Discipline without Fear<\/title>\n<meta name=\"description\" content=\"We were at the grocery store, and it wasn\u2019t the greatest day for Ms Drama. She did not want to sit in the cart, she wanted to walk. So she spent the\" \/>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" href=\"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/permissiontolive\/2011\/03\/discipline-without-fear.html\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"en_US\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"Discipline without Fear\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:description\" content=\"We were at the grocery store, and it wasn\u2019t the greatest day for Ms Drama. She did not want to sit in the cart, she wanted to walk. So she spent the\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:url\" content=\"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/permissiontolive\/2011\/03\/discipline-without-fear.html\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:site_name\" content=\"Permission to Live\" \/>\n<meta property=\"article:published_time\" content=\"2011-03-17T22:36:00+00:00\" \/>\n<meta property=\"article:modified_time\" content=\"2012-12-20T22:03:05+00:00\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:image\" content=\"https:\/\/lh4.googleusercontent.com\/-1Dx0MdPw6Po\/TYJ882E-Q_I\/AAAAAAAAAs0\/AsD4cgJknS0\/s320\/children-clip-art-12.jpg\" \/>\n<meta name=\"author\" content=\"Melissa\" \/>\n<meta name=\"twitter:card\" content=\"summary_large_image\" \/>\n<meta name=\"twitter:label1\" content=\"Written by\" \/>\n\t<meta name=\"twitter:data1\" content=\"Melissa\" \/>\n\t<meta name=\"twitter:label2\" content=\"Est. reading time\" \/>\n\t<meta name=\"twitter:data2\" content=\"3 minutes\" \/>\n<script type=\"application\/ld+json\" class=\"yoast-schema-graph\">{\"@context\":\"https:\/\/schema.org\",\"@graph\":[{\"@type\":\"WebPage\",\"@id\":\"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/permissiontolive\/2011\/03\/discipline-without-fear.html\",\"url\":\"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/permissiontolive\/2011\/03\/discipline-without-fear.html\",\"name\":\"Discipline without Fear\",\"isPartOf\":{\"@id\":\"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/permissiontolive\/#website\"},\"datePublished\":\"2011-03-17T22:36:00+00:00\",\"dateModified\":\"2012-12-20T22:03:05+00:00\",\"author\":{\"@id\":\"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/permissiontolive\/#\/schema\/person\/3d527e70377dd342d19384a186015af8\"},\"description\":\"We were at the grocery store, and it wasn\u2019t the greatest day for Ms Drama. She did not want to sit in the cart, she wanted to walk. So she spent the\",\"breadcrumb\":{\"@id\":\"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/permissiontolive\/2011\/03\/discipline-without-fear.html#breadcrumb\"},\"inLanguage\":\"en-US\",\"potentialAction\":[{\"@type\":\"ReadAction\",\"target\":[\"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/permissiontolive\/2011\/03\/discipline-without-fear.html\"]}]},{\"@type\":\"BreadcrumbList\",\"@id\":\"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/permissiontolive\/2011\/03\/discipline-without-fear.html#breadcrumb\",\"itemListElement\":[{\"@type\":\"ListItem\",\"position\":1,\"name\":\"Home\",\"item\":\"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/permissiontolive\"},{\"@type\":\"ListItem\",\"position\":2,\"name\":\"Discipline without Fear\"}]},{\"@type\":\"WebSite\",\"@id\":\"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/permissiontolive\/#website\",\"url\":\"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/permissiontolive\/\",\"name\":\"Permission to Live\",\"description\":\"Musings of a young mom\",\"potentialAction\":[{\"@type\":\"SearchAction\",\"target\":{\"@type\":\"EntryPoint\",\"urlTemplate\":\"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/permissiontolive\/?s={search_term_string}\"},\"query-input\":\"required name=search_term_string\"}],\"inLanguage\":\"en-US\"},{\"@type\":\"Person\",\"@id\":\"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/permissiontolive\/#\/schema\/person\/3d527e70377dd342d19384a186015af8\",\"name\":\"Melissa\",\"image\":{\"@type\":\"ImageObject\",\"inLanguage\":\"en-US\",\"@id\":\"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/permissiontolive\/#\/schema\/person\/image\/\",\"url\":\"https:\/\/secure.gravatar.com\/avatar\/405a7035822af1068b7614a037e3892b?s=96&d=mm&r=pg\",\"contentUrl\":\"https:\/\/secure.gravatar.com\/avatar\/405a7035822af1068b7614a037e3892b?s=96&d=mm&r=pg\",\"caption\":\"Melissa\"},\"url\":\"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/permissiontolive\/author\/mreyenga\"}]}<\/script>\n","yoast_head_json":{"title":"Discipline without Fear","description":"We were at the grocery store, and it wasn\u2019t the greatest day for Ms Drama. She did not want to sit in the cart, she