience that as love. And unless there\u2019s some kind of mental or emotional illness, I\u2019ll love you back.<\/p>\n

That\u2019s where the tension comes in\u2014cause I love you now, but I know I\u2019m hurting you\u2026 my crazy is causing you pain in some way. And that will cause me tension\/pain. And this is the tension I need to feel in order to change & grow. But you\u2019ve done this through hospitality (not hostility).<\/p>\n

This, by the way, is exactly what Jesus did on the cross\u2026 making space for our crazy w\/in the very life of God; redeeming the world not through hostility by hospitality.<\/p>\n

God is trying to use our relationships with other people to help us grow & change\u2014really to help us to be saved, to experience God\u2019s salvation.<\/p>\n

This is one of the reasons it\u2019s simply impossible to be a Christian w\/out being part of the church. We need someone to love us even though we are crazy sometimes. We need to have these relationships with all kinds of natural tensions & pain that God can use to try & help us grow & change.<\/p>\n

Part of why we come together as a church is to learn the rudiments of hospitality, the basic motions of \u201cwelcoming otherness in all of its forms.\u201d We do this as we learn to make space for one another. And sometimes we band together to practice hospitality together. This is part of why having Via meeting here is so important. It\u2019s why what Mandy & her compassion teams and volunteers organize for us is so important for us. These are chances for us to practice communal hospitality.<\/p>\n

This Strengthening Families thing that we are working toward, this is an act of radical hospitality, a chance to welcome people into our community\u2026 people whose lives are not working out like they planned, and to greet them not w\/hostility, but with hospitality.<\/p>\n

But this will teach us the motions of hospitality that is essential to healing the broken ways in which we relate to one another.<\/p>\n

And even more than that\u2026 \u201cHospitality\u00a0is how we see God.\u201d<\/strong><\/p>\n

Abraham Joshua Heschel wrote this great book called God in Search of Man, which is considered one of the great Jewish works of the 20th century. He says that we don\u2019t search for God, not really. God is searching for us. And the people in this life who will really see God, are the ones who prepare themselves for his presence.<\/p>\n

\u201cWhere is the presence, where is the glory of God to be found?\u201d he asks. \u201cIt is found in the world (\u201cthe whole earth is full of his glory\u201d), in the Bible, and in the sacred deed.\u201d<\/p>\n

That\u2019s hospitality\u2026 it is a sacred deed.<\/p>\n

And when we practice hospitality, we prepare ourselves for his presence. When we engage in the sacred deed, we enter into the presence of God. That\u2019s how we are saved. That\u2019s how we are made new & redeemed & restored.<\/p>\n<\/body><\/html>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

When I hear the word hospitality, I immediately think of the\u00a0hotel industry. The word has many associations in our society. Good service at your favorite restaurant, friends for dinner, your mom or grandmother, hospitality can mean many things to us. But I don\u2019t think I realized until seminary that it holds a very specific theological […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1118,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[1],"tags":[1134,388,1135,1133,1136],"class_list":["post-3522","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-uncategorized","tag-1-kings-17","tag-hospitality","tag-hostility","tag-longform","tag-robert-benson"],"yoast_head":"\nThe SHIFT from Hostility to Hospitality Can Change the World<\/title>\n<meta name=\"description\" content=\"When I hear the word hospitality, I immediately think of the\u00a0hotel industry. 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