{"id":97,"date":"2011-06-18T13:03:00","date_gmt":"2011-06-18T13:03:00","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/permissiontolive\/2011\/06\/are-you-happy\/"},"modified":"2011-06-18T13:03:00","modified_gmt":"2011-06-18T13:03:00","slug":"are-you-happy","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/permissiontolive\/2011\/06\/are-you-happy.html","title":{"rendered":"Are you Happy?"},"content":{"rendered":"\n<\/head>
<\/a><\/div>\n

\u201cAre you happy mom?\u201d<\/span> says my four year old. She\u2019s been asking me this question almost every day lately, and it scares me. <\/p>\n

It\u2019s not that I\u2019m super unhappy. The weather has been beautiful. I\u2019ve been reading poetry with my girls, and baking cookies and muffins together. We went to the zoo yesterday, and had so much fun looking at all the brand new spring baby animals everywhere. <\/p>\n

But since the birth of Baby Boy, I\u2019ve been a bit more anxious then usual. I\u2019ve had too many nights where I struggle to fall asleep even though I am desperately tired. And too many days where I have a hard time coming up with a reason to take care of myself. <\/p>\n

I\u2019ve smiled. I\u2019ve fed my children all their meals and snacks. I\u2019ve given hugs and snuggles. But I\u2019ve also had days where I wanted to disappear into the closet and shut the door. Or moments when I couldn\u2019t keep back the tears. <\/p>\n

Old lies creep into my head.<\/span> <\/p>\n

Ugly and fat and awkward. Failure and worthlessness. Stupid.\u00a0Never good enough.<\/em> <\/p>\n

And it scares me. This last year has been the happiest of my life, but that doesn\u2019t completely drown out the memory of the months of Post Partum Depression after Ms Pooky\u2019s birth. <\/p>\n

Is\u00a0it just the normal mood swings and hormonal fluctuation after birth? Or is Post Partum Depression setting in? Is Ms Action asking if I am happy because she is worried that I am not? Are my emotions already affecting her? What is this year going to bring? What is tomorrow going to bring? What is today going to bring?<\/p>\n<\/body><\/html>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

\u201cAre you happy mom?\u201d says my four year old. She\u2019s been asking me this question almost every day lately, and it scares me. It\u2019s not that I\u2019m super unhappy. The weather has been beautiful. I\u2019ve been reading poetry with my girls, and baking cookies and muffins together. We went to the zoo yesterday, and had […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1145,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[1],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-97","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-uncategorized"],"yoast_head":"\nAre you Happy?<\/title>\n<meta name=\"description\" content=\"\u201cAre you happy mom?\u201d says my four year old. She\u2019s been asking me this question almost every day lately, and it scares me. 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