wanted to walk. So she spent the","robots":{"index":"index","follow":"follow","max-snippet":"max-snippet:-1","max-image-preview":"max-image-preview:large","max-video-preview":"max-video-preview:-1"},"canonical":"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/permissiontolive\/2011\/03\/discipline-without-fear.html","og_locale":"en_US","og_type":"article","og_title":"Discipline without Fear","og_description":"We were at the grocery store, and it wasn\u2019t the greatest day for Ms Drama. She did not want to sit in the cart, she wanted to walk. So she spent the","og_url":"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/permissiontolive\/2011\/03\/discipline-without-fear.html","og_site_name":"Permission to Live","article_published_time":"2011-03-17T22:36:00+00:00","article_modified_time":"2012-12-20T22:03:05+00:00","og_image":[{"url":"https:\/\/lh4.googleusercontent.com\/-1Dx0MdPw6Po\/TYJ882E-Q_I\/AAAAAAAAAs0\/AsD4cgJknS0\/s320\/children-clip-art-12.jpg"}],"author":"Melissa","twitter_card":"summary_large_image","twitter_misc":{"Written by":"Melissa","Est. reading time":"3 minutes"},"schema":{"@context":"https:\/\/schema.org","@graph":[{"@type":"WebPage","@id":"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/permissiontolive\/2011\/03\/discipline-without-fear.html","url":"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/permissiontolive\/2011\/03\/discipline-without-fear.html","name":"Discipline without Fear","isPartOf":{"@id":"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/permissiontolive\/#website"},"datePublished":"2011-03-17T22:36:00+00:00","dateModified":"2012-12-20T22:03:05+00:00","author":{"@id":"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/permissiontolive\/#\/schema\/person\/3d527e70377dd342d19384a186015af8"},"description":"We were at the grocery store, and it wasn\u2019t the greatest day for Ms Drama. She did not want to sit in the cart, she wanted to walk. So she spent the","breadcrumb":{"@id":"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/permissiontolive\/2011\/03\/discipline-without-fear.html#breadcrumb"},"inLanguage":"en-US","potentialAction":[{"@type":"ReadAction","target":["https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/permissiontolive\/2011\/03\/discipline-without-fear.html"]}]},{"@type":"BreadcrumbList","@id":"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/permissiontolive\/2011\/03\/discipline-without-fear.html#breadcrumb","itemListElement":[{"@type":"ListItem","position":1,"name":"Home","item":"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/permissiontolive"},{"@type":"ListItem","position":2,"name":"Discipline without Fear"}]},{"@type":"WebSite","@id":"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/permissiontolive\/#website","url":"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/permissiontolive\/","name":"Permission to Live","description":"Musings of a young mom","potentialAction":[{"@type":"SearchAction","target":{"@type":"EntryPoint","urlTemplate":"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/permissiontolive\/?s={search_term_string}"},"query-input":"required name=search_term_string"}],"inLanguage":"en-US"},{"@type":"Person","@id":"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/permissiontolive\/#\/schema\/person\/3d527e70377dd342d19384a186015af8","name":"Melissa","image":{"@type":"ImageObject","inLanguage":"en-US","@id":"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/permissiontolive\/#\/schema\/person\/image\/","url":"https:\/\/secure.gravatar.com\/avatar\/405a7035822af1068b7614a037e3892b?s=96&d=mm&r=pg","contentUrl":"https:\/\/secure.gravatar.com\/avatar\/405a7035822af1068b7614a037e3892b?s=96&d=mm&r=pg","caption":"Melissa"},"url":"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/permissiontolive\/author\/mreyenga"}]}},"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/permissiontolive\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/128","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/permissiontolive\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/permissiontolive\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/permissiontolive\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1145"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/permissiontolive\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=128"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/permissiontolive\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/128\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/permissiontolive\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=128"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/permissiontolive\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=128"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/permissiontolive\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=128"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}

