notice<\/em> her clothes?<\/span><\/p>\nDressing \u201csexy\u201d and dressing \u201cmodestly\u201d are both<\/em> about dressing for men<\/em>. <\/strong>Trying to be sexy means you are trying to get<\/em> men to<\/em> look at you. Trying to be modest means you are trying to keep<\/em> men from<\/em> looking at you. Attracting them or repelling them \u2013 either way, it\u2019s still all about men.<\/span><\/p>\nWhat I am arguing for is not a particular kind of dress. I am arguing for approaching clothes as objects that make you<\/em> feel confident, comfortable and happy. (You know, how men perceive their own clothes.) I am arguing for ditching the mentality that everything you wear and do is a performance for men. <\/strong>Modesty is a doctrine that is predicated on the male gaze. Think about it: When was the last time you worried about making a poor woman \u201cstumble\u201d by wearing expensive fabrics in front of her?<\/span><\/p>\n(This is not even touching homosexuality and the risk of tempting lesbian women, because that argument has no currency in homophobic fundamentalist groups. Lesbians are told they don\u2019t actually exist.)<\/span><\/p>\nNow, as for men dressing modestly<\/strong>. Think about the adjectives used to sell clothing to men. Is \u201csexy\u201d high on the list? I\u2019ve seen that on occasion for suits, but little else. More often, it\u2019s about comfort and performance. Men ultimately tend to wear more fabric than women do, but it\u2019s not because they are worried about concealing their bodies from women. Men are not objectified<\/strong> in American culture. The phrase \u201cmale gaze\u201d refers to the fact that in this culture, men are coded as \u201clookers\u201d and women as \u201clooked at.\u201d Why do you think most people react to scantily clad men in sexy poses by calling them \u201cgay\u201d? Because they assume that men are ones looking at everything. Men do not dress \u201cmodestly.\u201d<\/strong> Their dress tends to be more conservative<\/em> than women\u2019s, but avoiding female attention is not the reason for their choices. Men don\u2019t worry about modesty; they dress in ways that make them confident, comfortable, and happy. <\/strong>Modesty is not usually part of their vocabulary when talking about their own clothes.<\/span><\/p>\nHere is the bottom line:<\/span><\/p>\n\n- When \u201cmodesty\u201d is what motivates your dress and actions, you are basing your decisions on whether or not men are looking at you.<\/span><\/li>\n
- When being \u201csexy\u201d is what motivates your dress and actions, you are basing your decisions on whether or not men are looking at you.<\/span><\/li>\n<\/ul>\n
<\/strong>That\u2019s self-objectification.<\/span><\/p>\nI don\u2019t know if I can make this any clearer: I\u2019m not telling anyone to dress \u201cimmodestly.\u201d<\/strong> I don\u2019t give a flying fig what anyone else wears. I\u2019m saying that basing your life decisions (clothing, exercise, etc.) on the modesty doctrine is just as objectifying as basing them on being \u201csexy.\u201d<\/strong><\/span><\/p>\n<\/em>If you want to oppose the sexualization and objectification of women\u2019s bodies in the mainstream media, teach your children to respect women. Teach them that women aren\u2019t props for selling objects. Teach them that women\u2019s brains matter more than their looks. Teach them to buy clothes that make them happy, not to attract or repel the opposite sex. Teach them to think outside the modesty\/sexy (virgin\/whore) binary that forever tells women they are meant to be looked at and can be discarded if they are found wanting (\u201cnot thin enough,\u201d \u201cnot modest enough\u201d \u2013 it\u2019s evil either way). Criticize marketing campaigns that exploit women. Criticize the porn industry. Show your children that they don\u2019t have to accept the cultural messages that are thrown at them by corporations who just want to sell products using whatever tactic works best (exploitative or not). Show your kids that being a woman is not all about attracting or repelling men.<\/strong><\/span><\/p>\nJust teaching girls to cover-up is a cop-out. Covering or uncovering isn\u2019t the issue. The issue is why<\/em> we do what we do. What\u2019s important is to fight the idea that women are objects to be looked at, and that message is reinforced, not combated, when we teach the modesty doctrine.<\/span><\/p>\n<\/body><\/html>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"Inevitably, when I write about the modesty issue, I get some variation of the following responses: Modesty is about respecting yourself. Dressing \u201cimmodestly\u201d also objectifies you. Only my husband has the right to see those parts of me. Do you want everyone to walk around naked? Even if men are responsible for themselves, we shouldn\u2019t […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1147,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[30,29],"tags":[970,418,969],"class_list":["post-639","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-modesty","category-women","tag-modesty","tag-morality","tag-women"],"yoast_head":"\n
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