Read any Quiverfull publication, and you will see a heavy emphasis on how children are \u201cblessings\u201d. The Above Rubies magazine is filled with stories of giving up birth control and the subsequent blessing showered on families who choose to leave their fertility to God. The magazine has even run several stories where \u201cthe mother\u2019s life was saved\u201d against all odds by yet one more risky pregnancy. This mentality is against birth control of any kind, including fertility awareness or natural family planning. I no longer have my copy of \u201cBe fruitful and multiply\u201d by Nancy Campbell, but the book clearly taught that abstaining during fertile times is considered abnormal to the woman\u2019s natural sexual desires as well as a refusal to trust God.<\/p>\n
My husband and I were Quiverfull \u201clite\u201d in a way, because we were never comfortable with being 100% against natural family planning. We felt that if the mother\u2019s health was in danger for some reason, or if there were other very serious concerns then it would be acceptable to use natural spacing methods to prevent conception. But we never intended to use any of them, children were a blessing from God, why would we ever turn down a blessing? We firmly believed that this was God\u2019s plan for families, and He would provide whatever money or resources were needed to care for our (sure to be) large family.<\/p>\n
The Duggars<\/span> recently announced that they are pregnant again, and the TV reporter made a mistake in her interview that I see echoed again and again across the internet. She asked if they had \u201cplanned\u201d to have another baby. Listen to Michelle\u2019s reply:<\/p>\n \u00a0<\/p>\n She explains how she is older, and that this is their largest gap ever, and they were starting to wonder if Josie might be their last. Wondering, not because they couldn\u2019t decide if they should \u201ctry\u201d for another child, wondering because they did not know if or when she would get pregnant.<\/em> The Duggar\u2019s do not use birth control. The Duggar\u2019s are Quiverfull.<\/strong><\/p>\n The Duggar\u2019s do not see having a large family as a fun choice that people who love kids can make, they see it as a call from God. A challenge to have enough faith to trust God with your fertility, even if it means many more children than you can parent, even if it means losing your life.<\/em><\/p>\n \u00a0<\/p>\n If you watch in another clip (which I can no longer find), Matt Lauer asks if the children are inclined to have large families themselves. Every one of them says yes.<\/em> He asks if any of the children would like to have a small family, no one raises their hand.<\/em> What no one seems to get, is that this is not a real question<\/strong> the Duggar kids. Having no children, or a small amount of children doesn\u2019t make sense to them. They have been taught that leaving your fertility up to God is the only right way to have a family<\/em>, even if one of them doesn\u2019t want a large amount of children, if they want to serve God, they have NO choice. Even in the case of infertility, a small number of children or no children would be seen as sad, and possibly a rejection from God.<\/p>\n Quiverfull theology teaches that couples are to have as many children as God grants them, and raise them up in the lord. The parents give themselves up for their children, because they are blessings from God. This sounds very honourable and self-sacrificing, but I feel that this theology creates a very narcissistic understanding of the family.<\/p>\n The emphasis on losing yourself in God and raising generations of godly children for the sake of the kingdom creates parents who have no identity but their children.<\/em> The family is seen as a group entity, and instead of seeing children as individuals, parents see their children as extensions of themselves. Parents become highly reactive and protective of even a grown child asserting a difference of opinion because the parents sense of self is being threatened.<\/p>\n I feel this is especially true of the mother. A Quiverfull mother\u2019s sense of self is contingent on children because she has no other reason for existing.<\/strong><\/em> She has given up everything to birth, raise and homeschool her many many children. Most of the time these women have no individual interests or pursuits, many sacrifice their physical health as well.<\/a><\/p>\n I was raised Quiverfull<\/span><\/a> and my understanding of my purpose in life was to have as many children as I could. I was trained for it, my interests were limited to encourage it.<\/a> After we started moving out of the Quiverfull worldview, I thought that perhaps instead of the 16 or more children it looked like we were physically capable of producing, we would have a more modest sized family of 8 or 9 children spaced with natural family planning. As time went on, I thought that we would maybe reach a certain number of children even before then and then it would \u201cfeel right\u201d and we would know that we were done.<\/p>\n The Duggar announcement triggered me in ways I wasn\u2019t expecting. On the one hand I feel relieved that I no longer have to live Michelle\u2019s life, being pregnant and giving birth over and over while my older girls raise my other children.<\/a> But I found myself re-living that old understanding of my calling as a woman. What if I really am supposed to have as many children as physically possible. What if I am rejecting incredible blessings in my life in exchange for a life that I was told was meaningless in comparison to bearing children? The idea of being without a baby terrifies me. I have never done anything besides take care of kids. I grew up surrounded by people who had vasectomies reversed and always looked at that artificial\u00a0five year gap in their family and wondered who could have been born there if only they had trusted their fertility to God. Preventing children was understood as selfish, living proof that one cared more about money and themselves and \u201cthe world\u201d than the value of life and God\u2019s will.<\/p>\n I no longer feel that quiverfull convictions are a healthy reason to have a large family, but the old theology has done it\u2019s work. I have trouble seeing anything that I could do or explore as having value.<\/a>\u00a0I cannot wrap my mind around being \u201cdone\u201d having kids. I can\u2019t shake the feeling that without continuing to have kids, I basically don\u2019t exist<\/em>. I sometimes feel like I will never be able to rid myself of the crippling guilt connected with my fertility.<\/p>\n![\"\"](\"https:\/\/3.bp.blogspot.com\/-ysYsr_BFn2w\/Tr6vR8HsLfI\/AAAAAAAAA1w\/KYtQ7ImVcIg\/s320\/Untitled.png\")
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