We were at the grocery store<\/span>, and it wasn\u2019t the greatest day for Ms Drama. She did not want to sit in the cart, she wanted to walk. So she spent the entire time in the store hanging over the side of the cart and whining about how everything was wrong with the world. <\/p>\n

When we finally got up to the check out counter, she dropped her sippy cup on the floor for the third time, and her daddy picked it up and said in a serious voice \u201cIf you drop the cup again, I will put it away in the diaper bag.\u201d<\/em> Ms Drama nodded and took the cup, and I was smiling to myself when I happened to notice a Mennonite family waiting in the next line. The\u00a0five small children clustered silently around their mother. A little girl clad in a dress and head covering stared at Ms Drama in fascination, the little boy stood with his mouth hung open. <\/p>\n

Suddenly I remembered<\/span> how many times I had been a little girl standing with my parents in a public place. Working to keep myself quiet and solemn and alert for the next order from my father. If I wasn\u2019t paying attention and failed to obey quickly my parents would get angry, and our large family would look bad to the people around us. <\/p>\n

My parents used to point out children who behaved like my\u00a0two year old, \u201csee what happens when parents don\u2019t care enough about their kids to spank them?\u201d<\/em> or \u201cIt\u2019s too bad that family doesn\u2019t know the Lord\u201d<\/em> and \u201cThey can\u2019t understand the joy they would get from their kids if only they knew how to discipline\u201d.<\/em> I grew up under the impression that anyone (no matter what their age) who was not practically perfect, could not possibly be \u201ca real Christian<\/a>\u201c.<\/p>\n

When our behaviour in public was complimented by some well-meaning person, I remember my parents thanking them, and then later telling us that our family was a Godly witness to what families could be if only everyone did it like we did. I don\u2019t remember being thanked or praised for good behaviour, it was all attributed to the \u201csuccess\u201d of \u201cgodly parenting\u201d. As child I was so afraid of letting God and my parents down by my misbehaviour. And it showed in parenting my own children.<\/p>\n

At that moment in the store<\/span>, I realized that almost 2 years after breaking out of punitive parenting<\/a>, I\u2019m no longer fighting the urge to care what other people might think<\/a>. I don\u2019t have that pressure in the back of my head thinking that everyone is watching to see how our family is going to fail, just waiting to see a reason to attack people of faith. I just parent in public\u00a0the same way I parent at home.<\/p>\n

I don\u2019t worry that other people might think that I am being a permissive parent if my child is whining. I don\u2019t have to worry that someone might see and report what they think is too harsh, because I don\u2019t use harsh parenting methods any longer.<\/p>\n

I am getting better at being attuned to my children\u2019s needs. I am learning to speak to them with respect. I am able to enforce boundaries and rules when something happens,\u00a0without\u00a0threatening a spanking in the car or \u201cwhen we get home\u201d. I still have my moments of frustration when people roll their eyes as I walk in with 3 small children and a large pregnant belly. I still have embarrassing moments, like when we walked to our table in the restaurant and one of our children failed to follow us the 10 feet to where we were sitting down, and then screamed because she thought she\u2019d been left alone in a strange restaurant.<\/p>\n

But for the first time, I am finally confident<\/a> in the way I discipline my children. <\/p>\n<\/body><\/html>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"