Permission to Live 
This was originally published June of 2011. I’ve also included an excerpt from a post I wrote the year before that. Words can’t fully explain how life-changing it was for me to begin to see my children as people, not sinful rebellious little beings I must force into compliance. Recognizing that how I was parenting was wrong, forced me to acknowledge that how I was parented had harmed me. My desire to parent my children gently, was the fuel that pushed… Read more
October 11, 2014
Re-Post: Rights of a Child
October 11, 2014 By Melissa
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This post was originally published August 2011. It was part of my reaction to Michael Farris’ creating a “parent’s rights” amendment and proposing to amend our constitution. It was a big realization for me that the parent is not sacred, that they do not always know what is best for their child, and sometimes they need help. It helped me to take a step toward freedom from the weight of my parents expectations of me, and also help me be less… Read more
October 10, 2014
Re-Post: I’m Not Afraid Anymore
This post was originally published November 2010. I had spent years trying to put on a good face, hide any issues I might have because it could be a “bad witness” to the redemption of Christ. This was one of the first times I talked openly about depression, and shortly after that got into counseling for the first time. 2011 ended up being a huge year of growth for me. I struggle with depression. There are several dark years in… Read more
October 9, 2014
Re-post: Never Good Enough
This post was originally published in August of 2010. It was the first time I said anything but positive things about the way I was raised. I remember being surprised that so many people responded with compassion and encouragement, I had been bracing myself for people to tell me I was being ungrateful and exaggerating, as had been my experience when I had questioned anything in the past. It was shortly after this that I spoke to my parents about… Read more
October 8, 2014
Breaking the Silence
October 8, 2014 By Melissa
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Cynthia Jeub telling her story brings up a lot for me. Memories. Memories of hiding in small dark places with my hands clamped firmly over my ears to try to block out the screams of a sibling who was being “disciplined.” Being isolated, and truly having no one to tell, no one to turn to for help. Memories of fear and shame and rage. Nightmares. Dreams where it all happens over again. That sick feeling in my stomach over not… Read more
July 4, 2014
“When The Christian Issue Comes Home”
July 4, 2014 By Melissa
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A close friend called to tell me that I had a new religion in the family. After nearly 20 years as a strong atheist-identified family, my family scratched one member off the list. “Have you heard about Jessica?” she asked. “She just announced on facebook that she’s a Christian.” The new Christian, it would seem, is my sister. My sister is 12 years younger than me, and grew up loving science and being a part of her girl scout troop…. Read more
July 3, 2014
Brave New Life: Part 6: Never the same, and that’s OK
July 3, 2014 By Melissa
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This post is part of a seven part series. To start with the introduction click here. We went to visit for the first time about a year after coming out, it had been almost 2 years since I had seen any of my younger siblings. It was so scary, knowing that just your existence caused so much drama makes it really nerve-wracking to voluntarily hang out. It makes you second guess each thing you say or do, worrying that something… Read more
June 27, 2014
Brave New Life: Part 5: Tolerance
June 27, 2014 By Melissa
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This post is part of a series, to start with the introduction, please click here. Mere weeks after the phone call that prompted the silence between me and my parents, I received a card from them for Haley and my wedding Anniversary, along with a beautiful queen size quilt. Any other time I would have been thrilled to get them, in the wake of our interaction it just made me feel confused. If they were this upset with me, and… Read more
June 6, 2014
Brave New Life: Part 4: An Overcast Summer
This post is part of a series, click here to start with the introduction. The grapevine raged and the news was spreading fast. Random people who hadn’t been in touch over the last 7 years suddenly sent us long involved email lectures on how wrong we were, and how much they cared about us, and how could we do this to people who cared about us? At first we tried to respond to them, answering their questions, and explaining as… Read more
May 30, 2014
Brave New Life: Part 3: The Other Shoe Drops
May 30, 2014 By Melissa
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This post is part of a series, click here to start with the introduction. We’d been putting in applications for weeks and not having much luck. It wasn’t really surprising, after growing up the way I did, and then having 4 kids I had basically no resume, and Haley’s was entirely ministerial stuff and we couldn’t exactly list them as a reference. We were also in the middle of changing addresses on everything, and getting all of our other paperwork… Read more
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