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{"id":300,"date":"2010-01-31T18:56:00","date_gmt":"2010-01-31T18:56:00","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/permissiontolive\/2010\/01\/searching-for-jesus\/"},"modified":"2010-01-31T18:56:00","modified_gmt":"2010-01-31T18:56:00","slug":"searching-for-jesus","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/permissiontolive\/2010\/01\/searching-for-jesus.html","title":{"rendered":"Searching for Jesus"},"content":{"rendered":"\n<\/head>

$\"\"$ <\/a><\/p>\n

My dream begins with a deep felt frustration. I find myself in \u2018the house\u2019 again, the same house I always end up in when my dreams are distressing.<\/p>\n

It\u2019s roomy and cavernous and empty feeling, and yet the walls seem to press in on me. Familiar and yet unfamiliar. It\u2019s kind of a creepy place, and usually it is in the middle of nowhere, but in this dream \u2018the house\u2019 is in a city.<\/p>\n

I am looking for Jesus in my dream. I search through \u2018the house\u2019, but most of the rooms are empty, and I can\u2019t find Jesus anywhere. <\/p>\n

I feel oppressed, dark, heavy. As if I am carrying a huge burden. Why can\u2019t I find Jesus? <\/p>\n

There aren\u2019t even any images of Jesus around. The walls are empty. <\/p>\n

I can\u2019t even find my rosary (the one I got from Rosary army <\/a>that I can\u2019t find in real life either) at least that would have a small image of Jesus on it. <\/p>\n

I explain to the people I run into that I am looking for Jesus, and they tell me that I will be unable to find him because I have the wrong attitude. What does that even mean? The depression gets heavier. In desperation I run out of the house, maybe I can find him somewhere else. <\/p>\n

Its cold outside and the snow crunches under my feet. I roam through the streets looking for Jesus. I still can\u2019t find him anywhere. <\/p>\n

I look in a church, but there is no sign of Jesus anywhere, the rooms are empty, the walls are blank. The cross on the wall is empty as well. My frustration grows. I find a small Nativity, it has a baby Jesus. But it isn\u2019t what I am looking for somehow. I\u2019m not even sure why I am looking for images of Jesus in the first place?<\/p>\n

Walking the streets I come to a Cathedral with arched doorways. I run up the steps into the dark entryway and run straight into the arms of a woman wearing some sort of head covering.<\/p>\n

Even though I can\u2019t see her face, and have no idea who she is, I break down into sobs and pour out the whole story. As she holds me, I talk about all my troubles and fears and frustration. Finally someone I can talk to. Someone I feel safe with.<\/p>\n

And the burden is gone. I feel peace. My heart feels light.<\/p>\n

And then I woke up, with my heart racing.<\/em><\/p>\n<\/body><\/html>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"